I'm in a dilemma as to what is the right thing to do. I've made the decision to finally admit my husband to AL but still there are so many loose ends to clear up.
I have to get the doctors to send the correct orders for meds. He's been on Xanax for about a month. It has changed him 80% as far as weakness, mumbling, stumbling around, and continuing to be defensive, paranoid, and compulsive about many things when he's awake.
The AL won't keep him if he continues to pace and trying to leave the building. They said it can be fixed with medication and he needs the Xanax and that the doc needs to add an antipsychotic. I have questions about all these things too.
Since my husband has been so attached to me, it's been suggested by the AL that I stay away from him for at least 2 weeks or longer. They said they can't "make" me do that because I have a right to come in at any time. But they said it would be best if ALL family would stay away and let him acclimate to
the new surroundings.
On the other hand, I have others telling me that he will likely do better if I stay with him most of every day until he gets used to the place. They say as long as it takes and that might be up to a couple months...this advice from friends and a couple caregivers I know.
I'm willing to do whatever is best, I just know I can't manage him at home anymore. He takes constant redirecting and the only break now is when the Xanax puts him to sleep. But I'm very burned out, it's been several years! But I could stay about 7-8 hours in the AL if it would help him adjust.
Please, if anyone has any experience about which way is best I'd sure like to hear how it worked.
I received a call back from this wonderful Alzheimers Memory care place and she said they did have some policy changes and would now accept Medicaid. At 3:00 pm she asked me if I could come right in and start the paperwork. I was shocked because it's totally secure and very nice.
So I went over, completed the paperwork and met the staff. Tomorrow I go complete the contract and finish a few more forms and the actual admit will be on Friday.
They were so confident that he will do fine there. Everything I said to them about his escapes, his fixation on me and his paranoia was brushed aside. They said that is what they do and that there is a huge difference between AL and Memory Care. They weren't worried about anything.
I'm so excited! I keep thinking something is going to happen since the other 3 have failed but again, they assured me it will not fail there.
As usual, I will keep you all posted about the admit and how it all goes.
Also, back to my original question (seems so long ago!) about how long to stay away after admit, they recommend to start with 1 week and if he still hasn't leveled off a bit they will recommend another week. Guess that part is to be determined.
Thanks my friends...you all are awesome!
Take that week of respite to do some things you haven't been able to do. Go out for lunch with girlfriends, give yourself a manicure...read, sleep, whatever you love to do.
Then, I went home, had a little lunch and my sister came over so we could sit together and talk awhile.
While she was here, I got a call that he had escaped the place through a window. He ran down the street with 4 staff on foot and one in a car after him! The police were called and they finally talked him into getting into a car and brought him back.
The lady who called was so nice! She told me he was talking with staff, having some coffee and a cookie. She said they were used to such things and she wished she didn't have to call me. Anyway, they had everything under control and had him one-on-one with staff by the time she called me.
This whole thing is a nightmare! I'm just hoping that he'll settle down, begin to trust some of the staff and become familiar with some of the other people there.
It really is a wonderful place, the staff is confident and friendly and it's like a miracle that he got into such a place.
Well, it's certain I'll be staying away for at least a week but I'm thinking it will need to be even longer for him to adjust.
I've got to get to bed tonight and tomorrow is another day. Sure feels strange without him here, but peaceful too.
Once again, I'll keep you all posted...and glad I have you to talk to!
watch alice cooper do " vengeance is mine " on youtube if you want to dig my mindset ..
it sucks when all of the crazy people label you as crazy .
Yes, better it happen now so they will spread the word. My mother fell the first hour after I told them she was a fall risk! They learned their lesson.
I bet they will remedy all the windows now (amazed they hadnt already)
Need a camera on his bed also, like my mom.
I sure hope they get his meds settled and in a few months so will he. It took my mom a few months and now she likes it.
I am actually glad it happened though because they did add extra staff to make sure it doesn't happen again.
I'm hoping the medication (Alprazalam and Seroquel) will keep him down enough to settle in. Mica393, it's amazing to me it could take "months" for your mother to adjust, wow! That seems like a long time but I can see this is going to be another learning curve for me. I'm just hoping it doesn't take that long.
Another problem, my hubby (Bob) presents very calm and likeable. He doesn't even look like a person who would be there. But I think the whole time he's looking for an escape plan and people don't realize it. How in the world can he put that together when he can't even remember what happened a few seconds ago?!
Well, so far I've learned a few things. 1) there's a BIG difference between an AL and a memory care facility. 2) it's okay to lie to a person with Alzheimer's so they can get some help. 3) don't trust what you think they might or might not do
4) some things like how long to stay away after admit cannot be determined till the very moment family and the healthcare workers think it is the right time.
I'm still not knowing when I'll go back because I wouldn't want to set him back to trying to get with me again. I'm thinking it could be almost a month...but just guessing!
I'm feeling at this point, I don't know much...lol!
I've been relaxing today and feeling a bit lost but I am much calmer. I think it'll be okay and will take time for the adjustment on his end and also mine.
Your feeling of being a bit lost will stay for a very long time- this feeling is still with me for many months after placement.
In the beginning I sometimes would go to the place and "spy" on mom, keeping out of sight and observing how she was getting along.... it satisfied me more than a phonecall and I could see her without disturbing her.
I've had him by my side for at least the last 4 years even though he was diagnosed 9 years ago. It's a strange feeling to have him gone and trying to figure out what to do with myself.
I have errands today and it's Memorial Day too. I just keep busy and I know that I will soon get into a new routine of my own.
The facility that he is in has no way to "spy" as you did. If I could though, I would. 😉
Had she put off her "maintenance"? I have no idea. But I think that YOU should pay a visit at least to your primary and go from there.
All good things to you!
Anyway, I do feel very run down and tired but that's to be expected.
Thanks for the suggestion!