Hi all. Well it has now been 5 months since my dear MIL left us. 5 months and there are still moments where I am in disbelief that she is gone. Like how can this be? In that moment it just doesn’t seem real. She can’t be gone. And then there are days like today where I want to scream and cry! Is this all part a normal part of grief? I honestly don’t know how I will make it through the holidays feeling like this!
They say the “firsts” are the worst and boy do I believe it! Tomorrow is 11/1, it’s now time to prepare for Thanksgiving. Christmas stuff is already starting to appear everywhere. After thanksgiving it’s full speed ahead to Christmas. How Can I be strong for my husband and children when all I want to do is scream and cry? With my own mother living out of state & who I only see a couple times a year, my MIL was like a 2nd mother to me. Even when we didn’t see eye to eye, I knew she had my back. She was always going to be here for me. She was supposed to be here for her grandchildren, see them move on from elementary to middle school, then graduate high school and college. And now she’s not and she should be! How do I let go of this anger? How do I get over the disbelief and come to terms with this? I keep trying to think not of the fact that she left us, but of everything she gave us and it just doesn’t help because I keep going back to what we lost! We lost the backbone of the family. The person who kept us all together.
No matter what, even if we didn’t see eye to eye, she would have done anything for anyone of us. She loved us unconditionally. She gave us the family home, her front door was always open, it was our safe place. We were always welcome in that house. She raised 3 amazing children with strong family values and good work ethics. The same love & devotion she gave her children she also gave to her grandchildren. And now she is gone and the family home is gone. And the holidays are upon us. A Time always so special and I really don’t know how to get through them when one minute I am in disbelief and the next I want to scream! I have young children that don’t really understand but I know that this Christmas is when it will hit them because it won’t be the same, their grandma who was always here and was such a huge presence, will not be here. My BIL and SIL are the emotional ones, this is going to be even harder for them. how do I pull it together so that I can be strong for them and help them get through this?