Forgive me, but if this were me, who would be liable or not would not be my first concern. That would be my mom. I would be worried that stepdad, in his depression, may think he’d be doing Mom “a favor” by deliberately overdosing her. Being stubborn and cantankerous is fine as long as it just concerns him. But he’s dragging Mom into the mix. Can you just take the meds? I agree that Dad probably wouldn’t care if someone threatened him with being liable. Step in and take the meds. If you want to fib, tell him the place has a new policy; no more self-medicating. Say there have been too many break-ins with people looking for drugs. Say he has no choice but to let someone else handle the dosing. Protect your mom.
Chopin68, it is ok to tell Step-Dad a "theraputic fib". Such as, if Mom gets the wrong dosage, takes too many pills, or takes no pills at all, he could be liable.
I am really surprised that the Assisted Living doesn't demand that the meds be kept under lock at the nurses station. I know my Dad wasn't allow to even have an aspirin in his room. Guess it all depends on State regulations what is allowed or not. When Dad lived in Independent Living, he used the Med-Tech option where all his meds were kept elsewhere and a Tech would bring him his daily dosages. Well worth the cost.
I too am surprised the meds aren't locked up. This is literally a disaster waiting to happen, when coupled with your father's inability to manage the meds.
As to the liability issue, the staff would be covered b/c they informed you and your family, but I don't know if there would be criminal negligence charges arising from mismanagement of the meds. There could be. You're wise to be concerned, not only for this but b/c there already seems to be some physical repercussions from the mismanagement of the meds.
From your description, he has problems of his own and shouldn't be handling med management.
Expounding on the therapeutic fib, I'd consider just lying to your father and tell him that (a) you're getting a discount on the professional med management issue b/c the staff really likes your mother, or (b) the staff will add this service gratis. Or maybe tell him the facility has changed its rules and will be handling meds for your mother (and other patients). Just don't let him see the statements from the AL facility.
Please let us know what happens. This is a scary situation.
I don't know if the liability fiblet will make much difference to him. I think the real risk is that the AL facility is likely to ask them to leave (evict) if they feel that Mom's in danger. Maybe that threat will wake up Step Dad.
Who pays the AL bill? If other than step dad is writing out the check - - - tell him the facility wants to be sure your Mom is getting the correct doses and has offered a one year free service of drug distribution. The person who writes the checks will have to be on board, but therapeutic fibbing covers a multitude of situations! : - /
Chopin, I am glad that you are being so proactive about this. It truly sounds like a power struggle with your dad with your mom as the victim. I feel better about your decision. It’s not easy to do and be prepared for some anger, resistance and sulking, but you’re protecting your mom. Sending strength!
My mom is 86, no dementia, but she is having trouble remembering things and keeping all her and my dads meds organized.
Some oldsters are still writing great novels and waterskiing at 87. Most are not. They are like my folks and your step dad. Simple tasks become challenging.
I see only the nuclear option for you. You take all the meds away and turn it over to the facility. It will be ww3 but it’s clear that something serious is going to happen soon.
Hopefully step dad will pay the freight at some point.
The fib that you have been given should work well. But if worst comes to worst, tell him flat out that having him manage your mom's medication and leaving them out for her to get, has landed her in the ER and he isn't compentent enough to manage it so the AL is taking that over. Sometimes putting the fear of god into somebody is the only thing that will work.
In addition, some states allow outside dosage folks to come in and administer meds. When I last looked, it was cheaper to what the facility would charge. Just another option to explore...
I am really surprised that the Assisted Living doesn't demand that the meds be kept under lock at the nurses station. I know my Dad wasn't allow to even have an aspirin in his room. Guess it all depends on State regulations what is allowed or not. When Dad lived in Independent Living, he used the Med-Tech option where all his meds were kept elsewhere and a Tech would bring him his daily dosages. Well worth the cost.
As to the liability issue, the staff would be covered b/c they informed you and your family, but I don't know if there would be criminal negligence charges arising from mismanagement of the meds. There could be. You're wise to be concerned, not only for this but b/c there already seems to be some physical repercussions from the mismanagement of the meds.
From your description, he has problems of his own and shouldn't be handling med management.
Expounding on the therapeutic fib, I'd consider just lying to your father and tell him that (a) you're getting a discount on the professional med management issue b/c the staff really likes your mother, or (b) the staff will add this service gratis. Or maybe tell him the facility has changed its rules and will be handling meds for your mother (and other patients). Just don't let him see the statements from the AL facility.
Please let us know what happens. This is a scary situation.
Tell Dad whatever you need to. Mom's meds need to be managed professionally. Doctor's orders, dad!
Some oldsters are still writing great novels and waterskiing at 87. Most are not. They are like my folks and your step dad. Simple tasks become challenging.
I see only the nuclear option for you. You take all the meds away and turn it over to the facility. It will be ww3 but it’s clear that something serious is going to happen soon.
Hopefully step dad will pay the freight at some point.
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