My step-mother inherits everything, but my attorney says I can contest the will. Any thoughts?

Houndmother, first my heartfelt sympathy at the passing of your Dad.

It is very common for one spouse to leave the whole estate to the other spouse, even a step-parent, especially if they had been married for many years.

As for your Dad making out a updated Will, again, which is very common because State laws do change.   If this Will was drawn through an Attorney's office, then it was up to the Attorney to decide if your Dad was able to understand what he was signing.   Apparently he was.

Also it is not uncommon for the sons to receive items from the estate, it an old stereotype that the sons have families to take care of, where the daughters have or will have husbands to take care of them.   It's an old fashion way of thinking.

That is why it is better to think one will not inherit anything, and then be surprised if you do.

I suspect you're right. I am not by nature much of a fighter, but what this tells me is my relationship with my father meant nothing. That is a cruel realization.

If your father had left everything to your mother (assuming they were still married) would you be still asking this question? It seems as if you do not view your stepmother as family - but your father did think of her as his wife.

My dad is going to leave everything to my step mom. He had significantly more in assets than she did when they married 14 years ago, but she is his WIFE. We expect them to leave everything to each other. It does not mean that my dad or my stepmom have bad relationships with their kids. It is just the fact that the marital partner is the primary sharer of the assets.

Then the last one to go (assuming anything is left from MERP) will be split between my dad's three kids and my stepmom's three kids. This makes sense to me - spouse first, children second for leaving the assets.

How is your stepmom going to leave things?

My mom and stepdad's wills were as Kimber166 outlined. Each one's will had matching language. When the first spouse dies, the surviving spouse inherits all assets. Makes sense. (You may not like your stepmother, but she is your father's wife -- and she needs a roof over her head and a baseline income.)

The next clause in my mom and stepdad's will was that, upon the remaining spouse's death, all surviving adult children -- stepdad's kids and I -- split the assets equally.

Is it fair? Yes and no. My mom came into that marriage with nothing; all of the assets were my stepdad's. And I'm nauseatingly familiar with the assumptions that go along with that.

My mom was so chagrined by the disparity, that she spent as little as possible after she was widowed. Would not make any changes to investment funds. No withdrawals aside from her annual RMD. Would not sell the investment properties that stepdad touted as his "legacy" for decades before my mom entered his life. Would not make upgrades or repairs to her primary home.

As a widow, my mom began every month by making a hefty contribution to my stepfamily's church, paying utilities and buying groceries. Then she sat on her hands til the next SS check came.

Mom's dead now, too. We "kids" are slogging our way through probate. It's slow. Nobody's fault. Just how it is.

Mom was fixated on preserving her hubby's kids' inheritance. Therefore, refused to invest in her own ailing health. No doctors, no PT, no assistive devices. Refused to install grab bars...or a stair lift...or main-level laundry. Refused to pay for in-home help with housekeeping and ADLs. Refused to consider a CCRC or IL or AL. Refused to assign POA to anyone in her bloodline.

Mom knew all about the high cost of professional care and private pay. She also knew all about the Medicaid look-back period and estate recovery.

So Mom's response was turbo-level self-neglect. Her big quest to "not spend their inheritance" (and dementia creeping in) jeopardized her safety and shortened her life. I'll spare you the details, but mom's death was somewhat undignified. And definitely linked to her decisions and non-decisions.

But now no one can accuse her of being a gold-digger. No one can say "she spent all his money and his kids got nothing." That was a huge priority for Mom.

Are you wondering where my peace of mind and my sanity fit into all this? So am I.

It is typical for a couple to will their estate to each other, but that does not always happen. In my case, my mother left me everything and left my step-dad nothing. Even her money which was a lot was separate from his and she made me co-owner of all of it with right of survivorship. They did have a joint account, but she kept her money separate. I happened to see his will and it left everything to his three adult children. The only conclusion that I drew from this is that their marriage was not much of a relationship which was evident in life as well. My aunt told me that my mother and step-dad had made an agreement when they got married that each was going to look after their own and they did.

