Follow
Share

Over the last few months, she has required 24 hour attention from me. Now, I have a very quiet, empty house with big blocks of time to fill.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
DaughterJoyce, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot give you much advice because I have not been in this situation yet. Please don't forget to ask for help, and please try and take care of you, even if its going off by yourself for several minutes or so. When I am anxious I put a picture of my dog in my head, it's incredibly effective. thinking of you. xo
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Joyce, I am so sorry for your loss. It will be quite difficult to get going again, as I know it will be for me. But if I want to be late coming back after she passes, I can. If I don't want to fix dinner I don't have to. I won't have to listen to a too loud tv, I can just turn it off if I want to. It is time for you to start doing what you want to do. This job is all consuming and a life altering event when the one we care for passes. It is one baby step at a time. Take your time and do the things you want to do.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You have an empty nest but it's much more. You are grieving the loss of your mom who was in every moment of your life for a long time. After the funeral, everyone's life goes back to normal, but yours doesn't. Give yourself time to grieve. Try putting your foot out thee one day at a time. Volunteer, go to the library, the senior center (if you are one) Call an old friend for lunch. Spring is coming, so go to a greenhouse, a botanical garden, take a master gardening course. I know this all sounds trite given your situation but you and join the world again. Mom won't want you sitting there growing moss. You can do it. You go girl!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

DaughterJoyce, my condolences on the loss of your mother. The gap in your life will seem immense to begin with. One small step at a time until you get your balance back. Big hug.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

DaughterJoyce, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know your next few weeks will be busy, doing the things that have to be done. I hope you are able to take some time for yourself just to sit back and read or watch TV. It is never easy when we lose someone who was such a big part of our lives. The hole that they leave can't be filled with anything but good memories when they come and time. God be with you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sorry for your loss. One day at a time, do you have an out of town friend or relative you can visit, just to catch your breath for a bit?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

i only spoke to my deceased mom once. she told me to shut the h*** up and get a gear ordered for the spare mortar mixer. she always was pretty practical.
thanks mom..
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

And DJ, I am sorry about your loss. Everyone has their own way of grieving. You'll do a lot of deep thinking and you'll plan. One day at a time.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

The care giver role is no easy street.
What everyone else said....
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am very sorry for your loss, after caring for family members recently and my father soon to move in I can feel your discomfort. After my sister in law passed I was the main financial person to handle all the details along with her brother in a nursing home. Dealing with all the issues was busy, after it was all done I felt a huge hole and did somewhat go into a depression for a short time. I just lost my mom and am cleaning out my parents house now. Try not to take it all in at once. Do a small thing one time a day, big jobs can wait, I am taking cleaning my parents house slowly while my dad is there. My sister wanted to swoop in and clean out quickly. She did it at first and it has caused a bit of discomfort. Take the time that is good for you and depending if there is a time factor that you may have to clean out. Don't be so quick to clear it all out at once. Take some time for yourself to reflect. After my moms funeral and all the papers were done there was more to do. I took a bit of time of to clear my head, talk to mom (I still do). Afterward you can be more clear about what you need to do.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yup. Very normal. And comforting.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you all so much for your caring and comments. They have all been very helpful. I am finding myself really busy with all of the "details". Phone calls and papers to be signed. It seems endless. I am trying to donate things to the appropriate agencies. I did one of the things I promised my Mother. I got a haircut yesterday, and came home and told her about it. I hope that does not sound insane. I talk to her all the time. I am hoping this is normal behavior.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom.

Take care of the things you need to be taking care of now. Arrangements, informing family and friends, etc. Get through all of that. Then be alone in the house for a little while. Feel it. Grieve for your mom. Do this until you're ready to rebuild your life without your mom being at the center. Have dinner with friends. Spend time with family. Go shopping. Read a book.

My dad died 10 months ago and it still hurts. But I've made a life without him. What other choice do we have?

Again, my condolences.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

So sorry for this loss. It is even bigger because she was so much a part of your daily life. Now you have time. Time for you, time for the future you want to build. You were a wonderful daughter to take care of her but now it is time for you. Others have said don't make a rash decision affecting money or the house. They are correct. WAIT. Sit and ponder. Think, daydream, allow your grief to build and fade and then build again, and deal with those emotions as they come. It is all a very natural stage and part of life. For now, don't do anything. Just absorb and BE. It will take time. It took time to adjust to being with her all the the time and caring for her, and now it will take some time to adjust to more time for yourself and to figure out how you want to proceed.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm so sorry. That makes me think of my Dad who I'm taking care of. Early in the morning he woke up calling me. I asked if he needed something. He wanted to get of the bed. I told him it's too early. I touched his face and some minutes later I found myself lying on the floor. I don't remember nothing or falling. I just looked around asking what am I doing here? I got up and he said: Did you fall down? I just don't know what happened. From there on he woke up several times, because he had to go to High School. I just took him to the living room and sat him on the sofa and fell asleep.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

So sorry!! Take time to reflect on the happier times..All those things you wished you had time for can get accomplished now..
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

i sure understand the empty house. i blew out of my moms empty house in a matter of hours and came home to start rebuilding my construction equiptment and my life. id suggest start putting back together all the things in your life that have been neglected. nurture the relationships in your life that matter and never look back on the ones that didnt stand the test of caregiving. some people are self centered and not worth investing in.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I'm so sorry for your loss! Please be good to yourself and don't make any big decisions (selling the house, moving, spending large amounts of money) in the next few months. Find a bereavement group to join--some funeral homes, churches, synagogues and hospitals have them. Take baby steps back toward a life that you craft. My very best to you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.