How do I stop my Mom from verbally abusing my Dad?

Redjetta, please supply us with more information. I checked your profile but it was blank :( Info such as what are your Mom's medical issues? Does she have dementia? What are your Dad's medical issues, how is his memory? Apparently both need help if you are living with them.

If your Mom has dementia, blaming and yelling is a stage in come dementia, thus there isn't a whole lot you can do, unless a doctor can prescribed something to calm your Mom down. Believe it or not an urinary track infection [UTI] will cause an elder to be angry.

Mom could be angry at her husband for being sick, thus scare if something should happen to him that will leave her by herself. My sig other did that to me when I had a serious illness... was it fair?... heck no, but that was his personality and he had so many family members pass on that he was scared I would be next.... it sure didn't help me heal faster with him acting that way :P

Yes, Red, some more detail will be helpful. WHY would calling Emergency jeopardize your living with them? Does mom have mental problems? Can you get support from dad's doctor?

You don't provide enough details for others to offer some ideas. If your mom has dementia, she may need more supervision and medication to help her from being overly critical. That kind of behavior is common with dementia. The brain is not working properly. It could be caused by something else like infection, medications, etc. so the cause of the behavior is important.

If your dad is at risk, he certainly needs to be protected. Who is in charge of the household? I would survey the situation, so I might take the right measures. If you are familiar with your parent's doctors, maybe they can help you.

My Dad has diabetes and his kidneys are failing. He is not a well man. He sleeps all the time. Doesn't eat much and his health is deteriorating from the daily verbal abuse. My Mom is a very mean selfish person. Who forces him to drive her places and he shouldn't be driving. She won't get anyone to come in and help with my Dad. She won't even let me cook because it's her kitchen. We have offered but she said she will chase them away.She has high blood pressure and needs knee surgery but won't go. She is scared to die. I understand that she is angry and she has said she is because she has to take care of my Dad. My brother and sister are no help. When I told them how my Mom treats my Dad and it's getting worse my brother said its because I live here. Im trying to help my Dad. I can't see him being abused everyday, being treated like a child, not having proper food to eat. She is killing him slowly. Im not sure what to do. Im in counselling over this and my counsellor has told me to record dates and times what she does and what she says. I feel so alone. My brother and sister are in denial. I guess my brother will kick me out of my parents home if I call outside help. I am not sure what he meant but I will not leave my Dad in this abusive house. She needs help and no one will listen. My family has alway been a dysfunctional one and my mom used to hit my Dad with frying pans. I think hitting him now she knows she would be put in jail.

Go with mom to her next doctor appointment and tell him, in front of mom, that she's angry all the time. See if he has any ideas.

Red, are you in the US? If you are, I would do 2 things.

I would call dad's doctor and tell him what you've written here. I would follow it up with the same information in writing.

I would call the local Adult Protective Services and report your father as a vulnerable adult.

I would also strongly consider leaving. You are more likely to get injured if you stay. You can advocate better for your dad if you are not within the situation.

Please consider the fact that as a competent adult, your father has surely had the means and opportunity to leave over the years, and chose not to.

I'm not in the U.S. But there should be some protection for him in Canada.
I'm just sick over this!

I can only imagine. I'm sure that there is an equivalent agency. Do you got to doctor appointments with your parents? One technique, you don't want your parents to know what you're doing, is to give the doctor information in writing beforehand. During the visit, stand or sit behind your parent; when the doctor asks a question, such as "how is everything? and your parent says "fine", shake your head no, catching the doctor's eye.

Here is some information I found about Canada.
http://www.seniors.gc.ca/eng/pie/eaa/help.shtml
http://www.bcli.org/project/practical-guide-elder-abuse-and-neglect-law-canada

Human nature is the same in both countries. You need to have a back-up place to live in case your brother kicks you out. Do you have a cell phone with a "record" function? Can you tape conversations? Does ANYONE else ever observe this behavior? Can you invite a friend over? Do keep notes, and talk to their doctors as recommended.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this, and that your father does, too. My father was verbally abusive to my mother, and I believe it shortened her life by a year or two - just the stress of hearing his anger day and night.

Thank you so much everyone. I will start recording and documenting, I don't have a back up plan for housing but I need my dad taken care of first.