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My husband is angry several times a day and I try my best to stay calm. No one else in the family wants to deal with him. He is occasionally incontinent at night and gives me a hard time about wearing pull ups to bed. He insist that he doesn't have the problem. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm at the end of my rope with him.

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mema66....oh I feel your pain.....I got yelled at again last night and a bowl of hot soup poured down my leg and thrown of the floor in a tantrum...then same issue and she didn't want to shower though she needed it from soiling herself which she says she doesn't do! Was able to get her all showered, shampooed freshly lotioned up and off to bed....finally.... I have an idea let's put them together and they can yell at each other and see how each other likes it!!!!! We will go on an island vacation for a week! Then we can climb back up our ropes and start over again......to all of you I am just kidding.......sometimes we need humor here.....all the above advise was great! Just BREATHE...........one day at a time....
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My husband has Alz and was angry and yelled all the time I was a nervous wreck
Doctor put him on celexa and Ativan what a difference he is now happy most of the time says please and thank you and tells me he loves me all the time
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I have a similar problem. Bi polar husband with several serious health problems. Especially volital on days when I am very tired or not feeling well. He gets upset when I cannot get to him immediately. Very frustrating. After a recent hospitalization we discovered that none of the local nursing facilities would take him because his needs are so varied. But this is not about me, just trying to help you cope with the idea that there are no sure, easy answers. I find that if I can manage to stay calm and speak softly it does help to calm him. Sometimes soft music helps or a comedy on TV. I know it is difficult. Take care of yourself also!!
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After my husband had meningitis he was so angry and was having numerous anger outbutst a day and usually at me, not alwau though. He could have a tantrum because a shoe wouldn't go on easily. But the majority were at me. The dr put him on an antidepressant and it helped but didn't completely solve the problem so he added another one. It turned my husband into a big teddy bear. He is happier and I am too. That was in 1985. He has been reduced to just one now and does fine.
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I do a lot of care professionally for patients with Alzheimer's and dementia.Here is what I would advise:

Call the Alzheimer's Association in your area. Ask for a counselor and tell this person what is happening. These counselors are available 24/7. This person will give you strategies to use in communicating with your husband.

This help is worth its weight in gold. Best of luck to you. You are doing the hardest job that exists today in our society.
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My solution would be to find a home that can deal with his behaviours. you are doing yourself no favours trying to manage this on your own. He will be mad but in the end it is the kindest thing to do.
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Get a copy of Take My Father, Please" by Jacqueline Marcell. Her father had similar issues and she describes the help she got. And there is a lot of other useful information in the book. It has helped me deal with my mother's ongoing volatile behavior Very stressful for you, I know.
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Yes, I have similar issues with my husband, and the best we can do is wait until the anger subsides and forget it happened. You are not the one with dementia and thank God he has you to care for him.
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Alzheimer's patients experience a lot of anger, fear, panic etc. stubbornness even violent outbursts are common. You need to discuss it with the dr so he can put him on the proper medication for it. It may be time to look into finding a home that can deal with all of this so you can save your strength for loving and supporting him through all that is ahead. This disease really sucks. You can't do it all alone.
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Letting someone be anxious and fearful all the time is not humane. Sometimes drugs are necessary and you just have to find a median between the behavior and the side effects. You can't just let your husband beat you up just becasue he has dementia. Also, when a patient in a nursing facility is violent and hits the aids and nurses they will either have to be medicated or be removed. As I said, this disease sucks and I think it's just a hard on the family as it is on the patient. It's a balancing act.
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