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I have posted my vent about a couple months ago.


My sister and mom used to live together, they traveled together and would three way call me while arguing (those calls drained the heck out of me) My sister has a disabled child and living with mom wasn’t working out so instead of talking about it she kicked mom out and sold her house, moved with no forwarding address and has no contact with us.


Mom lives with me, hubby and two teens now. I hate my life! I wish I can disappear. We share a bedroom wall and I hate that husband and I have to be always paranoid. My mom was a crappy abusive parent. I feel like all those dreadful feelings of coming home to her have come back. I hate coming home knowing I have to face her. also feel horrible that I have so much resentment but she’s bossy and can say mean things. I take her to the stores and doc appointments (lately I haven’t as much she Uber’s or walks) she also loves cocktails and hides in the room day and night. She just turned 69 and doc says she may have a bit of a tremor from Parkinson’s ( this makes me feel bad even talking this way about her) But I’m losing it. I have contacted my jobs EAP to begin therapy but when I called to make an appointment I was on hold for 15 minutes so I gave up.


It kinda feels good writing all this down


I know this post is jumbled with run on sentences but I feel this way.

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Move her out - there is senior housing out there that is pegged to her income. Get her out of your house.
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againx100 Jun 5, 2019
Yes, a sliding scale apartment might be just the ticket. My MIL lives in one and she pays very little because all she really has is her small social security check. She can pay for her apt and food and her meds, etc. As long as she is safe to be on her own, could be the best plan for everyone.

It's sad that you're so burned out and dread going to your own home. Sounds like she's a handful and if you don't want her to live with you anymore, then you are going to have to make some tough decisions. And implement them, even tougher.
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Yeah really, I agree with Kimber. She's only 69 with no limitations beyond a slight tremor which may or may not be early Parkinson's? She's already burned through your sister, explain to me why she needs to live with her children?
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Senior housing
Low income housing if she is eligible.
Assisted living or Independent living if she can care for herself.
contact Senior Services in your area and see what help is available.
Lots of options.
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There are some wonderful senior apartments that she would probably enjoy.

You aren’t happy -and neither is she— or she wouldn’t spend her time drinking alone.
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Stuck4ever Jun 5, 2019
You’re so right 😢😢 All I want is happiness for all of us.
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Stuck, I think it's past the time you should be feeling any sense of loyalty towards your mom. Stress kills! I used to live with a schizophrenic brother and would get bullied at school. So I'd come home from a bad situation and enter into another one. Everyone needs a soft place to land at the end of the day. If you don't have that then everything turns inward and it's not healthy. Someone suggested meds. In the past I may have agreed but I'm weaning off of an SSRI right now and its hard. So my suggestion would be to get some cognitive therapy instead. If you can find a group where you could talk and learn some better coping skills. Coming here was a good place to start. Keep posting.

Then, call resource centers in your area and try to find a place for your mom to live.

You've got to do something. Even a small action towards making that change will help.
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Stuck4ever Jun 6, 2019
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have a doctors appointment in a couple of weeks I thought about asking her to put me on something. I don’t think I can make it.

I wasn’t ready to share my home and be a caregiver. I told her that she may outlive me. She called me names of course in my house. What kills me is she paid sister 400 dollars a month for decades but here she says she doesn’t have money because shes paying 88. Dollars to storage and I’m married so I have his income as well. Am I wrong for asking for help?
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She isn’t helpless or unable to live on her own, Parkinson’s or no. Find a place and set a date for her to move out.
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Stuck4ever Jun 5, 2019
She isn’t and I wish she was more social
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(((((((((hugs))))))) Alternate housing - at least put her on a list.
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Stuck4ever Jun 5, 2019
TY.. once I snap out of this funk I will tackle it
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Bettina,

You know exactly what I’m saying. PTSD yes! This anger , resentment seriously caught me off guard. I thought now I’m grown in my 40’s I should have forgotten all of this. But there are days I feel like that child that wants to run away. I feel very guilty for even posting here and feeling this way. I have also been eating emotionally.
i have one sister and she is gone no contact. Those people are my cousins ( who text me telling me my mom is stressing out their mom ....my aunt)
my cousins and I used to be close... Now I’m the black sheep like my sister that left us.
luckily for now, my husband is very understanding. But who knows what my future holds maybe I will end up alone like her.
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This is your children you are sacrificing and your marriage.
Does she pay rent? Contribute to the household in anyway? Cook a meal? Do the cleaning? Help with homework?
Alcohol and tremors and isolation. You aren’t helping her. If she is on traditional Medicare it will pay for therapy.
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Stuck4ever Jun 5, 2019
my husband is understanding at this time and tells me she my mom. But you never know what can happen in the future.
My kids love grandma but never see her she’s in the room. In the beginning she gave me a couple hundred dollars but nothing anymore. She sometimes washes our dishes but that’s it.
I am not helping her I know. She gets really mad when I bring up the drinking because I can smell it on her breath. She doesn’t want to see any therapists.
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Bless you for caring so much... but get some counseling for yourself and maybe even meds for depression!  The fact that the EAP people put you on hold for 15 minutes does NOT mean that you don't deserve or need it.  It probably means that someone on the other end had a brain fog and forgot about the call while doing something else.  Depression is like that; it can convince you that you are not even worthy of feeling better. Not all caregiving situations work out, and MOST that involve an abusive or formerly abusive caregivee probably don't.

You do not have to feel sorry for someone to the point that you sacrifice yourself just because they have an illness, especially if they are unwilling to try to do what they can for it. (BTW, excess alcohol is NOT the recommended treatment for Parkinson's, and the recommended treatment for alcohol abuse includes counseling and/or Alanon for family and that and/or AA for the individual.  That too, is a really, really common problem for elderly folks these days!
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Stuck4ever Jun 6, 2019
thank You for your response ❤️ I definitely will look into therapy for myself. I want to be happy the rest of my life.
My mother is a really stubborn woman. When I’m her age I pray I am more active a lot more happier than her.
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