She had mom sign it.She also told my mom that since she felt I would spend all my half that she would be in charge of doing out a little at a time if she felt I needed it.
Sounds like that will would be very vulnerable to "undue influence" claims when it comes time to execute it.
Does your mother have impairments? How old is she? Who is her POA for financial and medical issues?
Does she have a lot of assets to distribute? In many cases it just isn't worth worrying about who inherits how much, because all funds will be gone by the end. Is Mom in a care situation now?
You're facing a Goliath of a problem. Dealing with siblings, inheritance, signatures, mom..........huge burden. Yes, seek legal advice ASAP. My best regards and wishes to you! M88
My SIL (sister in law) has also "bullied" MIL into giving her POA over EVERYTHING... house banking will health care although when she is needed to provide help to myself and my husband she's "too busy, has a life, she won't come to my house" She also, and we are checking into it, had a relative notarize everything to be given to HER although she has other brothers and sisters. I found with some searching that legal aid will provide help to those in need and those that can do so on their own should make sure it's up front and legal so down the road you are educated on what the laws are and where you stand !
I just posted on your comment we too are going thru that problem. First of all its HER money not her children's and it's not up to ANYONE to tell her who to spend it or split it up. she can not make decisions on how you spend it where you spend it blah blah blah lol my SIL pulls the same nonsense and I guarantee my hubby will seek legal council to ensure it's all tied up and NO ONE will get a dime other than the lawyer lol
Money and families--ugh, often a mess. Do talk to an attorney, there may be some real issues of bending the law here.
My son is an attorney (not in our state) and he called me a couple of weeks ago, freaking out that dad and I don't have a will. (We've had one for 15 years, thanks, son). He wants us to do things a certain way--and we have what we feel comfortable with. I told him exactly how the will is written and that he will receive his 1/5 of the estate. Also pointed out to him that he hasn't lived within 1000 miles of us in 13 years and that he is not involved in our day to day, and had no say in what we want. His 4 sisters have never said a word about the will. He is a great guy, but he'd drive his sisters insane. Right now everything is aboveboard and fine. He'd come into the picture and the sisters would never speak to him again.
In REALITY wills aren't ways to manipulate people and get "behaviors" from them you want. I have never seen an estate settled where everyone feels good about the end result. Somebody has done far more than somebody else, yet the "no-see-ums" seem to happily take their share and go back to wherever and never think about it again.
But, in your case, an hour of an estate planning attorney's time would be money well spent.
You might want to check out the legal requirements for a holographic will where you live. We had a similar type of will presented to the lawyer after a relative died, someone else had written the bequests and there was a signature at the bottom. Aside from the doubts we all had that the signature was genuine, that it was not in the relative's own handwriting and the fact there were no witnesses meant it was not worth the paper it was written on.
Shelly, did your sister actually write the Will herself or had an Attorney prepare the Will? If you sister wrote it herself, and she is not an Attorney, she needs to realize one misplaced word or one left out word can change the whole Will, and the Will needs to be written according to her Mom's State laws.
Was this Will witnessed? Did the Will have the required number of witnesses as required by State law? And who were these witnesses? The witnesses cannot be anyone who is named in the Will.
Did your Mom have a previous Will? If so, and you have a copy, hang onto it if later down the road the probate Court finds out the current Will is not acceptable.
I'm curious if since FIL made the money for the family and my husband is the only living child between MIL & FIL the rest were from other marriages does hubby (mine) stand a better chance at any if not all inheritance? FIL had 4 kids from 1st marriage MIL had 1.. the one who ironically assumes she is entitled to everything and the rest can just well.. hang to put it politely
Shelly, is your mother incapacitated? Unable to speak, unable to write? Your profile doesn't provide any background information to address the issue of whether or not your mother needed assistance of any kind with her will.
CWillie raises a good point about holographic wills, which are generally handwritten wills created by the testator or testatrix (person executing the will) and are valid under conditions specified by state law.