This reminds me to check my own will. My intention is that my two sons and three step-daughters will share equally, if there is anything left to share. I need to make sure that is what the will says.

My husband and I always agreed to take care of each other first. As it has turned out, I am caring for him in our home and he has provided for me financially for the rest of my life. Hopefully, but long term care expenses being what they are, who knows. My children want me to make sure I take care of myself first and not worry about their inheritance. My husband tells me his nephew is greedy and to watch out for him. I don't know because I've only met him once and he seems nice enough. Anyway, if there is anything left over after I'm gone, I'll split three ways between amongst my two children and his nephew. We have mirroreills so I've provided for hubby, too, but at the moment it's not looking like I'll go first but who knows. All this is to say, nobody knows what goes on between husband and wife but my husband taking care of me is a source of pride for him and my taking care if him is a testament to my love and devotion.

Is there a prior Will that would be probated if this new one is overturned due to his incompetence? Or, would estate then pass according to the laws in your state? I'd look at which scenario is applicable and the AMOUNT you are expecting. Is it enough to make it worth your time and money? Can the legal fees be reimbursed from the estate if you win? Lots of things to consider, with the advice of counsel. I'd just see it if makes sense financially.

Of course you can fight this. Is it worth it to you to do so. Sounds like your dad wanted his wife to be cared for and perhaps had reasons to feel that if she wasn't left everything in the will, you kids may not have cared for her. I don't know, I just am guessing. Your use of the phrase "she dragged him into the attorney's after he was dxed with dementia" sounds like you are pretty mad. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you can find peace in this situation.
People have a right to leave whatever they'd like to whomever they'd like. It causes problems in families when inheritances are "expected" ( and I personally don't think that anyone should ever EXPECT an inheritance!) My mother is so flighty, she has "promised away" the same piece of furniture to 3 different people. All 3 want it, too, so that's going to be something, when the time comes.
My sweet grandmother made a "holistic will" in that she gave certain items to certain people, asked that the sale of her modest home be split among her 3 children and asked the remaining family, in honor of her, NOT TO FIGHT over anything.
I got a cake pan from her house that reminds me of her. Best of all, I was NAMED for her.
The distribution of money after a death seems to bring the worst out in people. It's sad. Can you just let your step mom have it all and be OK with it?

My husband was very upset when his father married his live-in girlfriend of 25 years a few days before he died, and while in hospital drew up a will that didn't mention his 2 children from a first marriage. I felt like the girlfriend had been there for 25 years, she deserved something. However, when my husband and I made out our wills, he didn't mention his own two children, whereas I put my children in my will to inherit my IRA. He only had his work pension, which could not got to his kids except as contingent beneficiaries if I died or we divorced. However, after my husband's death I gave his two sons and his sister each $10,000 out of his life insurance and am glad I did. His sister and I have remained close, and I am at least Facebook friends with his children.

What a reminder to check our own wills and make sure it is fair. My mother had left notes for the 5 of us. There was no argument over the money but some hurt feelings over jewelry distribution. A reminder not to make that a mistake in our own wills.

Blood should matter more than step. Your own blood. This is how family history of blood line gets so fragmented. Legally there's probably not much you can do about this, but I would try all the same, sounds like the brother if he's not a step one, had his hand in the kitty as well, I would get an attorney to look into that. Don't know if it's possible or not, but you may try approaching the step mother and having a conversation with her face to face about this before she does more damage.

The fact that your father left nothing to his own children speaks volumes. Sounds like the stepmother when she took him to change the will 3 years after he had dementia may have planned this. Have you spoken to her? I know you can't afford to pay a lawyer, maybe there is something else you can do. I know I wouldn't "be ok" letting her have everything. it all seems so wrong to me.

I recently read somewhere an attorney's post about the mental abilities required to make a legal will. Basically, it said that if the person can explain what he owns and the relationship of who he wants it to go to, he has the capacity to make a legal will.
Dementia may not prevent that.

