My sister kidnapped my dad from a home and says she will sue the rest of family for parental abuse. Thoughts?

Hi best advice from me is walk away. My sisters took my father to a lawyer after I was living with him and helping him with my mother. I had to fight for my home and they did everything they could to ruin me. In the end he lost his home and put my mum in a home and now they have moved her and won't tell me where she is. The allegations made against me were false and in the end I settled out of court have have had to just move on. Your sister wants you to make a drama just walk away and leave her with it all

Jolmur's advice is sound. Sounds like you've talked to all you can. You're sister has fired a shot across your bow and unless you've lots of money and patience to fight her, I'd walk away and let her take over the car of your mom and dad. After all, they are her parents too so I doubt she's going to abuse them. You tried to help, but sis wants to take over. Unless you feel your folks are in grave danger from her, I'd let it go for awhile and see where it goes from here.

You say sis was using your parents pension to pay mum's debt... but isn't that what the pension's for, to take care of your parents in their old age? Or are your mom and dad divorced and the pension is only his?

I agree with Dustien and Jolmur. By the grace of God, you have a sister that wants to take care of your father, let her. I am so glad that I have a sister who wants to take care of my dad. God has a bigger picture for my life than a caregiver. It says to honor thy mother and father. And by my father having the resources to be placed in a nursing home, God has helped me to honor him without completely stopping my life. From what I hear, it seems that you now have the freedom to do greater works like myself.

Walking away sounds good but...

If you had a POA, you had a lawyer. Where is s/he? Your sister is guilty of kidnapping.

Don't be so sure you can just walk away without repercussions. Call your lawyer!!!!!!!!!!!

I will say prayers for you and your family. I only know how to address issues like this in the United States and can not advise in Australia. You might try to find an advocate for each of your parents to come up with a plan for your parents individual and combined best interest. It appears their has been a division in the family and the fighting among the siblings is a way to avoid the feelings That she is feeling about the struggles of your aging parents. In the United States I would recommend Guargianship through the courts where a professional guardian who is not the family would be the decision maker for your parents so manage the family dynamic.

stay away from lawyers...your just a pay check to them. Let your sister take charge...wait a year and then legaly demand an accounting. If she spend one dime on herself...you get your father back. FYI...if she wants to care for him at home intest of in a home...I see that as a good thing. Family first.

well lets hope she doesn't abuse them in some way (mentally/verbally), but I would double check with your lawyer since you did have POA and guardianship and find out what options are out there for what your sister has done. Then if nothing can be done, hard as it may be, you might have to just let things ride for now. I know you don't want to see your parents hurt (and I would think since you had the original guardianship, the NH is at risk for a lawsuit for discharging without having papers checked/signed....but I am not sure. check with your lawyer (not all just take your money).......good luck

I agree unless you have allot and i mean allot of money to legally fight ,let things alone for now.If you were POA you must have had some "legal beagle " to assist,maybe contact that person for advice.The nursing home is at risk for letting her sign him out in that manner..In the US you cannot do that..what are the laws in your country..just take a deep breath and let things calm down for now...

You re in for the fight of your life. The best advice I can give you is to get a lawyer, and push her out. She sounds kind of crazy to me.

What are you the most aggravated about? It should be that you have been denied visits with your Dad. Is your sister denying that to all of your family? If so, I would certainly find a way , through family services, her spouse, a church....to at least allow a visit. Maybe you can present your visit as a respite to her for a few hours. If your sister has the desire to take your Dad in then let her. Don't make threats about money and kidnapping Dad back as it will only provoke her. Does Dad have dementia that is documented ? Can he be responsible for signing a new document? Ultimately what is the situation worth to you? For me it would be the ability to see my parents.

This makes me glad to be an only child.

There are a few moving parts here. I found that my sibling's rivalry from childhood all came back when parents got sick. Then, i had to admit my parents didnt do anything to plan how they would be taken care of. Even when they were of sound mind, when suggestions to plan for the future were made, thwy woukd tell everyone what they wanted to hear by never taking any action. So i was left with my desire to be with my parents during their aging years and no way to be there regularly. I had to admit to myself that the situation is also some of their doing. Now, I do my best and I accept when I can't be there. (I tried to get my mom and dad situated 10 years before they got sick but they didn't cooperate. I made it clear i couldnt fly there as much as i might want to. They stayed.) If your sister has more money, let her take care of your parents. Ask a lawyer about protecting yourself. Your sister sounds like she is mean. And wants control. Maybe she will relent when she sees youve given up thw fight. The hardest part for me was knowing they weren't getting the love i could give them. Again, in many ways , this was their choice. Sometimes that's the hardest part.

how did she get your POA revoked?

I agree monitor your sisters actions from a distance and just make sure your parents are being well cared for. That's top priority. Legally your sister can't keep you from visiting your parents. But give it some time before you take the visiting step. Time will show that being responsible for elderly parent is not as easy as it sounds. Theres alot of work and patience that drains you on daily basis. Maybe with time your sister will recognize that and then she will know that what you have beein doing for your parents was a blessing. She just might come around after a few months of caring for your Mom. Wishing the best to you all..