However, for a beneficiary to draft a will in which he or she benefits as an heir - that's seriously improper, and might even be illegal, beyond the issue of undue influence.
I also would ask how you found out about this, whether or not your mother has any cognitive problems, been diagnosed with dementia, and what the roles of you and your sister are in caring for your mother.
What would likely happen if this will isn't replaced by a properly drafted one, by an attorney, NOT by an heir, is that there would be a will contest (challenge) after death and the issue would be tied up in court with the heirs battling each other.
Thank you all for your answers. I have told my mom that make sure she has enough to live comfortably even if it takes it all . My sister has been telling her I don't love her and all I want is her money I don't think we should be fighting about such things my moms still alive for gods sake Sis did the same to my dad . My mom has changed the will but she is still Exe of it unfortunately . She has gotten in a fight with mom because my mom was taking it to a lawyer . This was the only time in years my sister called me to tell me to talk mom out of it I did not obey
Shelly, it would be helpful if you could go back to the first page of your post and read what we have written, and answer those questions for us, thus to give us a better understand on who actually wrote the Will, etc. :)
Doesn't the signing of a will have to be witnessed by two people, neither of which are the beneficiaries? I'd try to get a copy and take it to my lawyer for advice to find out if it is legal.
First off it's always so hard to explain all of it. None of these things happen overnight but usually involve years of resentments . No first will sis wrote for "mom" she says she copied from my dads . Which I'm sure was not true . Somwhere I'm not sure when because most of the time they kept me in the dark . Mom took it to lawyer and it was legal . I'm sure my sis got a copy . I know there is only so much that can be done .i mean money will not replace your mother . I have a lot of resentment to my sis for things she did when my father passed . I know now that she hates me she would do far worse . She's wanted my mom to keep my kids out if I die . She's selfish sneaky and bitter
Shelly, these situations can be hard to explain, yes. If I follow you...
Your father made a will. Your sister was your father's executor, appointed by him. Your father sadly passed away, and your sister correctly dealt with his estate. Your sister later drafted a will for your mother on broadly the same terms that had previously been in your father's will. This draft was then completed, signed by your mother and notarised by a lawyer. All of these details you know because your sister has discussed them with you.
Shelly, you're being too vague. Is that on purpose?
Is your sister taking care of your mother? Sounds like that might be the case.
I'm a big believer in the adult child who does the caregiving should get more, they give up their life and many times their livelihood. So they lose SS benefits, maybe a pension, and earning money.
It's hard to say in this situation since so little information was provided. We don't even know if any caregiving is going on.
I believe that the person doing the caregiving - especially in their own home.........is due substantial money for caregiving. That person has given up years of their life. Other family members did not. A nursing home would've taken all the money and more.
Does your sister understand that if we are talking about a large amount of money there could be tax ramifications with her gifting you money? As others have noted, there may not be any money to speak of if your mother has to go into assisted living or memory care. I am with everyone else, have you seen these documents? How do you know?
Actually Great question!!! I have not seen the will I am only going by what my mother told me and how my sister acts. I apparently don't need to see this will according to my mom . Either she feels my sister will carry out her orders whatever they may be or my sister is so vindictive she would leave me doing everything. Thing is as told to me by both my sister got all in a huff because my mom took her will to a lawyer so as to keep it out of probate. My feeling is I don't nor probably will never know the truth . My mom is still keeping sister as exec. As she has told me
My sister got mad because she thinks my moms lawyer is going to screw her out of her own money , when I try telling my sister once a person dies they can not be screwed out of anything.
Because both of them think I'm ever so so stupid I have to reword my words to get them to accidental tell the truth . My sister actually asked my mom if I die first thrn could all my money go to her kids and not mine. This is the kind of thing o have been living with for years. I'm done playing the games because it's just not fun anymore. But my heart has a hard time excepting what a monster my own sister has turned into . And for my own mother to let her talk me down
Absolutely Marialake, and the do nothing sibling should be classy and decent enough to realize this. Caregiving is the toughest job on the planet. Regardless of how much we love for the people we care for we don't get those years back.
