Our sister is telling our mother (93) to quit taking her one and only prescription for seizures. What do we do?

Is your sister a medical professional? Unless she is, she should not be deciding what meds mom takes.

Just when you think you have heard it all....!
This sister needs a slap of reality. You do need outside help, for one thing, I am sure all the other sis have talked to her and it rolls off her back like water off a duck.
Get legal. FAST. Call the dr., explain to him/her the situation. Don't wait sweetly for an appointment. Make sure that dr tells sis to her face that stopping any medication can cause irreparable damage. Get your legal representative to step up to sis too. (And let sis know that ALL of the costs incurred by getting her to STOP influencing mom are coming out of the "kitty" so to speak and she is shooting herself in the foot.")
Oh, the bloodsucking relatives. There seems to be at least one in every family.

This is what I would do if I were you:
1.) Get your 2 other siblings together in a meeting with your problem sister, and tell her that if she doesn't quit stealing money from your mother (because that's what she is doing), you are going to file a police report against her & take her to court. Tell her that if she continues trying to have your mother "sign off" on the debt, you will file a lawsuit against her & all the "payback" money she thinks that she is saving will be used for legal fees---that money, and much more. Let her know that you can show that she has stolen the money & used it to buy herself a fancy car, cell phones for her grandchildren, etc. When polite & unpolite methods have failed, it is time to move on to legal methods. Your sister probably knows that you & your 3 siblings can't really do anything---but when legal authorities step in, she isn't going to be able to fight that by herself.
2.) Tell your mother that she simply CAN NOT stop taking her seizure medication & not to listen to your problem sister under any circumstances.
3.) Tell your problem sister that is she doesn't stop doing what she is doing, particularly in telling your mother not to take the seizure medication, you will get a restraining order against her & prevent her from seeing your mother because she is putting your mother's life in danger. She is clearly putting your mother in danger by not re-paying what she owes & having your mother live under the threat of losing her home.
Blocking her contact with your mother is the only way you can stop this behavior. When you pursue other avenues to stop her from doing the things she is doing, perhaps she'll get the picture.

Depending where you live a debt to a parent can be taken as early inheritance so her final part would be not 1/3 of estate [assuming mom has 3 children] but 1/3 minus the debt & that would include $$ mom paid on mortgage when sis defaulted - you may need to go to court after mom passes or mom could write a codicil to will stating the debt is included in sis' share - check about this with a lawyer & talk to mom

However just a whisper in sis' ear that this is your plan plus you will be bringing up at court about her interference in mom's medicine against dr's advice could result in her getting $0.00 - document all your concerns now [write a letter & have it time stamped & held by lawyer] & if possible record her telling mom not to take meds - she may back off so fast you get whiplash - good luck

Ok, first thing first-- SEE AN ELDER CARE ATTORNEY PRONTO!! An estate attorney if not the former. Explain the situation and have the attorney meet with mom. GET THE POA's done and have HER assign who becomes guardian, executor etc. (You said she is of sound mind and other than the epilepsy sound body). You may want to get something in writing for your dear sister with the greedy bone that states whatever debt is owed, have the document list the items that have been purchased (car and other items) with their purchase amount, and how much is still owed currently. Have a contract to repay drawn up and have dear sister sign in the presence of the attorney, if she fails to pay the debt the items are repossessed and sold. A court will support with a notarized contract. Matter of fact that document could be used to settle the estate and claim unpaid amounts against her share in probate. My question is HOW did your sister take a loan against mom's house without MOM's signature? Was mom coerced to sign? That could be a legal issue in itself. You may want to find out if Mom took a reverse mortgage on the home, sis may have been behind such an action without mom fully understanding the consequences of it. Back to-- get that attorney and drag mom to see them. I had an attorney come to my parent's house to accomplish POA's and ensure paperwork was up to date, well worth the $500 to get it all done in the comfort of their home.

Going off medication for seizures without a doctor's approval or supervision can be lethal for her and for others, especially if she has a valid driver's license. If she has a absence seizure while driving, she could get into an accident. If you live in a suburban area and she's seizing while driving, she could run over a child and not know it. Seizures can interfere with daily activities and make the simplest things dangerous. The ketogenic diet is not recommended for adults and people who are on the diet still have to take seizure medication and loads of supplements because the diet is very limited on what can be eaten. Talk to your mother's neurologist first before anything is done with her medication. I have eplilepsy and taking medication everyday helps me lead a better life and I'm not so worried that I will have a seziure.

My sisters who don't call or visit did not agree that our mother should have had the colostomy or needed pacemaker and feeding tube that allowed her to be alive today. I live with Mom and am POA. Mom gave me her falling apart house that we live in & I have been making repairs and cleanup. It is a modest rowhouse. Mom & I now both on SS only. As soon as I put mom in hospice they went nuts over where is Mom's money etc. Mom had no money. This past several months, before she became an in home hospice patient, I have spent a few thousand on equipment rentals and medical supplies out of my pocket. I continue to do this. Sisters have not done a damn thing. No call or visits no thanks of any kind. Thank God I own the house or they would be here to torture me. I suggest you get an Elder Attorney ASAP! Your sister is a danger to your mother. I would get a restraining order & only allow supervised visits. You may need to get guardianship of Mom! I would not trust her intentions. My sisters would have let Mom die or put her in a home for sure. She is safe and comfy here with me 24/7 with the very best care. Time to make these decisions and set boundaries with sister.

