Sister has cut me off?

Choose whom to associate with and make them into your own family. Totally relying on blood relatives for happiness and support is a personal anchor. Throw the anchor overboard! One of my favorite sayings goes like this: "If your ship hasn't come in, swim out to it." Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

I think you should spend your energy on things you like and can control.... like your view of yourself. Lots of people don't have siblings or children.... and having children is not a guarantee that they will be there for you as you age by the way.
You are a 65 years young spectacular person so share that personality with others. It's true during the pandemic that you may have to put off some activities but you can certainly plan for the future and start others today.
Here are a few suggestions:
Get involved with some of the wonderful books that have been publised over the past years. You can get them on audible or ebooks if you don't want to go to the library. Need more funds.... everyone in the US is hiring for something! Learn a new language... Spanish is the easiest and most widely available but pick one that you have always been fascinated with. Most colleges and high schools are offering courses online these days. Check out your local senior citizen center.... most of them do a lot more than checkers and marhongg these days. Love music..... can't play an instrument? Now's the time to learn ... keyboards have made music accessible and reasonable. I'm starting an online course beginners piano this March offered by our local senior resource center in Princeton. Go to the local dog park even if you don't have a dog and admire everyone's pooch. Every owner will fall in love with you and you'll get lots of info on doggy parenting if you ever decide to get a furbaby (remember that's a long committment though). Do you like animals but don't want to have one....no problem volunteer at a local animal rescue. They are always looking for people to walk dogs, talk to dogs, cuddle dogs.

Once we are out of the pandemic the volunteer opps will knock you down. Places looking for and needing volunteers:
local animal rescue sites, any hospital you can think of, libraries, homeless shelters, women's shelters, doctor's offices, libraries, many local governments....
you get the idea. The main thing to remember is you are a valuable person but... you have to let the rest of the world know that you are here. Most people will reach out to you.....after they know you are there and reach out to them. It's definitely a two way street. And don't worry about having family .... sometimes they are wonderful and sometimes they are an abaltross around your neck. Pick your family.... make friends.
Good luck on this journey. I know you will make it and have a blast in the process. It's worked for me ... no kids, no biological family but the best set of friends who are there for me come hell and high water that you've ever seen. I'm 77 and every day is still magical and wonderful (and occassionally..... a little surprising!) Please keep in touch. Let me know what books you are reading .... if you have the time after your lessons and volunteering!!
Peace

Money. Is she hiding something you were supposed to be given?

This is your sisters problem and also her decision. You don't need to be threatened by her. Try not to let it worry you and go on with your life.

It sounds like your sister has her own mental health (or personality) issues and her way of dealing is to allocate blame and then ghost people. It might be her way of dealing that is the problem, rather than yours. I would not try looking for what you have done wrong.
We cling to family of origin but they are not always good for us and it is time you looked for friends that fulfil your needs. Sometimes a small change can do this for us. Trite though it sounds joining a group or getting and walking a dog can lead to new, more fulfiling relationships. Sometimes short regular interactions can do it - it doesn't necessarily need to be deep and meaningful. In time your sister will occupy less of your energy and sometimes when our persecutors realise they hold no power, they change their approach. However it is your reaction that needs the work. The good news is that it is within your power. 65 is not a right off! You have good years ahead, enjoy them!

I'm sure it hurt that your sister is basically blowing you off. For over 3 years. Time to move on and do your best to forget about the pain and her. It's OK for you to tell yourself "I'm so done with her!".

Try not to dwell on this. Instead, put your energy into more positive things. Are you working? Have any hobbies? If not, find a part-time job. Or volunteer. Start a new hobby. Join a club.

If you live alone, consider moving into a senior community. There are social opportunities there. Join your local senior center.

There are many options for you to put yourself out there and make a better life. Without your sister's b.s.

I think this is disgustingly common when a person is 'single/alone', especially with no children or support. To me, it's like kicking a person when they're down... IMO this 'kind' of 'person' is selfish to disown someone... especially a family member. Unfortunately, I think too many of us have found this true... one way or another. As difficult as this is, take care of yourself and find happiness. It'll surface from time to time... But, realize that these 'people' also have and will have their own heartbreaks.

dynorod: Imho, you cannot control others and the actions thereof, albeit even your own sibling; you can only control yourself. Engage in your own social circle.

Time to make new friends, in the spirit of service would be best! Family concept is overrated, if a sibling pass judgement, don’t like you, you are still breathing and entitled to be happy. New Year, new friends. Cut the strings with a joyful attitude, you never know what is there around the corner, maybe waiting your one true love. Stay strong!

Your sister has a problem. I don't know what it is and you shouldn't waste your time trying to figure it out. I did that and one can never really know why someone does something. Don't waste more of your. precious time. Yes, all that time we spent on our nieces and nephews - means nothing now. You need to focus on yourself and your life independent of your sister. I know it's hard, but it's better than trying to get the love of someone who doesn't want to give it.

