Is they're not some kind of a law against the misuse of power of attorney? He's not consulted with my mother one time about any of these choices he's made now I have to go down there and tell her that her baby boy is out to let her die in a nursing home. It's hard enough to face my mom when I leave she's begging me to come home. Now I have to tell her this. Please can someone help me honestly I don't know where else to turn.
Not trolling, giving opinion why OP's mom wants to come home. FYI My mom said something similar as OP's mom, (she was there after hospital stay);she was of sound mind, In her case the NHs were indeed crappy. In fact 2 she was at, have permanently closed, the other had a complete change of personnel, to try to improve their low ratings. Thank you for your comments
freqflyer
Thank you. You're probably right, but OP's mom probably hates where she is, understandable
Cost of care is expensive. Your brother is using your Mom's savings to pay for the nursing home cost. In my area, it cost $12,000 a month, thus $144k per year.
If your brother took your Mom home to take care of her, he would need to hire 3 shifts of caregivers. My Dad had that, it was costing him $20,000 per month, thus $240k per year.
So, how is your brother "cashing in" on your Mom???
Of course, it is not uncommon for an older person who is living in a facility to beg to come home, because in their own mind they believe they can take care of themselves, which in reality they cannot.
Can I suggest that you read your answers and make sure that you are clear, you sound completely irrational and hysterical, you will get nowhere being hysterical trying to deal with this situation. You need to be calm and articulate so people can understand what you are talking about.
If you think that your brother is abusing his POA first go to your Mother. If your Mom has dementia and cannot participate you can go to a Lawyer who can help you file to check on financial abuse.
However, do know THIS. If this becomes another sibling war over a parent with dementia it is possible, in a court battle, that a judge finding no answer may make a ruling that a court appointed guardian have guardianship over your Mom. If THAT is the case then neither you nor your bro will have any say whatsoevery over what happens to your Mom nor how her money is spent.
Please consider another option. Getting along. Providing support. Sitting down with one another and talking about Mom, where she is at mentally, what her needs are, what each of you can provide, and etc. Trust me, it will work so much better. Your Mom chose this son, perhaps because he is nearer her or perhaps for her own reasons, to be her POA. Try to work together. Wishing you so much good luck. Hoping you will update us in how it goes along.
Just because your mother doesn't like living in a nursing home does not mean that that isn't where she needs to be living.
Nursing homes also are expensive. It seems like your brother is paying for care that is about as expensive as it gets. If he wanted to be cheap, wouldn't he keep her at home floundering with bare minimum care?
I don't mean to sound heartless. Your post is vague. Is it that you believe that you would do things differently for your mother?
Good luck!