My Mother (88) and the son is the only one that takes care of her. She has four daughters the are missing in action. Advice?

It is apparently pretty common for one person in a family to do the actual hands-on caregiving. (I am lucky that is not the case in my family, but I see it here all the time.)

Do not count on your sisters coming to their senses. Highly unlikely that a major change will take place.

So, you do it all. Bless you. But when it becomes more than you can handle (as it often does, depending on the loved ones' impairments) make the decisions about more in-home help (with mother's money, of course) or an appropriate care center.

Do you have Power of Attorney? Medical Proxy? Is there an Advance Directive about end-of-life situations. My advice would be to get all these ducks in a row now, because I don't think you can count on sisters suddenly truly helping.

This advice is for you, if you are the son/caregiver, or for that person, if not you:
Keep meticulous records of your mother's money and what it is spent on. Turn her down if she suggests that you take some for yourself / your time, but do allow her to pay her/your expenses (gas, supplies, food). Offer to show the books to the daughters. Remind them that medical and care costs not covered by insurance will be large, and that a person does NOT HAVE AN ESTATE until after they have died. Until then, she will need to spend HER money on HERSELF and HER CARE.

They don't have to be near Mom to send a dinner over, do errands and shopping for you. Sorry to say, don't think you can get thru to people like these daughters.

yes, very sad, but so unusual to hear the son is the sole caretaker and 4 sisters don't help! and yes, as people have said, we hear this a lot! one person has most or all of the responsibility of caring for a loved one! hopefully he has the legal papers he needs to care for her. and, unfortunately you can't expect anything from anyone...if they choose not to help. got bless that son!!!

Great answer, Mum. I totally agree. I am the total caretaker daughter and have a similar case - only it's the only son who doesn't do diddly and accuses those that do.... I have written a few long letters over the last few years, detailing exactly what is happening & why & how much it costs to my brother. When my father passes away & the estate is probated, I want to have meticulous receipts and records of what went where AND the evidence that I told him what was happening in detail to give him every opportunity to step up & become involved - or even express an opinion. Given his attitude so far, I've got no doubt that he'll be the one that will challenge the executors of the estate (me & my sister). I figure this way any attorney or judge will tell him that he was informed & everything is in order and he has no legal justification for a challenge.

I am caring for my mom who has vascular dementia. I have an brother who will not help. So I just take one day at a time. I live with my mom, take care of meds, shopping, finances and whatever else is needed. I made a promise to her and to God that I would care for her only as long as I was able to then I would have to make other arrangements. I have POA medical and financial and I don't believe anyone else gives a darn, but if they do they can consult the elder care lawyer.

Most of the time, the siblings who don't want to be involved are those that you are better off NOT having involved! You do not need people who have an attitude and probably would not do what was required. When I was taking care of my MIL, there was one sister-in-law who was great, another who was helpful but bossy, and the others were better off not helping. We did have a day care lady who was great, and made it work.

most people dont help but when your loved ones die they want to help themselves to everything left and the courts will help them sorry that is just the way it is

I will guess mom drove them off a long time ago with criticism and nagging. Bringing them back into the picture may create more problems than it solves. Let them go, they won't help with the funeral either. Send all the money to charity so they don't get that either.

I have two brothers that can't even make a call. One still works and lives 7 hrs away. Don't expect a reg. Visit but a call would be nice. The other just retired and lives 30 min away. She has seen him 3x since last Nov. and one time was a funeral of an Aunt. My Mom was a good mother. She sacrificed for her kids. There will come a time when she won't know us. I have always been the one who is there. I have raised my kids, been daycare for 2 Gsons and babysitter when needed. Have been there for my parents. Now we r retired. My husband is approaching 70. His parents r gone. We would like to do what we want when we want. Now, everything has to be planned. If we want to vacation, Mom would need to go to respite care which is not covered by Medicare. TG she is easy but she is bored. At this point of her dementia, she can no longer read which is what she enjoyed. Can't teach her anything new. She needs to be on one floor where she can walk around and interact with others her age.