I wonder if you might check with the attorney who prepared the will to see if he had any insight as to why your dad did what he did.
Maybe your dad felt that his wife was more needy than you and that he had raised you to be competent to take care of yourself. That's not an insult.
You said he left "personal items" to your brother. If he left "guy things" like a shaving kit or tools or cuff links or sports equipment, maybe he thought your brother would find them useful or more meaningful
than you girls would. If they are family heirlooms, maybe he wanted them passed down with the family name. And, since he was doing that, perhaps he thought your brother should serve as executor, saving you the trouble.
If there is something you want to remind you of your dad, perhaps you might offer to buy it from your step-mom.
Never mind those who tell you what your dad should have done and how "blood is ... blah blah blah." He probably did what he wanted for his own reasons.
Unless you think he was threatened or coerced, leave it be. And if you thought he was being threatened or coerced, where were you then with your concern?
You are in a time of mourning your loss. Sometimes we let our minds wander to dark places. Look at the good that came from your dad's life and celebrate that.

I am the "step-mother". I have been married to my husband for 4 years now. I came into the relationship with many more assets than my husband but his children view me as the gold digger. Is it possible that you may not know the real story? How much someone gives you in the event of their death has no reflection on your relationship with them. I am wondering where people are getting the idea that they deserve an inheritance. I have told my father to enjoy the money he has and I do not need any of his money. I just want him to enjoy the time he has left. Enjoy what you had with your father and move on. You never know what she brought to the relationship. His happiness was way more important than any money.......

It would make more sense if dad has said in the Will, that he was not leaving certain adult children items, because they did not need them or leave them something like a a Bible, his watch, etc. To remain silent, invites suspicion. I'd consult with an attorney who litigates things and explore a settlement with step mom. Also, ask about wife's forced share, even if there was no Will.  A certain amount she would be entitled to by law in most jurisdictions. 

Does the will EXPLICITLY identify the children by name anywhere (and then not include any bequests to them)? If not, contesting might be worthwhile, as it could be construed as an oversight. If so, it means he really intended to leave nothing to the children and there's probably not much you can do.

I'm in a similar situation where someone may have taken advantage of my dad in the last three vulnerable weeks of his life. I happened to be on SSI and can't afford a lawyer either. What I did was followed someone's advice and call the state bar association. I told them the situation and I was assigned a real good lawyer who took the case because he suspects something suspicious happened with my dad's life insurance money because dad never remarried, he was widowed when he died. The person in question who got the house also got in trouble for taxes (or someone by that name) living very close to where my dad lived. I'm trying to find out who my dad's POA was and I'm trying to find out some other stuff. We're trying to locate the person who got the house but it seems like some false information may have been given to possibly dodge the law and possibly the house. Anyway, a very good lawyer will take your case on contingency and only take about a third of your winnings.

I would strongly suggest calling your state bar association and tell them exactly what you told us here. Keep calling the bar association if you don't get a satisfactory lawyer. If you can show proof of being family, that will help your lawyer. Any proof you can present will help your case but it needs to be documentary proof

You didn't mention that you and your siblings helped/visited your father. If you and your siblings did help/visit him that's great, but if not, then I can see why your dad would leave everything to his second wife. She was probably there for him. I'm not saying this is your situation, but sometimes when adult children of aging parents are not around when their parent/parents are elderly, they don't leave them anything. Why should they?

Hi Whitney,

In answer to your question, you may want to consider that in some families there was considerable abuse and the children in some of these cases were not allowed to be in the picture. Why would they want to be in the picture if they weren't wanted but instead abused? Why put yourself in a situation of being abused all over again? Some families are dysfunctional and in the cases of very severe childhood abuse, there are certain laws protecting kids and some of those laws require compensation to those victims.
Not all families or a happily ever after, many of them are not, and it's not the children's fault if they are not allowed to be in the picture. Children never ask to be born and they have no choice of who their parents are. It's the choice of the parents whether or not to keep the children and whether or not they will take care of them or whether or not they will abuse them. Sadly, in such cases as my own family, I was not allowed to be in the picture and my sister was killed. My only bio sister lost her life to the same abuse I nearly died of an the same abuse my half-sister nearly died of. And these types of cases there are certain laws protecting abuse survivors. If you're from an abused background, there are some cases where you're not allowed to be in the picture where as other cases you cannot be in the picture nor are you allowed. In such a case as mine, I happened to be the only blood relative left and my dad was widowed and never remarried. There's a very high chance that in my specifically unique case I can potentially end up getting something due to very unique circumstances.

