Can I sue my step-sisters and granddaughter for not respecting me?

Seeking, you might find more support and a more appropriate place to vent if you go online and search for "I hate my step family and I'm obsessed with how they may or may not have taken resources from my father that he willingly provided for them but not for me due to reasons that have nothing to do with my being a vengeful and bitter person." Good luck with that.

You are saying your dad abandoned you all for his new wife and her family over 25 years ago and that he basically had no contact with you in all that time?
And in that time he seemingly has had a good relationship with his new extended family?

Frankly I don't understand why you even care about this man, he treated you badly and chose not to be a part of your life. You seem to believe that the death of his spouse of over 1/4 century would somehow free him from the "spell" she held him under and he would naturally return to the bosom of his first family (all of you almost total strangers to him), does that really seem to be a rational hope?

Your last statement, "I would say my father died in 1989", seems to be the truest thing you have said in all your posts. The loss of your father seems to have left very deep emotional scars, have you considered therapy to work through them?

"It's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission" ...

Sorry, AC family. That wasn't an appropriate answer.

cwillie has a good point about letting go and healing scars. I have to say my father's third wife really wanted nothing to do with his first wife's grown children. However she was a good wife to him for 24 years and I made sure he had a Will that gave her everything. She didn't even know the Will existed until the day he died. On the other hand I told his second wife that he left me a million dollars. I wish you could have seen her face. LMAO.

"When their mother was dying. She wanted to die at home. We respected them and let them spend time with her at Dad house." You respected your father's decision to allow his stepchildren to spend time with their dying mother in his house??!! How could you possibly had anything to say about this?

"I'm going to dig around to see if there is many loans against Dad's house." And what could you possibly do about it if there is a mortgage and second mortgage, etc.? Say to the step sister or to father, "Please pay these off, in case I inherit this house I want it free and clear"?

If you are backing off, why are you poking into the status of his house deed?

Seeking2topro, I think your extreme bitterness is seriously clouding your judgement. No, you cannot sue someone for not respecting you. No, you cannot control who your father leaves his house to. No, you cannot force anyone to pay off loans against a house you may or may not inherit.

Backing off is a good idea, but please, please, get some therapy for your own sake. That burden of bitterness you've carried for so long is hurting you much worse than it is hurting anyone else.

How could you possibly had anything to say about this? Yes. I have the right to protect my father. Death do us apart... that what it is that the relationship is over! No need for them to stick around. I'm sure that once the estate money comes in, they disappeared and forget Dad.
Why are you poking into the status of his house deed? I have to protect my father and my family from being burden with the debts. Yes, the debts must be paid up and cleared. If he wants me or my sister to be his POA, we have the right to know what's is going on with Dad! I'm sure you don't want someone who is not family trumps you over your parent. You would feel what I am feeling now.

Up to this point, I am letting it go. Let them deal with it. Good to be armed with information! I am ready and will be very prepared when it is time.

So after all, this is all about money. You think that somehow you're going to become liable for your father's debts? I can't imagine how, unless you have co-signed loans with him. You thought that if Anna died first, your father would leave you everything that belonged both to her and to him---cutting her kids out completely? That's pretty cruel. You thought that when she died he would no longer love and respect her memory, her wishes? I don't know what to say. Time to go.

I am for cutting her kids out! They are blood suckers! If my dad dies first and I'm sure Anna will cut us out. She always have been cutting us out from day one! That's pretty cruel on her part. Makes no difference.

Seeking, now let me get this straight... your father is still alive, right?... I am so confused, it sounds like he had died already as you and the step-children are fighting over his estate. And for someone who never wanted to see her Dad again, you are sure going in the opposite direction.

I came across another thread elsewhere on Aging Care where you had posted about your Dad, his late wife, and her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. The post above said "I tried to get my dad to let me know who POA and health proxy". On another thread you said that your step-sister was the POA. Then I read here that you want Dad to make either you or your sister POA, but on another thread you said your Dad wasn't competent enough to give the step-sister POA.

This is becoming so very confusing.

Seeking, you just wrote "I am for cutting her kids out! They are blood suckers! If my dad dies first and I'm sure Anna will cut us out. She always have been cutting us out from day one! That's pretty cruel on her part. Makes no difference."

Wasn't Anna your Dad's wife? Didn't she already pass in March of this year"?

My gosh, either you need to talk to a therapist or this has been one interesting story.

