My mother, 87, is in a NH with Parkinsons, dementia, broke a hip a few months ago, had a stroke a few weeks ago and is in a wheelchair. Prior to the broken hip I'd take her out from time to time but gradually we couldn't go far as she'd get nauseous. She really wants to come see my new house, 10 minutes away, if only from the outside and a drive around my back 40. Three weeks ago I asked the doctor if she was strong enough to come for that short drive and was told she wasn't so I'm taking a lot of pictures to show her on my laptop computer.
Yesterday I got a call from the NH that my mother is interested on going on a bus trip to WalMart. As a life long shopaholic of course she's interested. The WalMart is a 45 minute drive each way and they seem to expect me to travel on the bus with her. From past experience (and she's deteriorated terribly since I last took her out) no way! If I have no other option I'll follow the bus, ready to take her off it and back to the NH as soon as she starts crying, vomiting and demanding that the bus stop.
If she's not strong enough to take a 10 minute drive how can she be strong enough to take a 45 minute drive? I told them to have the doctor confirm she's strong enough to take the trip. I refuse to be the bad guy here. Hopefully they won't cave in if she can pull herself together for a few minutes and presents well as she's a narcissist and a great actress.
I'll be there today to take her apple juice, chocolate and strawberries from my garden. If she's lucid enough she'll likely go on and on about it but I'm standing my ground - it's the doctor's decision. It's going to be warm today and I'll have my dogs in the truck (on the way home from a dog park) so it will be a very short visit. Hopefully I can get out of there without a huge fight.
Out of duty only (stupid me) I gave up my nice home and career to live in her cold gloomy basement for 4 years, housebound at her beck and call. She went into the NH because she needed care 24/7 but I'm still not, at 64, free. If she won't die she'll have to get out of my life once and for all.
The NH wants to schedule an annual meeting with her and me, where I guess we all make nice warm noises until next year. That's not happening. I will meet with them alone and tell them the way it is. They can meet with her if they wish and listen to her ramble and hallucinate.
It's 10 p.m. and I needed a good cry but, even with a little wine, I can't. I guess you learn from a young age living with a mother from hell to supress everything.