And you're right a NH would have taken it all. Something the do nothing sibling or siblings should keep in mind. 25% is better than 0%.
Many times the stress of caregiving takes it toll on the caregiver physically, mentally, and emotionally.
We don't know who is doing the caregiving. We don't know if mother is even in need of care. Shelly has chosen to be vague about the situation, so I don't know how we can advise her.
I recently had a living trust drawn up and though I am quite confused still, from what I understand is that simply writing a will, even with a lawyer can create a legal mess with probate etc. I have four kids and though It probably won't be an issue when Im gone as far as what will be left for them to divide as I'm not rolling in bucks by any means but I do have a house and possibly some funds. Anyway, I just changed my trust the other day because though all four of my kids are great people, my youngest got for involved with an older, useless junky heroin addict when she was an immature 21 yrs old. It's my opinion that there are two types of addicts, good people who get caught up in addiction and useless thieves who would be wasters without the addiction. She is practically a pathological caregiver and can't bring herself to leave him since now he is sick. But last year I set things up so that her older siblings would manage her portion of any money when I'm gone. (One works with homeless and addictions). I do trust them and they really care about her to do right by her.
But then I got to thinking that the last thing I wanted to do was create a permanent riff between them, and just try to stay hopeful that she will mature by the time I am gone, and if not - well, so be it.
I hadn't told her about the any of this, but I just found out she, of her own accord, is now in a methadone program for two years so I still hold hope that besides weaning off drugs she will get counseling to address what got her into this mess in the first place. The last thing I want is to be the cause of potential animosity between them all as my final fair well.
Regarding wills and siblings, I was very lucky. My brother, sister and I went with my dad to an attorney before he became too disabled from Alzheimer and got the will written. My brother & sister asked that I be named power of attorney, because they believed that I would spend the most time looking after him.Every month I sent them a spreadsheet of expenses & balances so they knew exactly what was going on. When dad died, I took all that was remaining and divided it equally 3 ways. We were more interested in using Dad's money to care for him rather than being concerned about what was left for us. We were very grateful that he planned so well for the future. Even after he died, we each received a tidy sum, but if he had needed it all, it would have been fine with us. We are probably one of the few families who had no issues over money or anything else.
Sunflower, doesn't sound like you or your siblings cared for your father.
Sounds like he was placed somewhere. You would feel differently if you quit your job, did all the caregiving for your dad, and your siblings did nothing or barely helped even when you asked. Doing a spreadsheet isn't doing "hands on" caregiving.
Get back to us when one sibling puts their life on hold, which can include moving quite a distance, giving up their job to care for a parent.
Decent siblings should recognize that the adult child who did all that should get a larger percentage, not only because they did the caregiving, but they lost income and their SS will be less by not working.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way, the do nothing sibling manages to show up(now they have time now that the parent is gone and the work is over) and think the deserve just as much as their sibling who took care of the parent.
The OP is very vague, and never came back, but I suspect it's a case of her sister is carrying the full load.
Sorry, the adult child who carried that full load should get more. In most cases they're going to need it to live on especially if the caregiving removed them from the work force for several years. If you're 58 and spend the last say 7 years as a caregiver, you would be hard pressed to find something in this still shaky economy.
There's nothing like the experience of providing transportation for repeated doctor visits, but the real experience is dealing with emergencies I winter that develop during the day and need to be addressed in an ER STAT.
Then the caregiver in a northern state has the pleasure of driving to the ER, waiting hours for tests and evaluation, and either( a) bringing home the parent in single digit or sub-zero wind chills, or (b) leaving an hour or two later after admission to the hospital, driving home in the early hours of the morning and hoping that the car doesn't break down for any reason.
The treat is amplified on arriving home, unloaded the car of the parent's clothes, personal items, oxygen equipment and more, all the while either being snowed upon or beaten up by a strong prevailing wind.
It's an experience that every one of the siblings in a family should have.
