It's natural to bond with people who are going through the same experience as you. Interesting, that some of the posters above think it's the caregiving spouse who's found a new friend, and some think it's the spouse with Alzheimer's - re-reading carefully, it is the spouse with Alzheimer's who has found new companionship, is it?
But either way. If you are caring for someone who is slipping away, naturally you bond with someone who's in your situation and understands your loneliness, and whom you can help too. Similarly, if your mind is playing tricks on you, you're lost and frightened, and every day you see someone in your memory care unit who seems to familiar and is also seeking help… well, then, same thing. The BBC recently broadcast a series called "Protecting Our Parents" (good series, terrible trite title) where exactly this situation happened. A husband recently moved into care was seen meeting a fellow resident who was wandering the unit; she said "can you help me?"; he said, taking her hand "of course I'll help you." They were like babes in the wood.
Oh dear, lump in the throat. Horrible horrible Alzheimer's. I don't know about common, but it's certainly understandable.
I'm caring for my husband, with late stage Alzheimer's, at home - and I also work full-time (mostly from home). Personally, I wouldn't consider another companion - even though I don't have mine any more (per se). My huysband is bed-bound now and I'm so overwhelmed and exhausted all the time, I don't have time to even think about being lonely or needing companionship. I'm not judging others who do - but for me, even if I felt I needed it, I wouldn't do it.
I see no problem with it since I myself am taking care of a parent who has Alzheimer's. It's a lonely place to be as a caregiver and if you are lucky enough to find someone to be with enjoy it without guilt.
I've seen a little about it and withhold any judgment. It is probably not very common because Alz is mostly a disease of elderly people who are no longer looking for dates. Caring for a spouse with Alz may take up any available time and be very depressing. The sad thing is that, as dementia progresses, it can effectively make the partner feel very alone. Some may reach out for companionship. I understand and don't condemn, since I am not in their shoes.
I believe that it does happen, and that when it does it was not started out that way. It is just the case of someone needing "a shoulder to lean on" Unless you have had to deal with Alzheimer's personally you will not understand what the family goes through. The spouse may or not have family close by to lean on their shoulder, My father in-law went through Alzheimer;s prior to his death, and if it was not for my wife my mother in-law would have been left alone even though there were other siblings. We are as a human being are not designed to not want someone else around us in our time of need. Alzheimer's is a cruel disease that takes a person memory, dignity, love of life, The one thing I will always remember is the time I went to see my father in-law and one minute he was talking about the fishing trips we use to take and the next he ask who I was and then told he did not know who the hell I was, So does it happen yes, is it unusual probably happens more then we think, is it wrong that is up to your personal beliefs.
I would think it is fairly common especially in early onset dementia. We all need companionship and the loss of a spouse to this dreadful disease would be devastating. Consider early onset the spouse may have 20 or more years yet to live. They have provided the best possible care for their partner, they deserve any happiness that they find. With older couples in facilities a point will come that they will be in separate areas. Should the spouse without dementia limit friendships with others because spouse is in a different area? I don't think so it is part of caring for ourselves whatever form that takes.
I did not see this as a dementia issue but for any caregiver with an end of life partner. I think that it begins innocently enough with a friend or neighbor or even a workmate who feels empathy (or maybe more) for the caregiving offering support and then or more likely later it developes into something more. it is a very complicated situation and has many reasons and outcomes and in this case i would "live and let live"
But either way. If you are caring for someone who is slipping away, naturally you bond with someone who's in your situation and understands your loneliness, and whom you can help too. Similarly, if your mind is playing tricks on you, you're lost and frightened, and every day you see someone in your memory care unit who seems to familiar and is also seeking help… well, then, same thing. The BBC recently broadcast a series called "Protecting Our Parents" (good series, terrible trite title) where exactly this situation happened. A husband recently moved into care was seen meeting a fellow resident who was wandering the unit; she said "can you help me?"; he said, taking her hand "of course I'll help you." They were like babes in the wood.
Oh dear, lump in the throat. Horrible horrible Alzheimer's. I don't know about common, but it's certainly understandable.
At this stage in the caregivers life they have endured their own exhaustion and anxiety and only others who have experienced this can understand...
Live and learn! Find friendship wherever you can!
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