Not all families are healthy, many of them are not especially with child abuse being on the rise. From what I know right now, I'm all for those who wish there was forced sterilization in cases where it would be absolutely necessary

So many people have more than one marriage/relationship. Maybe it's time to look at estate planning in a new light...by making specific provision for each child SEPERATELY. By establishing a trust to pay the premiums of a life insurance policy that will pay to a child or that child's heirs, outside of the estate. To guarantee that children and grandchildren will receive non taxable resources upon that person's death.
It removes a lot of the emotion from the drama of providing for one's spouse. Has it occurred to anyone that the woman may have stood to inherit or had some assets of her own that she did not wish to share through marriage? Me, I wanted to marry for religious reasons, but I strongly dislike the "community property" drama and issues filing tax returns. I wish I had stayed single. My husband's kids have that "gold digger" label at the ready I am sure.
I wonder what they say now, after spending the last 5 years caring for my MIL, 4 of which required me to pay for all my own bills and expenses, and sometimes contribute to HERS. I was the work horse in the background, providing healthcare benefits FOR THEIR DAD. I am here supporting HIM in his goals and his grief. I put my dreams and goals on hold for their sake.
If his kids knew, they might discover that my financial plan and provision for my husband, who is 12 years older than me, is much better than his provision for me. They would also be shocked to learn that I make quite a bit more money that he does.
So who is the gold digger here? Be careful...because there may be some things you don't know about step-mom's finances. She might have her own pile of cash that you don't know about. Such is the secrets within many marriages.

Yes, that's true that she may have her own pile of cash no one knows about. Whether it's obtained honestly or not, that's to be found out. If she may have inherited something from a deceased relative, she's under no obligation to share it if she's trying to protect her own future just in case the marriage dissolves, or the husband dies. That's why before entering into any marriage, you should have your own separate pile of cash just in case because you never know when you may need it. If you have your own pile of cash that was obtained honestly, you should hide it and protect it because you never know when you may need that cash.

If it was stolen, restitution should be made with interest, especially if that money was stolen from an elder and rightful heirs. It's always best to try and find out as much as you can about the other person and any assets they may have. Always run background checks on anyone who comes into your life if you're in the position to run those background checks especially before marriage. Before entering a marriage it's also good to get with a lawyer and set up a prenup agreement any other form of protection in case something happens to that marriage. You don't want to be left high and dry, court ordered to drain your own pile of cash or other assets. This is why you should protect yourself before marriage and set up any wills or other arrangements. Setting everything up will take the stress off of everyone else around you

is it legal to have someone do a will after they have been diagnosed with Alzheimers? That just does not sound right to me. My mother has alzheimers and we are lucky that this was all taken care of years ago and we know if there is anything left it is 50/50 between me and my sister. We would never have an issue and just try to take care of mom. But I really have no idea but was always under the understanding that after someone is diagnoses with Alzheimer's that its not legal for them to sign paperwork anymore.

I had a friend who contested the will, and ended up with half of an $8 million dollar estate!!  I say go for it.

The primary relationship in any healthy marriage/family is between the husband and wife.
In most marriage rites they promise to care for one another for life.
The parents responsibility to their childen is to provide for their needs until they are 18. This now estimated to cost about $200,000 per child, and today that probably does not include college that could be another $200,000.
So somewhere along the line your parents spent a lot of money on you and your siblings.
So that's where your father showed his care and love for you.
Do you think he should have given you every dollar he had?
And what would that have to do with love?
Do the loving thing, honor his relationship and promises he made to his wife.
Your grief will not be burdened with anger, and you will be able to move on with loving memories of you father.

