my mother is currently in a home for rehab. she has dementia and severe rheumatoid heart disease...she needs 24 hour care and my dad says he's taking her home tomorrow!
My FIL really wanted to die at home, and I still feel sad that he didn't. I wish we had asserted his wishes more strongly. At the same time, your dad may not be sufficiently healthy enough to care for your mom himself. Is your mom's prognosis such that hospice be called in? Could you support his plan to take her home, but ask that he allow a few days for arrangements to be made so she can be comfortable at home and he can spend time being with her instead of nursing her?
Why does your dad want to take her home? Is this a reaction for some event that happened at the nursing home? Is he indeed able to care for her himself? Convince him to have a conversation with the doctor and social worker at once. I agree with Carol. Find a way to delay this maneuver either by persuasion or adult protective services or some legal means. Good Luck.
I agree, try to find out what exactly is happening and why. It may be that when you know you will support his plan -- or know how and why to fight it. You need information BEFORE you make enemies of others involved to try to have any input in the process.
It would be nice if the social worker would step in and help him clarify what he's thinking and help him problem solve ways to get their needs met at home or if it's dangerous for her to return to home provide some education and start building some trust. A little bit of education and honest communication could go a long way...
Yes, it would be AMA (against medical advice), but if he chooses to take her home (actually she would probably prefer it if she knew) as a spouse he can. She has a terminal illness. Do you think he is going to harm her by having her with him? He is hurting too, losing his spouse to a disease that robs her of her memory. As a nurse, stay out of their business, be supportive and visit.
What are the ages of your parents and why does your dad want to take her home? Does you think for example that she is near death and wants her to die at home, or maybe she has expressed that wish to him? Or is there also something wrong with your dad, does he function with mental clarity?
As LuAnn has mentioned, unless your dad has conservatorship or guardianship, depending upon what its called in your state, as a spouse, if there's no paperwork to the contrary, he is pretty much assumed to be her power of attorney.
If you absolutely disagree with your father's choice to move your mother, especially if you think he may not be functioning on all cylinders, you could call in adult protective services who may help you get a temporary restraining order and you can also see an attorney, sooner rather than later, to get an emergency temporary order for guardianship or conservatorship. You can get her personal care doctor as well as the nursing home doctor involved in the case as well.
Don't waste any time. If you truly believe this move would be deleterious to her health and that she wouldn't want it, you must step in to try to prevent the move in the first place.
Yes your dad can remove your mother from the nursing home without a release or discharge order but it would be considered discharging against medical advice. If she is capable of stating that she doesn't want to go home then no he can't take her unless he is her guardian. They will probably ask him to sign a form releasing them from liability and stating that he is discharging against medical advice. He would not be able to take her medications with her and the staff would not be able to assist with discharge planning or make referrals to home health agencies. Is there a specific reason he wants to take her home?
As LuAnn has mentioned, unless your dad has conservatorship or guardianship, depending upon what its called in your state, as a spouse, if there's no paperwork to the contrary, he is pretty much assumed to be her power of attorney.
If you absolutely disagree with your father's choice to move your mother, especially if you think he may not be functioning on all cylinders, you could call in adult protective services who may help you get a temporary restraining order and you can also see an attorney, sooner rather than later, to get an emergency temporary order for guardianship or conservatorship. You can get her personal care doctor as well as the nursing home doctor involved in the case as well.
Don't waste any time. If you truly believe this move would be deleterious to her health and that she wouldn't want it, you must step in to try to prevent the move in the first place.