So exasperated and tired from worrying about dad's lack of planning. How do I prepare myself for the inevitable financial mess?

You have to set up a plan like I did over 24 months it takes a while usually by the time you become involved they have accrued a huge mess.

Wills do not have to be big complicated scary pieces of paper. Dang, Aretha Franklin left hers in her couch on scrap paper and they are considered legal and binding...Try this: Type out a form saying it is his will, say what he wants and ask him to sign it. I know he didn't do it with the beneficiary, but maybe he will with this. Do you have his DPOA? If so you try to do it, you are not trying to take his money, you are just trying to help him. Try explaining again that your sister will be in a lot of financial trouble if he doesn't do this. Another thing, if he will not sign, ask him if he will let you video tape him with your phone saying what he wants done with his money. At least it is better than nothing. The bright side is it sounds as if it is just you and your sister so worst case, if he does nothing, is eventually it would get split 50/50 and you could always give your half to your sister if you wanted to do so.

Well. There is a mental block. You can spend many an entertaining hour trying to figure out what it is, but meanwhile you just have to accept that there is one and it's making him baulk.

But he is content to be your sister's financial mainstay, yes? I expect he and you are both sorry that your sister needs this help, as in sorry that she's not in better shape and able to do without it; but he doesn't resent subbing her and you've no objection either?

So maybe that's the thread to pull on - telling him that you're worried that if he doesn't make specific provision for his daughter, that daughter is going to be in hot water for between six months and two years because nobody will be able to advance her any cash; and even if he can't face the rest of it could he please deal with that?

Didn't read all the posts so sorry if I am repeating.

Tell Dad if he doesn't set up a Will and change his beneficiaries, the state will get involved with who inherits and the state may take their share. I may not be completely right but it may work.

With u on the accounts you get the money when he passes. He really needs to get Mom off his insurances. It may take a court to determine who is next of kin for insurance. It did with my nephew when my sister never picked a beneficiary. A Will will make his estate go more smoothly. Otherwise, the state gets involved.

Calgirl, some people are just really good at finances even up into their later years, but they had been that way all of their adult life. Others, just wing it, and hope for the best.

Elders can be stubborn, too. They want to cling on every bit of independence they can, thus will refuse others to help.

As for your Dad's finances, chances are most of what he had saved will go for around the clock care. And that can empty out a savings account rather quickly.

Your Dad probably doesn't realize that his estate may go into Probate Court if he has no Will, and depending on the net worth of his estate. The Probate Judge will decide who gets what. If there is you and one sister, then the Judge could split the estate in half.

If later down the road your Dad needs a village to help take care of him [nursing home and Medicaid help], the money he has been giving to your sister will complicate matters. I realize we never think about this or even know about this when giving money to grown children.

Another thing that happens, and my parents did that to me, our elder parents forget that we are grown adults, maybe even seniors ourselves, and what do we know as the parent still view us a kid :P

Thank, countrymouse - Yes, my mother is named on an insurance policy or two, and a substantial bank account. While he was in a rehab facility last year and we cleaned his apartment and cared for his cat, we also took stock of his files. All paper files, nothing electronic. Some statements were scattered about the house with random mail piles, so we gathered them to get them into the matching folders. We were told to back off of his files, so they are still in a heap in his living room. He even griped at me one day about the pile we left!!! And we had left it right there because he told us to!
Yes, I'm in California. I attempted to go back and edit my post to say this, but I guess I didn't "save" properly or something!
I expect nothing problematic from my sister. She's happy to have left me in charge, as she is in delicate physical and emotional health and really cannot handle decision making or anything. It's just that she needs some cash for survival, so I don't want her to have to wait 2 years or however long probate takes.
I don't know what he's afraid of!! He's been a terrible procrastinator as long as I can remember. I forced myself to gently bring up the issue of wills and beneficiaries, and he seemed to welcome that discussion, but now NOTHING.
And now a new thing: He welcomed our offer to "help him" clean out storage units at his apartment building, but now that we are hauling things out to show him what there is, guess what..... NO. No. No. So I guess we're putting most of it back.
Thanks so much for answering!

This is a question I ask myself every day. (Thank you for the answers.)
In my case it's my husband, who procrastinates, or avoids any attention to his estate. We have 2 wills, as the finance manager for my MIL's estate objected to my lawyer DIL having drawn up the first wills. We once had a fortune, which is gone. We live hand to mouth now. But my husband handles all the money. I get to buy the food, and spend anything on the dog, but other than that, I am to "Be careful", implying we are at zero balance. Last year we ended up with a credit counseling agency when I learned we had 2 liens on our house, and we were overdrawn at the bank, with nothing coming in for 2 weeks. Cars were needing gas. Multiply bills due. Etc.
He promised then he would be mindful of his spending, and always inform me, keeping me up to date on our financial state. He took a job and works at least 2 days, more often 3, every week. This helps some. But he refuses to update the wills, tell me where the life insurance information is, how much income tax we owe, etc. He has some signs of early dementia, so I am very concerned.
How will I fare if he does die before I do? Will the second will over ride the first? In the second will, a big sum is left to his only child, who he only learned of when he was 50 yrs old, and the son 30. They have a very tenuous relationship, and presently, there is nothing to leave the son, except the house we are living in.
My husband will not answer or respond to my asking him what he would like me to do with the material he has accumulated for a book he's writing, (but has stopped now for almost a year).
Help. !! Thank you, everyone on this website/blog.

I share your frustration, unfortunately I don't have any advice.
My father is the same, but he does not trust me at all and refuses to allow me to assist him with any financial tasks - I'm not even allowed to go in the bank with him when I drive him there.
His recently 'preparation' has been to remove me off my mother's bank account and to show her how to write a cheque. An 85 year old woman with dementia who has never written a cheque in her life.
The only wee thing that helped is that he mostly trusts my daughter and he sort of allows her to help him with financial things and she is now at least added onto their joint account (but he threatens to take her off sometimes too).
Is there a friend or family member you could recruit to encourage/help your father tackle the task of getting his finances in order?

If your father has no will, in what sense is your mother still named as a beneficiary on some things? Insurance policies, bank accounts, what? Do you actually have a reasonably comprehensive list of your father's assets?

If you have, perhaps there's something to be said for just letting it happen. Are you in California or am I reading too much into your screen name?! There are many websites explaining intestacy procedure, and at least one benefit of that is you just go with the flow. Are you expecting your sister to cut up rough?

It must really niggle at you though - what's he so afraid of? What is it that puts him off getting it done? Is he scared of tempting Fate or something?