I hear ya Garden Artist. My charming brother who came down to "help" he said for a week when being told dad had back to back doctor's appts(within the same facility) said "well I didn't come here to go to Dr. appts"...so much for help.
My dad had a "chat" with him and he went, I let him push the wheelchair, dad was on oxygen(sounds like you know that drill) so that required carrying an extra temporary tank. Do nothing got to see a very brief reality of our world.
I have to say I enjoyed it.....LOL. He saw what my total existence was, never once said "thanks for taking care of mom and dad".
I'm always suspect when I see someone on the complaining end of the parent's will, there is usually a good reason for this.
Does your mother have impairments? How old is she? Who is her POA for financial and medical issues?
Does she have a lot of assets to distribute? In many cases it just isn't worth worrying about who inherits how much, because all funds will be gone by the end. Is Mom in a care situation now?
My best regards and wishes to you!
M88
Do talk to an attorney, there may be some real issues of bending the law here.
My son is an attorney (not in our state) and he called me a couple of weeks ago, freaking out that dad and I don't have a will. (We've had one for 15 years, thanks, son). He wants us to do things a certain way--and we have what we feel comfortable with. I told him exactly how the will is written and that he will receive his 1/5 of the estate. Also pointed out to him that he hasn't lived within 1000 miles of us in 13 years and that he is not involved in our day to day, and had no say in what we want. His 4 sisters have never said a word about the will. He is a great guy, but he'd drive his sisters insane. Right now everything is aboveboard and fine. He'd come into the picture and the sisters would never speak to him again.
In REALITY wills aren't ways to manipulate people and get "behaviors" from them you want. I have never seen an estate settled where everyone feels good about the end result. Somebody has done far more than somebody else, yet the "no-see-ums" seem to happily take their share and go back to wherever and never think about it again.
But, in your case, an hour of an estate planning attorney's time would be money well spent.
Was this Will witnessed? Did the Will have the required number of witnesses as required by State law? And who were these witnesses? The witnesses cannot be anyone who is named in the Will.
Did your Mom have a previous Will? If so, and you have a copy, hang onto it if later down the road the probate Court finds out the current Will is not acceptable.
CWillie raises a good point about holographic wills, which are generally handwritten wills created by the testator or testatrix (person executing the will) and are valid under conditions specified by state law.
However, for a beneficiary to draft a will in which he or she benefits as an heir - that's seriously improper, and might even be illegal, beyond the issue of undue influence.
I also would ask how you found out about this, whether or not your mother has any cognitive problems, been diagnosed with dementia, and what the roles of you and your sister are in caring for your mother.
What would likely happen if this will isn't replaced by a properly drafted one, by an attorney, NOT by an heir, is that there would be a will contest (challenge) after death and the issue would be tied up in court with the heirs battling each other.
I have told my mom that make sure she has enough to live comfortably even if it takes it all .
My sister has been telling her I don't love her and all I want is her money
I don't think we should be fighting about such things my moms still alive for gods sake
Sis did the same to my dad .
My mom has changed the will but she is still Exe of it unfortunately .
She has gotten in a fight with mom because my mom was taking it to a lawyer .
This was the only time in years my sister called me to tell me to talk mom out of it
I did not obey
None of these things happen overnight but usually involve years of resentments .
No first will sis wrote for "mom" she says she copied from my dads .
Which I'm sure was not true .
Somwhere I'm not sure when because most of the time they kept me in the dark .
Mom took it to lawyer and it was legal .
I'm sure my sis got a copy .
I know there is only so much that can be done .i mean money will not replace your mother .
I have a lot of resentment to my sis for things she did when my father passed .
I know now that she hates me she would do far worse .
She's wanted my mom to keep my kids out if I die .
She's selfish sneaky and bitter
Your father made a will.
Your sister was your father's executor, appointed by him.
Your father sadly passed away, and your sister correctly dealt with his estate.
Your sister later drafted a will for your mother on broadly the same terms that had previously been in your father's will.
