I have to care for my wife, but the problem is family -that they are not so caring. I find very difficult to communicate with my step daughter. We just don't have anything in common.
There could be so many dynamics at play here. Many of the possible scenarios other posters have listed....i.e. how old is the step daughter? was she against the marriage? are there inheritance issues? etc. Maybe she just doesn't know what to do or say. Was she close with her mother? You could just reach out to her on a regular basis...maybe every other week or once a month by text and say hey I just wanted to let you know that mom is doing fine this week...we are in the middle of reading a book called..blah blah blah, then snap a pic and send the text. It doesn't have to be anything too deep, just a quick interaction. She may open up a bit once she sees that it's welcomed. That's all I have without more information.
You can’t force a relationship. All you can do is try. Also, look at your approach at how you try. Is it in a non judgmental way? Is it a guilt free way? If not? People have a way of reading in between the lines and automatically become defensive or even close off any communication.
Is she especially close with her biological father? Does he influence her in a negative way towards you? Does she feel like she would be betraying her dad? There are lots of possible reasons why this is occurring.
You are not responsible for her behavior. Just be accountable and honest about your own attitude and approach in communication with her.
How does she feel about her mom? What was her relationship before with her mom? She may be having difficulty accepting her mom’s illness and quite possibly it has nothing to do with you whatsoever.
Also, how long you been in her life? It takes time to build a relationship. Don’t expect too much too soon. Just be warm and kind in your approach. Then wait because it’s really up to her if she chooses to accept you. I hope for both of you as well as her mom that in time she will.
You say that you and your stepdaughter don’t have anything in common. Well now you do – your wife and her mother. Try telling her regularly (or emailing her) what you are doing for your wife, and how she is going. Ask her advice, or if she has any other ideas that would make things more interesting for her mother. Give a bit of flattery about how important she is to her mother. It might take a while, but you can build up a relationship that way.
I have two daughters, and married again 20 years ago. One daughter is fine, and understands how important DH2 is to me. The other isn’t OK at all. She resented the marriage, which stopped me from living close to her and providing a lot of free child care. She ridiculed me and DH2, which went down like a brick with DH2, and is almost impossible to smooth over now.
I think the most positive possibility for you is to stress what you do for your step-daughter’s mother. She should appreciate that, even though she is not ‘your friend’.
You're the step-father? If you need to communicate information to your step-daughter, you do not need to have anything in common. Just tell her what she needs to know (if there is anything).
Is your wife still able to talk to her? If so, you can just stay out of it?
Email or texting are easy ways to stay in touch without having to talk.
Just do the best you can. Don't allow yourself to move into anger, and realize that anger is just an easier way to confront frustration and confusion initially, but eventually it harms no one but yourself and your wife. Good luck. Family dynamics aren't easy at all for so many.
Did you raise her? Or did you marry her Mom after she was grown. Big difference. I feel that if you didn't raise them you nor she is a father or daughter. You are her mother's husband. Bonds are established when children are young. I have read they need to be established by 12 or never will be.
You may have to just except that you and stepdaughter will never speak to each other. If you need help with her Mom, you may need to look elsewhere. How is her relationship between her and Mom? Is ur wife capable of asking for help?
Agree with all that, but in addition to that, money issues can rear its ugly head. Money is frequently an issue in intact families, but in step families, the adult children may feel the stepparent will inherit all the money, they can spend it on caregiving. Of course, in many families, the money will run out. In intact families, adult children may be more motivated to work as a team and save money.
There are many people here with family members who do not speak. If she is an adult, you cannot make her speak to you. If your wife has any siblings, you might ask them to talk to her.
I know stepchildren who felt badly treated by stepparents, and when they became adults they just went no contact.
Is she especially close with her biological father? Does he influence her in a negative way towards you? Does she feel like she would be betraying her dad? There are lots of possible reasons why this is occurring.
You are not responsible for her behavior. Just be accountable and honest about your own attitude and approach in communication with her.
How does she feel about her mom? What was her relationship before with her mom? She may be having difficulty accepting her mom’s illness and quite possibly it has nothing to do with you whatsoever.
Also, how long you been in her life? It takes time to build a relationship. Don’t expect too much too soon. Just be warm and kind in your approach. Then wait because it’s really up to her if she chooses to accept you. I hope for both of you as well as her mom that in time she will.
Best wishes to you and your family.
I have two daughters, and married again 20 years ago. One daughter is fine, and understands how important DH2 is to me. The other isn’t OK at all. She resented the marriage, which stopped me from living close to her and providing a lot of free child care. She ridiculed me and DH2, which went down like a brick with DH2, and is almost impossible to smooth over now.
I think the most positive possibility for you is to stress what you do for your step-daughter’s mother. She should appreciate that, even though she is not ‘your friend’.
Is your wife still able to talk to her? If so, you can just stay out of it?
Email or texting are easy ways to stay in touch without having to talk.
You may have to just except that you and stepdaughter will never speak to each other. If you need help with her Mom, you may need to look elsewhere. How is her relationship between her and Mom? Is ur wife capable of asking for help?
More info would help us answer ur question.
I know stepchildren who felt badly treated by stepparents, and when they became adults they just went no contact.