At first she said it was because of her medication, then she said it was because she wasn't sleeping very well. She acted like she expected it to be temporary and just go away by itself. Well she's got worse and worse over this last year. She can't remember something you tell her only a few minutes later. She tells the same stories over and over and over. Sometimes starting the story again right after finishing it. She will jump off topic in the middle of a conversation. She can't send text messages any more, she can't work out how to do it. But she used to be able to. Or how to use her TV remote. She gets confused if she has to speak to anyone on the phone, like the bank or speak to anyone in a shop like to get her prescriptions. All sounds like dementia. But... could it be anything else? Dehydration, thyroid function, anemia, diabetes? Her meds? Anxiety? Could she be faking it? She lives alone but wants any excuse she can think of to get someone to be with her. she's been known to use illness to manipulate before. If it might be anything else, what can we do about it?
If your mother has used illness as a way to manipulate in the past I can understand that you might be a little skeptical now. It is a very sad mistake to assume persons with early stage dementia are faking it. That just makes everything harder to cope with.
Early evaluation has many benefits. It helps for family to know what is going on. If it is something treatable, treatment can begin. In the case of dementia there is no cure but some symptoms can be addressed and quality of life can be improved. Treatments are most effective in the early stages, so why put it off?
If Mom hates living alone, maybe this is a good time to begin exploring other options, like a senior community, or perhaps assisted living.
As for your participation in her care, you need to start setting boundaries right now. You cannot do everything for her. Decide what kind of help you can provide and how often. If she needs more help than that, your job it to figure out how to see that she gets it -- not to personally provide all of it. You may have to stand up to a lot of accusations, but that doesn't magically enable you to be two places at once or to care for your own family and also your mother full time.
If Mom has dementia, she will sooner or later need 24/7 supervision. You may have to "palm her off on other people" whether she wants that or not. That is, she may be able to stay in her own place for a time if she has in-home care, and when that is not enough, other arrangements will be needed. She is young and may be living with increasing impairments for decades. Don't fall into the trap of doing everything for her thinking that will be enough.
The sooner you have some idea of what you are dealing with in your mother's health, the sooner you can start making realistic plans for her care. Please arrange a "general checkup" for her.
Sorry to vent :) thanks for your advice. Xxx