Son and DIL want to take a holiday stay in the same apartment complex as my MIL, who blames me for her son’s dementia. Asks will I be OK with that.

This is a situation out of convenience. That’s it. Just to save money. It is not a slam against you or your husband. I wouldn’t like her as a MIL either if I were you but try for your son and DIL to separate it from your relationship with him.

Tell your son and DIL to have a great time on their vacation. Don’t place a guilt trip on them. She is his grandmother and just maybe she will see something new through his eyes. I could be dead wrong but regardless I wouldn’t stand in the way of my son saving money or seeing his grandmother.

Kind of like when parents divorce. I admire parents who are committed to raising children with no guilt or animosity towards the other parent.

Panda,

Do you know the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

This lady is obviously a sicko with multiple personality disorders, you should be thankful that you have never been on her radar, she would have sucked your life force. Please don't play her stupid b!+@# games. Tell your son that you hope he has a great holiday and remember, we don't care to her about gma, so have respect for us and no talking out of school.

I know that you are terribly hurt and feeling very betrayed, I know I would want my son to side with me 100% and have nothing to do with the old bag, but it is his gma and he must be allowed to make his own mistakes. You will show that you are the bigger person by just letting go and leaving it alone.

My inlaws are always talking crap about me and when people tell me, or try to, I smile and say, as long as they're talking about me and not to me it's all good, cuz if I wanted to hear from a butwhole, i would fart. That always gets a change of subject pronto.

Try to find any way you can to just put her in a compartment and ignore her ugly hateful behavior, she'll regret it one day, when she is old and feeble and in need she will be alone because of her craziness.

Hugs to you, you can rise above this and even find a good laugh, you just gotta work at it.

Panda, what's wrong with their getting a cheap holiday? If that's what it's all about, then, fine...?

As for MIL: you have to let your son and your DIL come to their own conclusions, you know. The woman is your son's grandmother. You might think all kinds of colourful and unpublishable things about about her, and you might well be right, but the boy has every right to find this out for himself.

Ah, so son would actually be seeing Nice Aunt, and staying in one of her apartments. If MIL is somehow encountered, it would be on the periphery, and not necessarily at all. I’m tempering my previous statement then, in the hopes that Son would actually get to spend some time with Nice Aunt who is well aware of the family dynamics. It might be good for son to see and maintain a healthy relationship with Nice Aunt and Good Cousins, and learn how to keep MIL at a distance, right?

Panda;
They are staying in the same complex where she lives, not WITH her, right?

And your son and DIL are housing you and DH right now?

Your MIL is clearly f--king crazy, you know that, right?

Nevertheless, your son would like to visit with his grandmother. And maybe intercede on your behalf…..?

It seems to me that you are expecting an awful lot, while living with your son and DIL, for them to pay extra when they can get a less dear apartment in Gma's complex (not staying WITH her) and paying her a call.

You expect your son to take umbrage at his gma's refusal to see his dad, which is clearly based not on fact, but on insanity.

I think you are asking an awful lot of your son and DIL. My opinion only.

I think....it all comes down to this. He’s an adult. He’s taking a vacation and paying for it. What he does and where he stays is his business. You shouldn’t worry about it. Seriously. Life is too short to let something like this affect you.

Your son is an adult. Allow him to get to really know his grandmother up close and personal. She is a narcissist?
It feels like hurt to me, and I am sorry you are experiencing this painful rejection of you and your hubs. Pandabear, can you be like Switzerland on this one?

Detach with love?

So, this would be your adult son and his wife (not you) staying with your MIL while they are on a holiday trip, so they can save money on the trip? First off, I'd be very concerned about your MIL's mental state. Who would have such a belief that you caused her son's dementia if they were thinking clearly. I'd question what is wrong with her. A reasonable person knows that is not possible. And, how to you know the rest of the family believes that too? Did she tell you? I'd question if that is true. Maybe, she lied to them or you. And, if his family is that deluded, I'd be glad they were not around. Sounds unhealthy.

If MIL and that side of family is that deluded, then perhaps your son seeing it up close may afford him the REAL picture. I know it might hurt, but, I think I'd likely tell son to stay where he can afford. This free visit could end up being more of pain that he bargained for, if you know what I mean. Perhaps, he will see up close what is wrong with her. He has to know that her beliefs are baseless and hurtful. I hope he thinks of things to say if she tries to convince him.

Panda;

You confused me when you said that you were staying with your son and DIL. YOU are housing them, it seems, which puts a different light on things.

But the fact that no one would give them a mortgage suggests that they have financial difficulties, yes? So one would expect that they are trying to get by.

Never mix family and money is a very old saying.

Panda,

You certainly know your son and DIL better than we do. I hope it all works out. Every family has skeletons in the closet. No one has a perfect family. I’m sure you are disappointed in the whole situation.

Your MIL is being ridiculous by blaming you for things that are no one’s fault. Karma! It all comes out in the wash, so to speak. What goes around comes around. Never know what will happen in the days ahead.

I’m sorry you’re hurt by all of this.