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They're not letting me see my father who just had a ischemic stroke. Before my father's wife Anna found out that she is dying. She called two of her daughters and her favorite grand daughter Stephanie with two small kids to meet with them at their house. Anna told my father that she wants Stephanie and her two small kids to move in and imposed on her two daughters to be my father's caretakers. They did this without me and my sister knowing what's going on(we are the biological children ) After my father's wife died. My Dad and my uncle Mike paid for her burial. Dad inherited the house...well, the house is in both name. Since then those Step sisters keep coming to my dad's house a lot. We the biological kids hate that family! I'm like what happened to "Death do us apart".All they caused stress and confusion for my dad! I feel that I shouldn't compete for my dad. He is my father! They have their own father. I asked them not to be around my dad or at dad's house when I am visiting him. They can not respect this! They must be around and causing problems. They are the trigger to this problems. Can I sue them?

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It amazes me at how much emotional energy people can invest in hating siblings and step-siblings and cousins and cousin's cousins. Whew! I would just go visit your father if that is what he and you both want. He is not a well man, though, so I would check the hatred at the door. I don't let him off the hook for not seeing you and your siblings. I have a feeling that he is where you need to be practicing your forgiveness, no matter how much it hurts to face facts. Your step sisters didn't keep your father from you.
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You are saying your dad abandoned you all for his new wife and her family over 25 years ago and that he basically had no contact with you in all that time?
And in that time he seemingly has had a good relationship with his new extended family?

Frankly I don't understand why you even care about this man, he treated you badly and chose not to be a part of your life. You seem to believe that the death of his spouse of over 1/4 century would somehow free him from the "spell" she held him under and he would naturally return to the bosom of his first family (all of you almost total strangers to him), does that really seem to be a rational hope?

Your last statement, "I would say my father died in 1989", seems to be the truest thing you have said in all your posts. The loss of your father seems to have left very deep emotional scars, have you considered therapy to work through them?
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Um, probably not.

Wouldn't the most simple solution be for your father to tell his stepdaughters, "Could you please leave for a little while, so I can visit privately with my daughter"? It is his house and unless he is totally incompetent and has a guardian he gets to say who is in his house. What would you sue over?

I am very, very sorry that you don't have a good relationship with these people who were so important in your father's life. Bringing up the "death do us part" thing sounds like you blame these women for the end of your father's marriage. Is that realistic?

Could you possibly start over, meet with these women, agree that you all want what is best for your father, and offer to cooperate with them? That would be extremely hard, I'm sure, but it would be wonderful.

My two sons and my husband's three daughters got along splendidly, and all 5 were involved in his care. Now that he is gone they continue to get along, socialize with each other, invite each other to life milestones, etc. A blended family can be an opportunity to have more people in your circle of love. I am so sorry it isn't like that for you.
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Not touching this one with a ten foot pole! Wow.
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Seeking, you might find more support and a more appropriate place to vent if you go online and search for "I hate my step family and I'm obsessed with how they may or may not have taken resources from my father that he willingly provided for them but not for me due to reasons that have nothing to do with my being a vengeful and bitter person." Good luck with that.
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cwillie has a good point about letting go and healing scars. I have to say my father's third wife really wanted nothing to do with his first wife's grown children. However she was a good wife to him for 24 years and I made sure he had a Will that gave her everything. She didn't even know the Will existed until the day he died. On the other hand I told his second wife that he left me a million dollars. I wish you could have seen her face. LMAO.
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Frequent Flyer, I think the OP has issues with verbs, especially conditionals. I read the confusing sentence above as follows: "If my dad had died first, I'm sure Anna would have cut us out."

Or ---- maybe we're being had. If so, the OP has lost control of the story.

Assuming the OP is on the up and up, and simply stressed into incoherence, I have a lot of concerns.

If the OP's father had only an 8th grade education, however hard he worked, Anna must have contributed a lot to the household economy, to the build up of equity in the house, etc. The OP gives Anna no credit for that, but feels entitled to whatever her father now has. Is that fair? Why aren't Anna's children justified in looking on her home as their family home?

What on earth makes her hate Anna so much? OK, the event that took place 27 years ago ---- but doesn't Anna get credit for any good done to the father in the years since then? That was a lifetime ago!

If the OP at various times has battled with her step siblings over POAs, etc., the estrangement of the biological daughters from the father must not have been total. Perhaps he didn't abandon them as completely as she suggests. In fact, her repeated use of the term "homewrecker" sounds like something her mother probably said at the time of the divorce. Sounds as if the OP and her sister have been poisoned against the father and stepmother by the first wife. What a shame!

And her insistence on the term "until death do us apart" makes me think she actually believes that at the time of death, everything that went before is cancelled out, undone, "done apart." The first time she wrote it, I thought she was making a little joke, but now I think there may be some profound misunderstanding about what happens to an estate and a family at death. Anna has died, therefore the last 27 years disappear? Her children and grandchildren disappear? My God, where does it leave the poor man, whose life they were/are part of?

This thread is either heartbreaking or infuriating. I wonder which.
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There is a point in time you need to let things go. If you cant do it on your own, I would suggest counciling.

My parents have been divorced the same amount of time and my father married the homewrecker too. She was a recovering alcoholic and pill popper and an amateur therapist. My father was either her 8th or 10th husband...forgot which one number was husbands the other was her kids. The Monday after he left my mom, she talked him into clearing out bank accounts and turning all the utilities off at the house during the winter. His wife also gave her daughter my insurance information and she had a kid using my information...I never would have known except it was done within a month of me having my son. The entire time he was married to her, I did not speak to him and had alot of hate.

His third wife, I dont know her name, I just called her Skipper was 5 years younger than me and all plastic. She told me to call her mom, I laughed. Now, he has wife number 4 and they have been together a while. She is not my stepmom but shes one of the nicest people that you will ever meet in your life. Her kids are not my step siblings but her children and I have absolutely no problem with them having a relationship with my father. I guess I feel it is important for him to have that type of relationship with someone because I am not capable of that type of relationship with him and my sister still doesnt acknowledge his existence.

I know you are saying that these step children are trying to get his money and an estate but I really dont see that. I think you judgement is clouded by your anger and you feel as though you are entitled because he left you. The reality is your not entitled to anything and maybe he is not comfortable having you in control of anything because of that anger. Maybe you could ask for a therapist or social worker to come in to repair your relationship.
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No, you cannot sue someone for disrespecting you.
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You're welcome, Ali. I try to stay away from threads of this type they tend to reel out of control. And threads like this bring back too many dreadfully sad, vindictive memories for me. So much hate and spite is such a complete waste of energy to say nothing of a life!
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