I have been the sole caregiver for my mom for 2 years. Am I doing too much for her?

It is hard to answer you until we know what you are doing. If you have taken over every aspect of her life and regularly do things she is capable of doing herself, or there are others who would be willing to do some of those things, or there are community resources available that your mom can afford to pay for... then yes, you may be doing too much! Everyone needs to be able to assert some independence and as much self reliance as they are able, for their own sense of self worth and to avoid having their whole life depend on the goodwill of one person.

favoritegurl, I think you may be doing too much as at the end of your paragraph you wrote "I'm tried overwhelmed and sad". Sounds like you are ready to crash and burn from all the work you are doing even though your Mom's health is astounding..

So tell us what are your Mom's health issues. At 85, there will have some type of health issues or mobility issues, even problems with seeing and hearing. Or not wanting to eat, or sleeping all day, or "sundowning" dementia.

To me, it's good for seniors to stay as independent as possible. Achieving things for yourself gives one a sense of accomplishment. Without that, it might be a pretty boring existence, so I get how others may think you are overdoing it.

However, if the senior is disabled and not capable of cooking, doing laundry, bathing themselves, etc., then, I say great. It's wonderful that you can help your mom with things. If someone has dementia, then you don't enable the person by helping them. They suffer from brain damage that prevents them from helping themselves. The patient may appear healthy, but not be able to prepare a meal, bathe or dress. The disability may not be apparent to others.

What I find troubling is that you say you are tired, overwhelmed and sad. Apparently, you are taking on too much. When a person needs around the clock care, they may need 3 shifts of people to assist. It's too much for one person and the caretaker may end up worse off than the patient. I don't see how being a martyr helps the senior. Take care of yourself first. Perhaps, you need help with mom's care. I'd explore that, so that you and mom can be happy.