Sometimes I get jealous of people who have healthier parents. Any advice?

Edit: Exveemon, sorry that I erred on your user name. I am sorry that the PEG tube implantation seemingly made things worse.

Sometimes I feel overwhelming sadness when I read about others difficulties with their fathers. When they are called "daddy" has significant impact. I want to scream "just be happy you had him for so long"!

I tragically lost my dad when I was 12. 😧😧😢😢

Be grateful for the time you had!

I didn’t get jealous of people who had healthier parents but of siblings that did not help with our parents. To me their message was their life and family was so much important than mine.

It sounds like it may be time for placement. You can’t go on like this. I would start exploring the options now (which you may have already done or working on). It can be a long and difficult journey to accomplish the task of placement.

I can’t really say I know how you feel but I did walk that road and it was very difficult. It’s been almost a year since my mom passed and I’m just starting to heal from the trauma of the whole situation.

Good luck.

I have wanted a different family dynamic for most of my life and good health is the major factor. My mother is 92. I saw her today at the SN facility and it was a difficult visit. Basically she can no longer make a telephone call out unless she is prompted and even then it is only successful about a third of the time. She can't hold the phone, press the numbers and position the pad with my number.

I wouldn't say I am jealous of others but I certainly have often wished I could switch places. I really don't know how much worse everything can get or maybe I do from seeing other residents and that thought is very frightening. I understand your wishes.

Please Pay for someone to come in and help or place her in a home if you’re done. You won’t be giving her the care she needs if you’re burnt out. I understand, and God bless you for all you’ve done and all your doing, but that’s the bottom line dear. Get help one way or another.

I get jealous of caregivers who have supportive siblings.

Yes, that sounds awful. Your feelings of jealousy are very, very normal. No one wants to be trapped the way that you are.

What are your options in terms of care for your mother? Is there a facility where she can go?

15 years ago I had to help my mostly bedridden mother in law was similar issues. She would get impacted so bad that we would take her to the ER so a nurse could physically remove it. We finally found a remedy at home. Mix one cup of carbonated water with one cup of prune juice. Heat it in the microwave for one minute. Have her drink it down. The combination of carbonation, warmth, hydration and prune juice worked great. Best of luck!

I'm jealous of people whose parents are already dead!

My mom was anemic, so I gave her prescribed liquid ferrous sulfate (in orange juice) daily. To address the constipation that was a side effect, her Dr. prescribed Polyethylene Glycol 3350 (also in orange juice). It worked.

Addressing the issue of siblings, I have three. None were involved in the care of my Mom. In fact they new nothing of her health issues (cateract surgery, hip surgery), and never inquired. I had my hands full, and to be honest, I did not want any interference. The only time I discussed her situation with them was when she died, and I told them about the arrangements. They came to the funeral, and left right after. They never questioned me, and I was able to close the estate with no problem. I'm not sure what kind of relationship I will have with them going forward.

Every time I read a comment from a fellow caregiver, I realize how lucky I was with my mom. Not until the last few days of her life, when her personality changed dramatically (Another TIA combined with a UTI diagnosis), did she ever complain about how I was taking care of her. Not even when it came to the point where I was cleaning her hind end at least three times a day (always accompanied with a new pull-up), and helping her wash her body (She loved it when I used a warm cloth on her back). I would ask all the time, "Mom, do you mind that I, as your son, are so personal with you? Her response was always, "No."

It was hard to see a once vibrant woman, who was active in her field of business right up until age 85, slowly begin to fade as the years passed. She died in January at age 93, just a day after she was admitted to the hospital. I was able to keep her home home right up until then. I always say I was proud to be with her as she completed the journey to the sunset of her life. Boy, do I miss her.

I'm sorry to hear that your mother's health is declining. Have a plan if her care gets to be too much for you to do by yourself. Connect with a local social worker who can explain her options. She may be eligible for additional in-home aides or nurses who can help you. Take all the help you can get so you can get some breaks. (But if people are coming into your home, lock up the valuables and personal papers, especially financial papers). All the best to you and a big hug.

I’m sorry your Mom is getting worse.

About bowels and digestion, I think that the fact that she no longer gets up is partially to blame for the constipation and the laxative.

Can you introduce more fibrous foods in her diet? Look on the internet for high fiber. I’ve had a lot of success with beans, lentils, watermelon, cabbage, broccoli, etc. I remember some preparations of apples and carrots, as well as white rice and white bread were to be avoided.

Your Mom’s use of laxatives might be the reason for the constipation also. When you have a wee bit of time, google “are laxatives bad for you”. Have you talked to her doctor about her digestive issues?

I admire you. I can not do what you are doing. It takes quite a bit from me just to brush her teeth.