My friend's father in law died & left an over 7-figure inheritance to his wife (my friend's husband's step mom)...The plan was for her to live out her life & then leave the balance to his and her kids...In the year since the dad died, she laid out cash for a townhouse for her daughter (in the same townhouse community as the dad's daughter) & a Cadillac SUV...and those are just the obvious "disbursements"...My friend's husband has come to reconcile she will blow thru every dime on her & her adult kids just to spite her former husband's kids...because she can. I think it's rather obscene when there's that much money & right out of the gate she's opting to do this.

If anything, for peace of mind, maybe check to see if the attorney who drafted the updated will was aware of your dad's diagnosis and verify there is something in writing that your dad had a bonified diagnosis & perhaps testing to demonstrate his baseline/progression. Even with that, it's probably a long shot. I don't know if the attorney would/could nullify the will upon learning there was non-disclosure of the diagnosis?

My father died while he was renting house and living with my step-mother. They had divorced, reconciled, but never remarried. She lived with him and they shared finances for years. Stepmother was his caregiver and in the house with him to call the paramedics when he had a massive coronary in his own living room and died 10 feet from her with paramedics asking about a DNR. If there was a nickel left when he died, she deserved it. She went through heck with him - an alcoholic that blew through a multi-million settlement on a lakefront house and lost his medical license. I didn't caregive for him on a daily basis. My siblings didn't either. My brother knew nothing of the mountain of medical debt, etc. he left stepmother to handle and talked of going to court in case there was a will leaving money. Maybe your stepmother took your father to make a will because his old will mentioned prior wife, possessions he no longer owned, etc. Lawyers recommend updating wills to make sure that a person's wishes are followed. Even with dementia, you can still be deemed competent by courts for personal activities. Happens on these boards all the time. If your father left a will that left a bunch of debt, would you be as eager to be a part of the estate? Could have been worse - you could have been left doing the daily caregiving for no money, lots of aggravation and pain, out of your own pocket. Your father was generation whether you left money to spouse, then anything left went to children. Sorry that you are going through all this pain about money, what people do when you are alive is what matters. Stuff is just that, and unless you performed services that were unpaid or he owed you money, be careful about going to court. Lawyers are the ones who get the majority of money. The rest of us get years of bitterness and broken families.

Am so glad this question was asked and answered. Houndmother, my condolences to you on the loss of your father. I have two sons by first husband and my husband has 2 daughters, 2 grandchildren by first wife. Both former spouses are deceased. We are in our 70s and have been married 8 years. My mother was living with me and had alzheimer and is now is in last stages, in assisted living and in her worsening condition we added a sitter so the money she had is being spent down quickly. This is money we all knew my brother would get because he was the one my mother doted on, the baby. I always told her that her money would be spent on her care but now if she runs out we will have to bring her back hone and take care of her with her pension and make up the difference with our $. My husband was diagnosed with cancer of liver and kidney, received treatment and is now doing well but now they will remove his cancerous kidney (no spread of cancer as far as we know) so we expect good recovery. Sorry this is so long but all that to say, when we got married he paid off the balance of my house in which I lived with my mom. When we finally sold his house we gave his two girls a generous portion of it. Then we began to save his social security check like crazy for our old(er) age and have lived on my pension and SS ever since. We have helped three of our children a lot financially. When one of us dies we have agreed to give each child equal portion decided by us. The rest goes to the surviving spouse for their needs. This is OUR money. . So basically we have already given them thousands in our lifetime I feel we owe them nothing. If anyone has heartburn about any of this, it's their problem, my husband and I are in accord with everything. We love each other very much. Thanks to all who answered it has helped me see that what we have chosen to do is the right thing.

It always amazes me how the claws come out whenever anyone mentions the words "Step mom" and "Will" in their question. It is obvious to me that to many of you it doesn't make any difference at all whether a couple has been together for decades or whether they have enjoyed a happy marriage, the new wife is always a gold digger who must be held accountable. (And as an aside, why is it always the woman who is the gold digger in the relationship?)
Divorce and remarriage may have become commonplace in our society, but it seems the stereotypical hatred and dysfunction amongst step families hasn't abated at all.