Is your dad being well cared for in your sister's mansion? Trust me, in-home care with family is far superior to any nursing home (at least in the US). My brother is POA, and dumped my parents into a nursing home when I was willing to care for them myself. They were hosed down once a week, received no oral care, and my mom's medication got so screwed up that she could not function. She was never helped to eat or drink. And this was at the "best place in town." It's disgusting, the system is broken and we are all headed there. Why did your sister want your parents at home, and why does that make you so mad? I'd like to understand, because my parents now receive great private care at home, my mom weighs 130 pounds, and my entire family still hates me.

If she cleaned out your dad's account and she isn't the POA, that's fraud. You need to report that to the bank. They will pursue this legally. They have lawyers; let them fight. If the nursing home released your dad to an unauthorized person, report that to the CEO of the home and have them contact police. That's kidnapping and the police must take it from here. If your sister had your dad sign a document he was unable to understand, that document is legally void. That's also elder abuse and fraud. Additionally, the lawyer who drew it up and served you with those papers is in big trouble. He or she is in danger of being disbarred. Report it to the bar association and ask them what action you should take. In this country, you can't just "take" people and have a shady lawyer draw up invalid documents. A LOT of laws were broken here. You should report this whole thing to both the police and to whatever agency handles elder abuse in your town, because that what this is, elder abuse. No one is above the law, no matter how much money they have. YOU will not be the one fighting this battle, the authorities will. Somehow, I don't think your sister will win.

Wait a minute, I just read all the comments here and I agree with anonymous44. Why is everyone suggesting she just lay down and roll over for her sister who broke the law? That woman did a lot of shady things to get what she wanted. She broke the law, and she's threatening to sue the rest of the family? On what grounds? It doesn't appear she has any. She's very possibly off her nut and not fit to care for an elderly, vulnerable person. The original poster should report everything to the authorities and let them do their jobs!!

What about arbitration or family counseling? Are you too far removed to sit down together with your folks and a third party and come up with a group decision?

it is difficult to understand how a guardianship can be revoked without the other party being notified in advance. In the US guardianship is a court related discussion and if the court sees friction they appoint a third party. How many people are on their joint checking account if you declare it is drained? Is your sister financially capable of caring for Dad? Who is paying for Mom now? people who want to control and intimidate yell " sue" real quickly. On what basis would she sue? But I still go back to my original comment....isn't the most important thing to be able to see your Dad? Nobody suggested here that you just roll over and give up. I would bet there is a whole lot more behind this story so for other posters to call helpful responders stupid is uncalled for. It is okay to disagree but not by bickering.

I'm sure you could seek legal justice for this especially in the case of elderly. Have you contacted a lawyer, you may get one pro bono for such a case

Anonymous44, what do you suggest - beyond everyone else taking a break from advice giving - in regards to what action the original poster should take?

Guardianship is the word. You should have been the only one who could use his bank accounts. The bank is in violation if this is so. Go back to the lawyer who set up the guardianship and see what responsibilites you have. If your sister wants full control, have the guardianship and POA revolked. Then tell her she is free to get her own. If she has a Mansion, she must have the money to take care of ur parents. Like it was said, let her have them. After talking to a lawyer, maybe it would be a good thing to get all the siblings together to discuss how u "all" can help.

profile says she is in California and she hasn't responded

Thank you, Christine 73.

You are so right. A POA commits one to massive responsibilities. You cannot just walk away from them.

Angrydaughter can sue the AL from where the father was kidnapped--they should never have let the father go--and the sister.

Bottomline: see your lawyer. This is not a decison to be mad eby us--who are not lawyers!

Wow...lot happening here! of course you have POA....and yes, you have rights. How much is it going to cost you to hire attorneys??? Also, she did pay your mom's bills with that money...and has dad in her mansion. I just am wondering...isn't it better to have him at home to be cared for instead of a nursing home? Sooo many questions? good luck!

So what is wrong with the care she is giving him? If he is safe and being cared for, isn't that more important than who is in control? Pick your battles in life, and this is not one of them. Stop reading her nasty emails, and rise above the petty sibling rivalry. Your dad needs all his children concerned about him without the fighting. Life is too short! His life is getting shorter too...

No response?

Move along people nothing to see here!

I think the problem here is she had legal guardianship not the sister. The nursng facility should not have allowed him out of the facility without calling the guardian. She may have a suit her herself.

I can't believe how easy it is to get a P.O.A & guardianship revoked. She visited him one day in the home, took him to the local solicitor's and said "sign this" and that was that. Mum is still in rehab at the local hospital and now she is texting me, my husband and siblings saying how we have ruined her life.My sister Karen (in the mansion) is continuing on her legal threats pathway, telling us that she will see us in the supreme court! The more I stress about the situation, the more friends tell me to try not too.I believe my Mum is actually an undiagnosed narcissist and my sister Karen shows traits of this too. Karen will not let me see my father or any of the other family. She seems to be on some sort of power trip. There is nothing to be gained at the end of all this. Mum at 80 is in debt of nearly $200k and my poor Dad just wanted to live in peace ( away from Mum's continued 53yrs of emotional abuse)

Just out of curiosity, where is your mom going after she gets out of rehab?