You all can take a look at my past posts and that get you more familiar with what is going on with me. My mother is now in a home. She cannot walk anymore. She is 92 years old. For about 25 years she has been married to my step-dad. My step-dad and I don't like each other. My mother has apparently fallen twice since she has been in this home an my step-dad chose to not tell me about it.

The reason why I don't care for my step-dad is that he married my mother solely for her money; there was no love there. My step-dad stole $13,000 in cash from my mother. He apparently knew where she had it hidden. My mother is the one who told me this. Oh, my mother threatened to divorce him, etc when this happened, but she didn't. Ok, now over these whole 25 years my mother also told me that my step-dad has been giving money (his money) to about 5 different women. As you would know by my posts my step-dad is totally blind. These women that he gives money to are women who have been in and out of prison for drugs, theft, fraud, they are still on
drugs. When my mother found out about my step-dad doing these things, of course she again threatened to divorce him, but then she'd back off.

The lates thing now is that I found out from someone who is in the know that my step-dad posted a $10,000 bond for one of these women because apparently this woman has gotten herself in trouble again, and I guess a friend fo hers approached my step-dad and asked him to post this bond. Now, what comes to light is that this woman has skipped town and my step-dad will be left paying the $10,000.00. I was told that my step-dad doesn't have that kind of money. If my mother was in her right mind, I'd tell her what is going on, and then she actually might do something about it. But I won't.

Ok, now, here is some history. My mother and my step-dad DO keep their monies separate. However, they do own rental properties together. So, that being the case my step-dad keeps one checkbook that is in both of their names to cover rental expenses on these rentals that they own together. Now, here is a problem I see happening. My step-dad doesn't have $10,000.00 so what would stop him from writing a check to cover this bond from my mother's and his account. Yes, I do know that this account is in both of their names, but lets say there is only $12,000.00 in the account. So, he really would only be entitled to $6,000 from that account. But, I can see a problem here if he wrote a check for $10,000.00 from that account. I would have no recourse here at all.

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Willie, many of your last posts, including this one, involve the feeling you have that your step dad, whom you say you believe is a philanderer, is going with lightning  speed through Mom’s money. However, if the account has both their names on it, he can do as he wishes with the money. If you have no POA for your mom, or no guardianship there isn’t much you can do and he isn’t accountable to you. Does your stepdad have POA? If that’s the case, you really have no options. You said once that your mom just turns a blind eye to his behavior. What he’s doing, if he’s doing it, is awful. Whether it’s illegal or not, well, you’d have to enlist the help of an attorney to find that out for sure.

As for withholding information from you, you’ve also said you have less than an ideal relationship with them. You even mentioned possible abuse in the past. You said a lot of conversations you’ve had with them wind up in arguments and insults all around. Your stepfather may wonder if anything he shares about your mom would wind up the same way and that may be why he doesn’t say anything.
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Willienme, I do remember some of your earlier posts, yes; and I've been sorry for the anxiety and frustration you've gone through.

The thing is. Would you, yourself, say that there is a snowball's chance in Hades that you are going to accomplish anything that is beneficial for you or for your mother in this way?

Your sources may be impeccable, I really wouldn't know. But what you clearly don't have is any concrete evidence of financial wrongdoing; and this is basically a 25 year old war of attrition with your stepfather that you've been fighting, don't you agree? -with your mother cheerfully stirring the pot and then doing not a thing about the grievances she's burdened you with.

Wouldn't you, I wonder, just feel hugely *relieved* to drop it, and save all of the time you have left with her for focusing on your mother's comfort in the present?

You also feel annoyed, perhaps a little suspicious, that your stepfather chose not to tell you about the falls. Well. Meh. What would you have done differently if he had told you? And, thinking it through, would you really have expected him to take the trouble? I think you might do better to cultivate a good, friendly relationship with the staff so that if something actually significant happens, they will encourage him either to call you or to give them permission to do it.
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Willienme1950, I see from your profile that your Mother has Alzheimer's/Dementia. That makes me wonder how long has she had this condition prior to be placed in continuing care. It is not unusual for a person with Alzheimer's/Dementia to make up stories.
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An attorney could advise on the legality of all this, but it could be there's nothing illegal going on here. However, that being said, just because something's "legal" doesn't always make it OK to do - it just means there isn't much recourse.... because it's legal. Sounds like step dad has some ethical issues and his behavior sounds very poor, but he may not be breaking the law and that would bother me as well that he gets away with this.
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Shaking, don't worry, I won't embarrass you with any syrupy stuff, but I am sorry you're having such a rough ride.
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Shaking in normal circumstances I would want mom to be checked for a seizure but in her condition the testing would probably be exhausting and confusing.
I have not read your other posts but is she diabetic? high blood sugar often causes seizures.
Now as for stepdad at the very least he is a philanderer but when in her right mind Mom chose to overlook that. Now ther is little that can or should be done. Just keep your nose out of this as long as Mom is being well cared for. Is she self pay or on medicaid. If she is on medicaid they will have something to say about joint money being spent. if he is giving false information there is a crime there and they will be after him.
Just concentrate on your Mom and don't give her bad news, he is her husband after all and has the right to take whatever misstreatment from your step dad he chooses to meet out. Every marriage has it's baggageand this one seems to have at least two steamer trunks full
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Your step dad had to pay a bail bondsman $1000 (it’s 10% cash paid bondsman THEN if woman skips bail, your step dad will owe bail bondsman $9000 more and a big armed gorilla man will track her down and she goes back to jail until she is tried.

That’s how that works. But your mom NOT calling the police on your step dad 25 years ago and then continuing to have joined assets and she let’s this crap go on? Your mom has left YOU a big problem and she’s gone to a happy place (dementia).

I hate to say it but talk to a lawyer about your step dad. Have some objective evidence about all this.

You might have some legal standing but again you might have your hands tied.

Your step dad is a low life .
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Some afterthoughts...Yes. Concentrate on your mom. (But don’t tell her about the women and the bail.) She could have had a TIA (stroke), could have fallen over her own feet going to potty, but yeah, I’d wonder if something serious caused her to fall or lose consciousness.

My mom had a UTI and fell, hitting her head and fracturing her pelvis.

So call your stepdad (or the facility staff) and see if they can notify you if your mom has something happen. But it’ll take a while to get there so stepdad will have beat you there. So you’ll have to pretend you’re  friendly to step dad even if you’re not feeling it.

The husband has the rights (of next of kin) unless things have been set up differently. So you’d be coming during an emergency to give moral support to mom.
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