How to handle stress of caregiving my Mom with no help from family?

48margee, too many times elders feel that if they go home that everything in the world will be ok, that they will be able to get off of that walker or out of that wheelchair and walk again... that they can climb stairs, do the laundry, do the cooking, do everything they did when they were younger. It is wonderful to think that way, but reality sets in and their magically world isn't behind that front door.

Here's an idea, tell your Mom that YOU need her help, her ideas on what to do to help her if she goes home... and agree with some of the ideas, and other just say "sorry, that cannot be done".

And what 24 hour care exactly does the doctor recommend for her at home? He can discharge her if he likes, but it's up to him and the discharge team to make the arrangements - without involving you. Make yourself very plain to them about that.

I agree with cwillie. You are not in a situation where you can provide the kind of care your mom needs. It's better to deal with it now than it would be to take her home, find out it doesn't work and then have to move her to a nursing home.

To ease the situation, you could do as was suggested and tell her that if she keeps working on her ADL's she may eventually get to a point where you can handle the care. However, one she is moved she may actually find that she can make friends and enjoy herself. Even if she doesn't, since there's no way you can provide 24/7 care, the best you may be able to do is visit as often as you can and see to it that her care is the best that it can be.

Good luck margee. This is hard and you'll feel guilty. But too many moves can be very hard on people and your description of this situation implies that you don't have much choice.

Take care of yourself, too.
Carol

DON'T let them send her home! Better for you to deal with the guilt of going against her wishes than kill yourself trying to care for her. Frankly from your description she sounds more a candidate for a nursing home than assisted living. Make plans with the rehab facility to get her there. Tell her if she works a little harder to improve her ADL's while there she could perhaps come home some day.