First let me say that I am fully aware that I have to deal with my parents (mostly mom) in this issue. I am just curious what others out there might do in my situation, or what others in my situation have done.
I've posted about my mean mother before. Right now she is in a good mood (rolling eyes) and our last outing went well. And I am not even taking care of them yet!! (Rolling eyes again)
I mentioned that Mom and Dad live behind me, about a quarter mile. They know when we are gone as we share a driveway. Dad is 82, Mom, 79. Both are in good health. But I know that one day one of them will fall, or something else will happen and my life will change. Btw, I am their only child.
So. My husband and I LOVE to travel. And we especially love to cruise. Well, Mom (who influences Dad) has a fit when we travel. We are so selfish. What if something happens while we are gone? (And now comes the I-have-a-wonderful-memory-and-i-will-never-forget-and-forgive)) "Betty Jean went to Greece when Mother was in the nursing home. I can't believe how selfish she was. I was the responsible one. If Mother had died while she was gone, I just would have buried her and not even told her. She was so bad for going... she never thought about anyone else... blah blah blah."
And it goes on. "You are selfish. You're just like Betty Jean. You've never had responsibilities. Your father is (yelling at this point) 82, Sharon! 82!"
"Mom, is there something wrong with Dad you are not telling me about?"
"No, Sharon! He is 82!!!" I don't know how to capitalize/italicize/bold 82, but at this point, I can just see her veins popping. "He is 82!"
Again, there are no heart problems, cancer issues, strokes, debilitating arthritis, nothing going on where they are disabled. Dad still drives locally, still does his yard work (to get out of the house), still gets around fairly well.
Mom takes no medications for anything, has no issues at all. Basically like Dad, except for her depressing, horrible, narcissistic, hateful personality.
I KNOW we don't need their permission to travel or do whatever we want. But it sure would be nice to hear, "Hey that sounds fun! Have a good time. What? You want us to call BJ (granddaughter) if something happens? Sure, we can do that!"
Not happening. Because when we cruise, we cannot be in communication on sea days. And, buddy, if something happens to Dad, "he will be buried when I get home".
So with all of this crap hanging over my head, I'd love to plan another cruise. Hubby and I found one last night that would be awesome! 12 whole frickin' days!
Side note: I've discussed this with Dad, who is more receptive. And I've explained to him that if anything were to happen to either of them before any trip, obviously, we wouldn't even consider going. But are we just supposed to sit home and wait for something to happen??
What Would You Do?
Your mother is more dependent on you and fearful of something happening than you realize.
My mom pulled this crap with me when it was time to go to camp, college, or out with friends. So I married a guy 1800 miles away, selfishly had two children, a career, and even went to Germany in the past 19 years.
She kept threatening to do "something" at every turn. She has every condition in the medical manual, especially hypochondria.
The answer to what if something happens while you are away is that you can check her into a nursing home for the duration, but she will have to pay for it.
The answer to what if I die is that you'll throw one heck of a wake and funeral. What kind of keg do you want us to get mom? You can't take these things she says seriously because it's just to control you. Only you can live your life.