I need to tell dad, who's in the beginning of dementia, that choosing my sister as POA will cause problems. Advice?

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I need to tell dad, who's in the beginning of dementia, that choosing my sister as POA will cause problems. Advice?

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my sister as the POA, that will create thousands of dollars in legal fees for me. Why? Because, my sisters are 10 plus years older than I am, they have houses paid for, I don't . the one large asset my father is splitting with us, unless he is lying big time is the house, he and my mother own. They do not live there because they cannot. They are too ill. She is far worse off than he, and not of right ming "alzheimer's" The house is about a $350,000 or more asset to me. That cash, would pay my house off, and make my life, so I am not care giving for 82 hours a week. I do this because I have to. My husband got really sick, and tonight, the reality is this. If I do not have some sort of income, I will be working 80 hours a week for a year or so. I am 54, and who can keep up that schedule?

My sisters do not invite me to anything, they are big babies, and my father has never stuck up for me. In private of course, I feel sorry for you and am proud of you, but when push comes to shove and I say dad, what do you thing of making your real estate;

I realize that regardless, I am stating that when my parents die, I am wanting to sell my 1/3 portion of a house that is out in the middle of nowhere, but why would I want to have 1/3 share. If I was in a better financial shape yes, but I know my POA sister who won't even call me, and lives less than a mile from me is pathetic and sick.

I need advice of any kind.

I know i am banking on my parents money, but I have tried to talk to my father, and he states, that is not my problem. I feel for 20 years he has been a real cop out on this.

Right now, both sisters are taking money left and right and because my parents are not dead, I cannot find out a thing legally. My dad told me once just get along,

Thanks for your help.

I LOVE MY CAREGIVING JOBS

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The cost of keeping two of them in a nursing home will add up quickly, and your sisters are correct in not selling the house. Homesteads are exempt assets, but if they are sold now, ALL the money has to pay for their care and cannot be divided or distributed in any way. The person who is POA cannot benefit financially from their position. You want to be POA and sell the house and take your 1/3, which in legal terms would be a "conflict of interest" and no judge in any court would allow that. Your father made the right choice by appointing someone who is not interested in profiting by their POA.

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Geo, No they can't even gift things away. IRS would consider it a tax free gift, BUT Medicaid would consider it hiding assets and impose a $10K penalty.

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At this point discussing your sister being Power of Attorney isn't going to solve. Anything. If he has dementia, he can't change his Will or Trust because he is considered incompetent. I'm sorry you are having financial issues, but you can't count on any monies from the house until after he is gone. He made that choice for a reason, and now it it too late to do anything. I'm the Power of Attorney for my Mom, and my brother is extremely angry about it and we ended up in Court and now don't speak. But who do you think will be at the front door with his hand out the minute she passes on asking for his portion of the trust? After reading the stories on here (and my own situation), nothing surprises me anymore.

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Thanks, pstegman. One point I want to make to those people who ask questions that are financially-based is that they should always check with an accountant for tax issues, a lawyer for legal issues, and don't forget to check with all benefit agencies for their rules, too (the example in this discussion would be Medicare/Medicaid). It is quite complicated to figure out and some of the issues vary from state-to-state.

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Caregiving is hard work and 80 hours a week is too much. But as others have said, it does sound like you need to 1. Talk to an accountant or attorney and 2. Create an income plan that has nothing to do with your parents or their house.

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First, I agree with annet: You need to make a financial plan for yourselves that does not depend on your inheritance. Many things could happen before your parents' deaths that could have a big impact on the amount you can inherit. If you do inherit a substantial sum, let that be a bonus, but figure out how to do without it. I am very sorry for your husband's disability and loss of income. Believe me, I know first hand how devastating that is.

Second, I do not understand how which one of you has POA as any impact on what you will inherit. How will having a sister with POA create legal fees for you? I hope you will explain this a little more, because it seems to be the heart of the issue and we could address it better if we understood it.

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Keydeb, your husband died two weeks ago? I am so sorry to hear that. No wonder your story is not completely coherent! I remember what I was like in that stage of my grief.

So you are a professional financial planner, and you are "moonlighting" as a 40-hours-per week caregiver because you need the money? And you were doing this for a couple of weeks before your husband died, and have continued to do it since? You must be so stressed and upset. No wonder your sisters' behavior and excluding you from their social lives, etc. is especially upsetting to you at this time.

Give yourself a break in trying to work this all out. Deal with your grief. I was advised not to make any drastic or permanent decisions for many months -- a year if possible -- after my husband died. I think that is good advice.

Please accept my condolences.

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PS Even if the house IS sold, the money can NOT go to anyone until both parents have died. You do not even become a beneficiary until they both die. The POA legally might be able to sell or rent that house, but NOT give any money away until their death, thats the law, been there myself. If the POA did, they would be responsible.That money is for the parents only and no one can change that except if the parent is of sound mind and gives someone money. The POA can not give out anything regardless of her being nice or not, its against the law.

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I think having POA does give power. I have POA over everything for my mother and I do realize I have to be careful not to abuse it. If it were a situation where I wanted to punish my slbling, do something dishonest, that kind of thing, it's my opinion that it would rather easy.

In my case, my mother really needed some help and asked me to do it. Our agreement is that, for now, she does everything she is capable of, but that I help, but some day will probably do more. For example, she can't balance her bank book without help nor write the checks for her bills and I help her, but I don't just do it for her. It occurred to me that it would save me time to do it for her, but I want to keep her independent and proud as much as I can and I don't want to appear to just be taking over. Not every POA takes this view of it and I think there really is concern where siblings hate each other that the POA probably really could find ways to abuse it.

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When a person passes away their Durable Power of Attorney is no longer valid. That being true, when your parents pass away whomever has their power of attorney will lose the authority to take any action on their behalf. Unless there is a co-owner on financial accounts the power to access your parents financial accounts, make decisions regarding their real estate, pay debts, etc. will fall to the executor of their estate. Please, before you invest too much emotion and thought into who has POA for your father, consider what it really means and what the responsibilities are that go along with it. The law may vary between states. I have lived it in Alabama but you should check locally.

I need to tell dad, who's in the beginning of dementia, that choosing my sister as POA will cause problems. Advice?

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