This draft was then completed, signed by your mother and notarised by a lawyer.
All of these details you know because your sister has discussed them with you.
Is any of these points incorrect?
Is your sister taking care of your mother? Sounds like that might be the case.
I'm a big believer in the adult child who does the caregiving should get more, they give up their life and many times their livelihood. So they lose SS benefits, maybe a pension, and earning money.
It's hard to say in this situation since so little information was provided. We don't even know if any caregiving is going on.
Great question!!!
I have not seen the will I am only going by what my mother told me and how my sister acts.
I apparently don't need to see this will according to my mom .
Either she feels my sister will carry out her orders whatever they may be or my sister is so vindictive she would leave me doing everything.
Thing is as told to me by both my sister got all in a huff because my mom took her will to a lawyer so as to keep it out of probate.
My feeling is I don't nor probably will never know the truth .
My mom is still keeping sister as exec. As she has told me
Because both of them think I'm ever so so stupid I have to reword my words to get them to accidental tell the truth .
My sister actually asked my mom if I die first thrn could all my money go to her kids and not mine.
This is the kind of thing o have been living with for years.
I'm done playing the games because it's just not fun anymore.
But my heart has a hard time excepting what a monster my own sister has turned into .
And for my own mother to let her talk me down
And you're right a NH would have taken it all. Something the do nothing sibling or siblings should keep in mind. 25% is better than 0%.
Many times the stress of caregiving takes it toll on the caregiver physically, mentally, and emotionally.
But then I got to thinking that the last thing I wanted to do was create a permanent riff between them, and just try to stay hopeful that she will mature by the time I am gone, and if not - well, so be it.
I hadn't told her about the any of this, but I just found out she, of her own accord, is now in a methadone program for two years so I still hold hope that besides weaning off drugs she will get counseling to address what got her into this mess in the first place. The last thing I want is to be the cause of potential animosity between them all as my final fair well.
Sounds like he was placed somewhere. You would feel differently if you quit your job, did all the caregiving for your dad, and your siblings did nothing or barely helped even when you asked. Doing a spreadsheet isn't doing "hands on" caregiving.
Get back to us when one sibling puts their life on hold, which can include moving quite a distance, giving up their job to care for a parent.
Decent siblings should recognize that the adult child who did all that should get a larger percentage, not only because they did the caregiving, but they lost income and their SS will be less by not working.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way, the do nothing sibling manages to show up(now they have time now that the parent is gone and the work is over) and think the deserve just as much as their sibling who took care of the parent.
The OP is very vague, and never came back, but I suspect it's a case of her sister is carrying the full load.
Sorry, the adult child who carried that full load should get more. In most cases they're going to need it to live on especially if the caregiving removed them from the work force for several years. If you're 58 and spend the last say 7 years as a caregiver, you would be hard pressed to find something in this still shaky economy.
There's nothing like the experience of providing transportation for repeated doctor visits, but the real experience is dealing with emergencies I winter that develop during the day and need to be addressed in an ER STAT.
Then the caregiver in a northern state has the pleasure of driving to the ER, waiting hours for tests and evaluation, and either( a) bringing home the parent in single digit or sub-zero wind chills, or (b) leaving an hour or two later after admission to the hospital, driving home in the early hours of the morning and hoping that the car doesn't break down for any reason.
The treat is amplified on arriving home, unloaded the car of the parent's clothes, personal items, oxygen equipment and more, all the while either being snowed upon or beaten up by a strong prevailing wind.
It's an experience that every one of the siblings in a family should have.
My dad had a "chat" with him and he went, I let him push the wheelchair, dad was on oxygen(sounds like you know that drill) so that required carrying an extra temporary tank. Do nothing got to see a very brief reality of our world.
I have to say I enjoyed it.....LOL. He saw what my total existence was, never once said "thanks for taking care of mom and dad".
I'm always suspect when I see someone on the complaining end of the parent's will, there is usually a good reason for this.