Has anyone started hating your siblings, because they are never around to help?

Not nearly as much as I hated them for obstructive meddling and wrecking.

I don't know if I can say "hate" my siblings, or not. But as they have for the past 40 yrs basically chosen to pursue their own lives, geographically and/or emotionally far removed from my mother, and myself, providing a pitiful amount or type of support that "families " need, in order to not just survive--but thrive, now that she is gone, I feel there is no future for this set of 5 siblings. But who moved? It was not me. My job may have kept me here, or not (spouse had multiple offers to relocate, we turned all down, for sake of my parents). Siblings all just couldn't wait to "get away" from home. So they did that, and never returned. I feel divorced from all of them, because they withdrew their affections, and other relationships were clearly much, much more important to nuture, than their family of origin. I was left to take care, increasingly, of both my parents. I enjoyed it, because all the everyday things I did for them, we're watched by my 3 kids, and you can't fool kids. The other grandkids were coached to send artwork or make phonecalls, and write thank you notes. Surely these actions were "noticed" by my mom. But there is no substitute for spur of the moment ice cream cones between grandma and grandchild. Just the same as there is no substitute for Being There, Every Day. Some kids think they can get away with every other Thanksgiving, or a 5 yr reunion, or sending a gift basket at the holidays. If that feels good to you, do it. However there are those of us who have slept many hours in a green vinyl chair listening to mom breathe raggedly for a couple weeks and also witness her last groans. Do I hate my siblings? No I think they are to be pitied. They missed Life, and Death. May they have courage as they face the rest of their lives, and their deaths, and beyond. No one can ever take away the love and sacrifices we make for our seniors.

Hate my siblings because of decisions they've made regarding our mother? No.

Out of 7 kids, 4 of us (the daughters) share the load. I think it has brought us closer together. Two brothers are involved minimally because of health issues. The third brother is not involved because, as far as I can tell, he is a jerk. On the other hand I have no idea of the nature of his relationship with Mom or the state of his own mental health. I'm having a close relationship with my mother and my sisters. Poor guy. He is not.

I have exactly the same opportunities regarding Mother that all seven of us have. I can decide how much I want to be involved. So can they. Hating them for making different decision than I did would hurt me. Why would I do that?

mlanette0079, I think you would be better off psychologically and emotionally if you just consider yourself an only child (in this regard). OK, it is all up to you. You have to figure out a way to see that Mom gets good care while at the same time not shortchanging you own children or harming your family financially. You have already seen that fussing at your sibs is not getting that done, so you need more practical solutions. If you want to start a new thread with questions about practical solutions, I'm sure you will get a big response. Many people struggle with this.

You do need help. Accept that you are not getting it from your siblings. Whether you hate them or not is irrelevant to the solution.

I lost it with my mom tonight when she said she was going to ask my brother for help with her taxes. I have been estranged from him for over 10 years. He sees her maybe every 6 weeks and is NO help. I guess I'm just offering empathy, not answers, but yes it's okay to resent!

I don't dislike my brothers who don't help. I understand why they don't, so usually don't feel much resentment. When I do, it is because of the position that I am in and not because of anything they haven't done. I won't press upon them if my mother's condition worsens (which it will). When I need more help, my mother has money and can either enter a facility or hire someone to come in. There is no need for everyone's lives to be upended.