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I know it's not healthy for me to sit so long, but I feel frozen in time. The feeding that took so long every day, is no more. I swab her mouth. I massage, sing to her, diaper and reposition her. But I do have the sense of a vigil. Waiting and being with her as she transitions into Spirit. Do you have any suggestions for other things I could do, either for her comfort or for me. Maybe something from another culture, a wise way of being in the presence of the death process.

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You can read...you can put some music on for her...for you. You can hold her hand...flip the pillow so she always has a cool side...you can share special memories with her...you can tell her that her work here is done, and the family that's already crossed over will be waiting to take her by the hand...you can quietly cry...perhaps almost rejoice that her suffering is about to end...you can sit and rest with her because as surely as her work is about done, so is yours.

I am so sorry.
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"Like a Ship Sailing Home"


Found in the dead soldier’s shirt pocket, over his heart, a newspaper clipping which the young man had apparently always carried with him. His buddy opened it, read it and cried again. The clipping said so much about what his friend believed about death and life.

So he sent the clipping home to the dead soldier’s parents, that they might be comforted by what their son believed, that his faith might help strengthen their faith, the clipping read something like this.

"We are standing on a shore. A large sailing ship is about to pull out. Friends and relatives of ours are standing on the deck, waving goodbye, throwing streamers, calling to us, calling our names. And we call to them and to each other. ‘Look, there’s Grandma…there’s Uncle Joe…there’s Uncle Bill.’ A bell sounds. The ships begins to move away.

"We stand silently for a very long time and watch as the ship goes further and further away until, finally, the mast is just a vertical pencil line on the distant horizon. Then it too goes down, until we can no longer see it. And we sigh, ‘Oh, she’s gone.’

"But gone from where? Gone from our sight. That’s all.

"For at the very moment we sigh, ‘Oh, she’s gone,’ another cried on another shore is jumping up and down, laughing and yelling and pointing excitedly out to sea saying, ‘Look! She’s coming. Look, the ship Is coming home! Look! There’s Grandma…there’s Uncle Joe…there’s Uncle Bill.’"

The ship is coming home. There is another shore, another dimension in which we have already begun to live. We are filled with the Spirit of our Risen Savior—forever.
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I sat here this morning and cried then laughed remembering my moms last day. I had 2 beds pushed together in the dining room so someone could lay with mom at all times. My dad, siblings, children and cousin were all there . We all took turns just quietly praying with mom or telling her our memories. About 3am on the day she died I noticed that her coloring was really bad. Since i no longer had to feed or get mom ready for the day, I was a little lost not being in the full caretaker mode. so i decided to put some powder, blush and lipstick on mom. My mom did not wear a lot of makeup but would always say let me put my face on. I knew her time was near and this was my final gift to her. Everyone who layed with mom that morning kept commenting on how pretty she looked. Some of my family thought I was nuts but it helped me to get through that last day. I had been telling my mom for a couple of days that she would get to meet Jesus soon and that her mom, dad and sisters would all be waiting for her. Not until those last few moments was I able to tell her I would be ok and that I knew it was time for her to talk and walk again. My moms passing was so beautiful, could not have asked for anything better. Don't second guess yourself, you are obviously a wonderful daughter who truly loves her mother. Do what is best for you now to help you get through this final journey with your mom. She will be with you everyday. Peace and comfort 🙏😎
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I have not been through this, only through the process of desperately trying to will people to keep trying to live when it was not their time. But I want to wish you comfort and strength, and thank you for sharing this process with us. It is so deep, so meaningful, so private, and yet others looking in from the outside can gain understanding and wisdom from what you share.
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Went through this a few short weeks ago. Like many have suggested, hold her hand, stroke her forearms/legs/cheek/hair... just let her know you are there, right beside her. Quiet music in the back ground could be nice but... don't change too much of what she hears daily, it is more comforting to be on the same page as every other day....I am so sorry and I do wish your dear mother? a peaceful escape from the old body and her spirit a bumpy free soar into the heavens.
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It may not be much longer. Keep talking to her, singing, reading, music anything that sooths her and you. Sometimes hearing is the last sence to fail. She may not comprehend any longer but it may give her a feeling of not being alone. I wish you the best on this difficult journey.
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I'm holding her hand, and even now, her hands are so beautiful -- such clever dextrous hands, sewing children's clothes, (cloth) diapering, feeding, rocking and loving foster babies by the dozens over many years. Setting up tents and cooking on a campstove for cantankerous teenagers. Writing hundreds of letters, to keep the far-flung family connected. Playing board games. Doing crafts with kids. Driving safely hour after hour on cross-country vacations. Taking temperatures and giving medicine. Strong soft hands.
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Hold her hand, maintain touch. I'm a firm believer that even as some of the senses slow down, there's still the human connection of touch. I saw evidence of this when my father was in a medically induced coma and I watched the monitor reflect brain wave activity.

Maggie's and Windy's suggestions are good and helpful.

As you become more sad, remember that you're helping to ease the transition process for her, and that could be the most important act you've ever done for her. You are partnered in spirit at this time of your lives.

I see that you use holistic methods; you might try some lavender or cinnamon in jars or bowls to scent the air and help relax you both. I carry a bottle of cinnamon in my bag for ER visits; it helps me.

You could also look at magazines that induce calm - magazines with photos of beautiful countrysides, gardens...soothing photos.

If she's conscious, I would try to bring in someone who practices Reiki therapy.

I too am sorry to learn that she's reached this state and sorry for the pain you feel. Peace to you both.
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Singinway...
So wish we all could give you a hug...
My Mom..simply loved John Denver Songs...It made her smile even though she couldn't talk...and all the nurses and caregivers loved them too..good energy ;-)
She also loved A good cup of coffee when she could drink even though everyone said it wasn't good for her :-)). Love the suggestions for massage and reading and scents..My Mom loved them all..
Sounds like you are a precious daughter..she is so blessed to have you.
Smooth sailing for you all....Comfort and peace .
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her music she liked listening to, perhaps a voice on the radio...Do any of your relatives tell wonderful stories? Play her favorite movie, as long it is not the GodFather. Not appropriate. Make it happy,,, Can she still talk eat and know people? Smile. Rick Steves has a show about distant placed. He spoke of a cemetray in Italy. What a nice way to look at death. The woman he interviewd said it is not sad, it's happy, there it Uncle Jane, and Aunt George, and their neighbors are very nice, they are not alone.....It gave me another look on death. It was good. different culture
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