Frequent Flyer, I think the OP has issues with verbs, especially conditionals. I read the confusing sentence above as follows: "If my dad had died first, I'm sure Anna would have cut us out."

Or ---- maybe we're being had. If so, the OP has lost control of the story.

Assuming the OP is on the up and up, and simply stressed into incoherence, I have a lot of concerns.

If the OP's father had only an 8th grade education, however hard he worked, Anna must have contributed a lot to the household economy, to the build up of equity in the house, etc. The OP gives Anna no credit for that, but feels entitled to whatever her father now has. Is that fair? Why aren't Anna's children justified in looking on her home as their family home?

What on earth makes her hate Anna so much? OK, the event that took place 27 years ago ---- but doesn't Anna get credit for any good done to the father in the years since then? That was a lifetime ago!

If the OP at various times has battled with her step siblings over POAs, etc., the estrangement of the biological daughters from the father must not have been total. Perhaps he didn't abandon them as completely as she suggests. In fact, her repeated use of the term "homewrecker" sounds like something her mother probably said at the time of the divorce. Sounds as if the OP and her sister have been poisoned against the father and stepmother by the first wife. What a shame!

And her insistence on the term "until death do us apart" makes me think she actually believes that at the time of death, everything that went before is cancelled out, undone, "done apart." The first time she wrote it, I thought she was making a little joke, but now I think there may be some profound misunderstanding about what happens to an estate and a family at death. Anna has died, therefore the last 27 years disappear? Her children and grandchildren disappear? My God, where does it leave the poor man, whose life they were/are part of?

This thread is either heartbreaking or infuriating. I wonder which.

FF and Realtime, I had noticed all of those things, too. For me, it comes down to: anyone who is so bitter that she needs to have her father all to herself after he's made a life - and is apparently being cared for post-stroke - with other people he loves and needs at this time in his life... this OP should never be POA and I'm going to guess that her father will never choose to make her such. That may sound overly judgmental? One doesn't need more than an 8th grade education to know someone's nature, to know who is kind to us, who isn't so pleasant to be around. OP is angry, controlling, and would divide her father's family to suit her own desire for control and revenge. I do make allowances for old hurts, but MANY of us on this site have experienced these same things. Thank goodness someone is caring for the father post-stroke and OP is concerned that her "rightful inheritance" may not be protected.

Ack. I have to go with - it's both heartbreaking and infuriating that someone can be so very short sighted and miss an opportunity to spend time with her dad simply because she cannot get him 100% to herself, and get him to turn his back on his other family members. They ARE his family, even if not by blood. He should never have to choose one or the other at this stage of his life.

There's more that I'm basing my thought process on, but FF and Real you both stated some of the obvious issues. OP says one thing, then contradicts. "Father died (to me) when he left in '89," and then "I have a right to protect my father (I insist on meddling where he hasn't asked for my help)." Well, which is it? I know emotions can run high and be conflicting, but clearly OP doesn't understand that caring for someone post stroke is a gift to the elder. If father is well cared for, that is most important. I wouldn't doubt that a step daughter is POA and that father knows better than to give it to this absentee and angry, controlling daughter. Sad but... I think that's the situation.

Seeking2, counseling/therapy and possibly medication is all I can think to advise. Your father is being cared for and isn't judged incompetent, so he can choose his own POA. If he hasn't chosen you, there is a reason -- and based on your extreme anger, bitterness, and resentment of your father's step children, I don't believe he chose someone else because they are manipulating him.

You may have a year, a few years, who knows how long to have a positive relationship with your dad. Focus on that. There likely isn't now, or will be, any significant amount of money for you to go after... and if that's driving your obsession, you are only going to make yourself even more unhappy.

Stop blaming everyone else. Your FATHER made his choices. He has not been under manipulation for almost 30 years. Do you want a relationship with him or not? You'll find out if there is any inheritance for you when he passes away. If he hasn't discussed these issues with you by now, then he doesn't want to.

Just some thoughts...

No, you cannot sue someone for disrespecting you.

Well, Glad, maybe technically you could. Judge would throw out your case, possibly fine you for frivolous filing, but...

Thanks for bringing this thread back to Earth. lol

You're welcome, Ali. I try to stay away from threads of this type they tend to reel out of control. And threads like this bring back too many dreadfully sad, vindictive memories for me. So much hate and spite is such a complete waste of energy to say nothing of a life!