I would not take any action regarding her medication or diet without a doctor's approval. If the doctor prescribed it, I would support that, unless she has adverse reaction and in that case go to ER.

Consulting with the Elder Law attorney is good idea. I'd seek one that is experienced, so they can give you the most practical and creative remedy options. Ref. Guardianship. The attorneys should know what evidence you need to get that. It varies by jurisdiction, but, ask about showing that mother is being exploited financially. Sometimes if a senior is vulnerable to financial exploitation, the court will step in.

I'd also ask the attorney about the sister who has exploited her mom for gain. In some states, that could be illegal or at least a tort. APS may be useful. I'd discuss this with the attorney for advice.

Of course your doctor will support you. These tablets are prescribed by the doctor or consultant for a reason, and it is dangerous to stop medication without consulting your doctor first. My advice to your sister is to tell her that she should not advise your mother to stop taking medication, without first consulting a doctor, and if she feels strongly about this, to arrange a time when both you, your sister and mother can see the doctor together about this x

It depends on whether or not she shaRPLY over medical. Then it would depend on what stage of care your loved one is at.
First, seizures can be detrimental to our health. Our brains for one. If the person is still walking? Then there is a falling issue.
I would call the doctor, they may be able to give you advice.
You may need to get a elder care attorney for advice.
At the very least you and you siblings need to talk to your sibling.

Your sister doesn't want Mother to follow doctor's orders, hoping that she will die earlier??!! Is that really the situation here? OMG.

Going to court may seem like a good idea, but unless Mom is incompetent to make her own decisions (as certified by doctors) no guardian will be appointed for her. From your description she would not qualify as incompetent.

I'd try the routes you are asking about. Talk with her doctor or the doctor's assistant and ask if he would write a letter addressed to all of you and stating that the medication he has recently changed the dosage for must be taken as directed or it will not be effective. This will be tricky because of confidentiality concerns but perhaps it can be general enough to get by that. BUT it sounds not not being effective is exactly what Sister wants, so that may not help.

Have you dealt with an Elder Law attorney? Consult one now. Perhaps she or he could write a strongly worded letter stating that interference with her medical treatment could be considered neglect or abuse. I suppose your sister has the legal free speak right to tell Mother any things she wants to, but a lawyer may be able to advise you of ways to discourage this.

If mother's health ever requires a nursing home, would she potentially need Medicaid? Somebody better explain to her that if she signs off on the debt it will be considered a gift and interfere with her Medicaid application. This is something else the attorney might be able to help with.

By the way, is your sister mentally ill in some way? She doesn't sound all there.

At 93, your mother may not be willing to make lifestyle changes. Still, I will offer this comment. A ketogenic diet has been used for decades to treat epilepsy. It is successful in many cases. It requires a very low carbohydrate, high natural fat, and moderate protein diet. (Carbohydrates are both sugars and starches.) Consider doing a google search on "epilepsy ketogenic." Your mother needs treatment, whether it's from medicine or diet. Medicine is easier, but it does not cure. There is a chance that the right diet will heal her.

Good idea and agreed! I do believe this is a court issue and needs to be dealt with soon. Thank you for your reply.

I think you should all go to court for a Guardian hearing. Let the judge sort it out. The judge will appoint a third party who has no interest in Mom's money.

Hello Cwillie,
Thank you for your response. Our 93 year old mother lives by herself in her home. She is still pretty sharp. Can walk, talk and think on her own. Unfortunately our sister approaches her with a victim poor me entitlement mentality. She whines and whimpers and plays on our Mother's heart strings. She manipulates her by telling her she works 3 (part time) jobs seven days a week and gets no sleep! We have shared facts and figures, had tough love conversations, talked with mom separately, talked with sibling separately and asked her politely and unpolitely. This sister borrowed $ against our parents home and makes payments only when it's convenient. She bought a cadillac, pays for her gr kids cell phones and saves payback AFTER she pays her own bills!! Our mother has now repaid back 75% of the 2nd mtg. Our mother said if the payments aren't made she could lose her house. Our sister told someone that she talked to a lawyer and that if she can get our mom to sign off the debt she doesn't have to make anymore payments! She also said if and when mother passes away - so will all the debt that is owed AND thus=that's why she tells her to stop taking her medicine!
Poor excuse for a daughter, right?

Unless your sister is living with mom and in charge of administering the meds, and your mom doesn't have the mental capacity to make her own decisions, she can't be held liable for stupidity. There must be more to this story, why can't you just tell mom to ignore sis and tell sis to back off?

Clarification: We do not have medical poa over our mother. We want our sister to quit going against Dr orders. She is telling our mom to stop taking her anti seizure medicine which will result in seizures. Do we have legal grounds against this sibling for elderly abuse?

If I understand your question correctly you are asking whether your sister can get help from a dr or lawyer to prevent your mother from increasing a specic med? Does this drug have side effects that your sister is trying to protect your mom from? Do one of you have medical POA? Has the dr said that your mom needs an increased dosage?I suppose your sister could get guardianship to dictate your mothers care. I understand that guardianship is expensive to obtain. Does she have other health issues ? I hope you and your siblings can all agree to work together in the best interest of your mom. Try to understand your sisters fears. Hopefully you all want the best for your mom.