What can I do about my sister not taking care of our mom?

I had a similar situation. Honestly, I wished now that I had reported her for elder abuse and filed criminal charges. Mom never lived in filth like she did when my RN sister was living with her for free and not taking care of anything. She was also resistant to me hiring any help. Once, I had to take 7 big black garbage bags of clothing home to launder and found 50 (at least) pairs of poopy underwear that mom had stuffed all over the bathroom. My sister said she wouldn't go in there because it was too dirty. BS. Finally, her demands became too much (constant whining on social media, making fun of the fires mom would start and posting inappropriate pictures). I moved her into assisted living. My sister thinks I tricked her, but sis signed the papers, too. As soon as mom was out of her site she was out of her mind, too. She just stole things from the house and stopped seeing mom, except to take her to the bank to make withdrawals. First I had to move all the money, then I became mom's court appointed conservator.

Kathy1951, I agree with You completely. Far too many of Our Elders are pushed into a Nursing Home simply because They've become an inconvenience all of a sudden.
Magie66 It seems to Me that Your Sister isn't capable of Caring for Your Mother. Ask Her to leave, and take over the role of Caring for Your Mom Yourself. This can not be allowed continue. Your Mom has dry skin and sores and this is ridiculous. Can You imagine the pain Your por Mother suffers in silence. Some People have no nature.

Johnjoe: Didn't you mean to say this person's mom "NEEDS TLC?"

Margie66 You can not Care for Your Mom......Your Sister doesn't appear to be responsible enough to Care for Her por Mother. Put Your Mom into a Care Home ASAP before She dies from neglect. It's cruel to have Your Mother suffer now when She kneed's lots of TLC.

The mom would be better at an NH...too much for one person to handle.

No one can put a price on the pain and suffering that can result from sores and neglect. To protect your Mother's health, you could get help from the Aging Services Access Point (ASAP) the serves your town. They can explain procedures for elder protective services.

If you are unable to hire an attorney to represent you, the protective services unit may provide legal services that would petition for Guardianship. You could decide whether you want to serve as Guardian, or have a professional appointed by the Court. Your question is serious, and the passage of time with no corrective steps can result in detriment to your mother.

First things first you need to become her full POA I had to make the terrible choice of placing her into assisted living. I lived with her for 7wks and felt guity all the time. She has been there for 1wk and things r going slow but sure. Your sister needs to grow up and realize that your mother took care of you and now its time to pay her back

I don't know what your Mom's financial situation is, but there are new programs in every state that assist keeping seniors at home. If her husband was a Veteran there is financial assistance to get her appropriate home health. Contact Aging and Independent Services to direct you to your area's best resources. Or, contact your state dept's disability services for a social worker to do an on site evaluation of Mom's situation. Only get protective services involved as a last resort. But definitely act quickly! A dog gets treated better than you have described.

kathy1951 - maybe you missed the part where the poster also said her mom has an additional caregiver who puts her in her wheelchair and feeds her - in addition to the changing of soiled undergarments. That suggest needs beyond a functional adult dealing with incontinence.

Find someone else, plain and simple! You might not want to put her into a home but you might not have no other choice if she can't get the care she needs outside of one. I strongly agree about the APS, call them or even show up on their doorstep. They can help you with whatever needs done. Your sister may have physical limits and may not be able to move your mom by herself and this can put her at risk of hurting herself in the process. Your sister may also not be cut out to be a caregiver or she may also be too busy with her own life, especially if she happens to be very young. Young people don't like being saddled with loads of responsibilities that restrict their own freedom. I'm not sure how you all grew up, but if there was tons of responsibilities growing up, she's probably just enjoying her freedom now. Depending on a person's situation will determine whether or not they can be caregivers because each person's situation differs, especially if they are not mentally or emotionally able to be caregivers. Someone who can't take on the full task may be able to be part of a contributing team. This is something to consider, it may be that the more people who are helping with the task will make it easier, definitely consider this and only elect people who are completely trustworthy

Skin sores, not getting meds, not being cared for properly can result in Adult Protective Services becoming involved. Someone needs to take action NOW.
Your mom may not be able to make sound decisions for herself and someone needs to step up to the plate and be her advocate. If you do not know what to do you can contact your local adult social services agency for advice but I would not wait until her condition declines and protective services start making accusations of neglect. This sounds like a bad situation for your mom and she deserves more.

If it were for my own life, I would not want to be put in a nursing home because of dry skin, watching TV, or refusing my meds. The only thing among these which I see as necessary is the changing of wet or soiled diapers. What I am trying to suggest is that I think one should be careful about where the "bar" is set for recommending that the nursing home is somehow better. Often, overall, it actually is not better.

Your Mom deserves better care. A home would be a better place for her. Good luck.

If your sis is unwilling or unable to take care of her, you cannot force her. Even if you took the job on for 3 months yourself, with that expectation. Your 2 choices are do it yourself or put her in a facility and monitor and visit her often. Mom is equally both of your responsibility, but you cannot enforce this, additionally you may not be equipped to deal with it. Mom needs 24 hour care, a facility is likely the safest place for her and for your own emotional well being.

If your sister says it is not her responsibility to take care of your Mom - whose job is it? Who has medical POA? I hear your frustration - if you have the medical POA ask her Doctor to find you a social worker that can help you thru this situation. If you do not have POA ask him for the name of a social worker that will know what to do. Hang in there!! It rarely is easy to do the right thing. Good Luck!

It is time to admit that the care your Mother needs is more than you, your sister or one private caregiver can provide.

If you can't take care of her, and your sister won't take care of her, what other choice do you have than professional care? Surely it would be better for your mother to be in a pleasant place with three shifts of trained people to see that she is safe, gets her medications, eats well, etc. than to be neglected in a private home.

Mom would be safer in a nursing home. Start looking around for a good one.

I can tell that you are very anxious about this for this question is very similar to one asked two minutes before. "What can i do, if i feel that my mom is being neglected by my sister, mom had a stoke and cant use the right side"

What you can do is contact adult protective services, tell them what is going on and ask them to go investigate this.