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looking after my mum with dementia, 24/7, is causing severe depression and I also have ptsd through a robbery on my dads home were I and my dad were nearly killed, my dad is also ill ptsd and depression and needs a hip replacement suffering severe pain and can hardly walk, so im looking after both, I get no sleep of a night what so ever im up and down the stairs all night as I put my mum to bed she gets up all the time, I put her back to bed and shes up again, this carries on till about 7 in the morning while im following her sobbing and exhausted, I tried all tablets but they don't work, she fights it, then I out her on nytol bingo, it worked for so long now the effect has worn of, she is on the go all day and all night and will nod of for an hour or so in the day, surly to god there's got to be something out there, I genuinely feel as if im having a breakdown but cant fully because there's no way I would put my mum in care, I will carry on till I drop, she needs to go into respite care just the days only, but she wont go and I no she will be looking for me and crying, I don't no what to do maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she had a normal sleep pattern, you wouldn't let a dog suffer in this way never mind a human being alzimers and dementia are horrible cruel life destroying illnesses I feel for for you all who care for your loved ones, don't no how much longer I can cope this is cruel so cruel

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What does her doctor suggest?

I absolutely could not have kept my husband home, no matter how much I loved him, if his doctors had not been able to solve the challenge of his restless nights. You cannot be an effective caregiver with continuous sleep deprivation. It is not fair to you and it is not safe for your loved ones.

I see only two safe solutions:

1) Get medical assistance to solve the problem. This may take trying more than one solution until one works.
2) Hire a night caregiver.

That's it.

Having both parents go to a day program and getting your sleep during the day may be useful, too, but most people have a very tough time adjusting to that reversal of normal sleep patterns.

You may be willing to carry on until you drop, but what will your mother and father do with you gone? You need a solution that protects your sanity and health, for your parents' sake as well as for you.

Start with Mother's doctor.
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if I'm not mistaken diazepam is xanax. My moms doc did not want her on it for treatment of sundowning. While it is addictive, it caused lethargy in mom and she had very hard time getting around. That said, do not just stop the diazepam, it takes tapering off. You should get her to another doctor, a neurologist that specializes in dementia, the earlier the better.
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Ativan can have the opposite effect than desired in the elderly. I don't think the addictive effect is very important at this stage. If there is pain you have to give what it takes to relieve it, it is the same with anxiety and agitation. but giving huge doses of anxiolitics does not work you need to change the medications. You just have to keep trying till you find the right drug and dosage. The rules of the game are that you start with a small dose and slowly increase as needed. you are your Moms advocate so don't let the Dr set the rules without an explanation that you can understand. Take someone with you who is not emotionally involved to help you remember what was said and work things out. I am sure there is help out there for you and your Mom. Are you getting proper treatment for your PTSD? there is hope don't give up
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Sleep deprivation is so awful. I feel your pain. I was in your situation not long ago. My mother was going to daycare and I was working fulltime. She started not sleeping as well and going to daycare and me going to work exhausted. She ended up gettting sick from that and ended up needing skilled nursing in a nursing home.. Once in the nursing home amazingly she slept, she was always well, she was never happy or adjusted. So knowing there is no way I could bring her home again, we looked into a memory center. She was placed last week and is doing wonderful. I can't explain the feeling of going there and seeing her happy and wanting me to leave so she could get on with the activities.. The staff is amazing with the patients.. I really feel that this life is a better life for her then being at home. She told me she feels safe, clean and so much better. They have at least six activities everyday to keep them busy.. I needed to share this with you for some reason. I hope it helps and wish the best for you..
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Where is your Mother going to go, when you are no longer able to care for you. I am not trying to be mean, but you mention it yourself?

Whatever that answer is, needs to happen now. I applaud you for trying to take care of her, but you have done it as long as you can. We have all been in a similar position and we appreciate what you are going through.
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I too care for my Mom 24/7. When I asked her to move in with me 3 years ago she had the beginning stages of dementia, sundowning, and was in a wheel chair because of lower leg amputation. Her dementia is now in the later stages and she lost her eye sight 2 years ago due to wet macular degeneration.
Overall she is content and easy going, but when she lost her eyesight she was hell on wheels at night and would doze on and off during the day - making us both extremely irritable and exhausted.
After several months of very little sleep I begged the Dr's for something to knock Mom out for even a litttle while. All of the sleeping pills they perscribed just made her agitated and hallucinating . . I figured it was better to be awake all night than to make Mom crazy.
Process of illimination led me to Melatonin at 6:00pm, a banana at 7:00 and she is ready for bed at 8:00 . . .Melatonin helps to keep her from getting to an agitated state and I read somewhere that banana's help with sleep along with making sure she has a full stomache before heading to bed. For today this is working for us and Mom is asleep usually by 10:00 and stays asleep until morning :) .
I hope you too can find a combination of things that will give both you and your Mom a peaceful night . . . until then hang in there and know that there are people who understand and care.
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A day program sounds like a great idea for your mom. Mine attends one Monday thru Friday and has been for about a year. Each morning is a battle to get her to go, though. But, I have become quite clever, I'll tell her we need to meet with the nurse, someone needs her to help the today, we are going shopping, whatever I think will work on that day. My mom really enjoys the program, they keep her busy, and tire her out with many different activities. She still gets up and down for a couple, three hours after she goes to bed, but then sleeps pretty well. Have you tried chamomile tea to calm her, this has worked with my mom in the mornings, just to take the edge off.

I would also talk to her doc, could be sundowning, and there are many medications that will help with that, and maybe you can get some sleep too.
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Diazipam is the generic of Xanax.
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Debbiebell...I'm not sure if really at this point anything works...for some reason with my mom. The drugs had adverse reactions to her. Plus if she is overmedicated there is risk of her falling. Mom was so drugged at times she could hardly stand up but that still wouldn't stop her from trying. The dementia that she had was LBD (lewey body dementia) and as with Jeannegibb's husband the solutions are very limited. But having someone take on night care would be a great help to you. Is your mom or dad on any kind of assistance? Do they have Hospice? When mom was delusional and would be up all night long. She was in her last stage of dementia. At this point Hospice was a great help with setting us up with equipment, hospital beds with rails, medications, and other devices as bed alarms to help with alerting us of her getting up.
The exhaustion will tear you down..you need sleep. I know exactly what you are feeling...was there only a year ago. So try and get someone to sit with her so you can rest.
Keep coming back here for advice..or if you need to just to vent. We all know what you are going through....and its so nice to know that you can relate to someone who has been there or is currently there. God Bless...and Good luck.
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It is a dreadful illness, and he would get cross with me, but just to have him with me I would be so happy, We bought a mobility Car to take him out, jhe did not know where he was, and he could not see, but I would never have put him in a home
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