This post brings up a personal situation of my own. I will just post the reality of what has happened in my life and hopefully others can see another perspective of this type of thing.
I have a sister, 2 years younger than me. Most of her adult life she has been a raging alcoholic. Certainly has mental health issues. She has had a pattern of getting drunk and calling a member of the family to rage, scream, call names, make false accusations. Every one of us has been the victim of her tirades many times, she just makes the rounds. We are SO sick of this nastiness. Her birthday is the same as our dad, and on his last birthday, before he died, he was her victim. She called him over and over, screaming, cussing, yelling at him. He called me and said, "I don't know what to do. She won't stop." I told him not to answer any calls from her the rest of the day. My mom & stepdad were her targets many times, but she has no idea why they wrote her off. I said to her in the last year, that it was because of all the times she had called them and cussed them out while drunk. She DOES NOT get the fact that she is the problem.
On July 17, 2020 I gave her notice that if she ever did it again, I would block her number and never have anything to do with her again. The few times we have talked in the past few years since I have taken on caring for our mother who has dementia, this ick of a sister has brought up what she wants from mom's belongings when mom dies. I use mom's money to take care of mom's needs, but this ick accuses me of being greedy.
She has absolutely NO awareness that she has done anything wrong. She can't understand at all why her family treats her so bad. Such a narcissist.

Follow the money.

Disclaimer:
Do not follow this advice if it does not apply to you or your family's circumstances. imo.

Maybe your sister sees that your getting older and lonely and doesn’t want to get involved.

Look back at your communications to your sister. Certainly any “sent” emails or retained texts may hold the answer. Don’t ask her further “closure” information - she has asked for no relationship and grant her that peace.

Your question suggests that you didn’t have a consistently good time with your siblings. You also indicate that your caretaking sister limited interaction and visitors with your mother.

After my parents passed, relationships with some of my siblings have changed completely. Initially it stung, but in the big picture, it was for the best.

Consider the falling out a blessing. You are also free to choose your own path.

This happens far too often and for reasons no one knows about or has the means to understand. If you have made every attempt and nothing changes, then make up your mind to SEVER ALL TIES - it is scary being alone but it is far better than to pray you will have help and you never will and there is no relationship. I have gone through this and am totally alone at age 88 and disabled. It is very hard but there are times in life severing all ties opens other doors to a new future. First of all, try to consult the advice of an eldercare attorney as to the best options for YOU to prepare for YOUR advancing age and care. Make sure l00% of all your affairs are in perfect order at all times. Try to find someone you trust to be a Power of Attorney and who would step up to the plate. It is a big undertaking but I have not a soul in the world. I have everything in perfect order and take care of myself l00% - whether you can or cannot do this, I don't know but start with an eldercare attorney who will advise you what you need to do for your future. You will finally have some peace which you do not have now. Walk forward and never look back - it will destroy you if you keep holding on to "nothing".

Why don't you find a good place to volunteer a few hours a week and develop some meaningful friendships there and you will be able to live your life without the sorrow of your lack of family relations. You will find happiness in service to others.

You can't change anyone, but YOU can change how you react to someone. Look at it this way - would you put up with this type of behaviour from a friend? Of course you wouldn't, so why should a family member be any different. You need to empower yourself to stop seeking a relationship with your sister just because she is a "relative", SET BOUNDARIES, and stick to it. Had to do the same with my younger sister. Her jealousy of me and my family (because she is the black sheep of the family) manifested itself into ugliness to the point I had to shut that door 3 years ago - coincidentally after my Dad passed away from complications of Alzheimers. Fortunately, my parents had wills, trusts and POAs in place and I can take care of everything for my Mother's sake without any help from my sister. You can't fix a broken relationship - you need to move on now and develop healthier relationships with friends. Remember - NO ONE can mistreat you unless YOU allow it. Peace be with you.

Family is a gift no one can buy. Dysfunctional families mean some members were hurt and decided to leave, such as from divorced parents. Perhaps professional help will get you through difficulties so you may move on to volunteer and make new friends.

I think you now what the issues are between you and your sister. It most likely is simply that there never was a connection. I had the same situation with a sister. She passed almost ten years ago. We just never liked each other and we dealt with it and moved on. If you worry about being lonely, you will have to do something for yourself. Volunteer work, part time job, learn something new. I learned how to dance at age 60. Dozens of new friends. Learned how to ride horses with some of those friends who were ranchers. Find something you will like. It may be activities at a local senior center. The point is to put yourself in contact with others and some will turn out to be friends. Some won't. But your efforts to mend and bond with your sister sounds like it will only end in more negative results. Sometimes, family isn't just biological or blood. Sometimes when it's not...it's the best.

That's so confusing and hard Dynorod. It seems pretty clear from last sentence of first para and first sentence of second paragraph-you were prevented from seeing your Mom for the last three years of her life and now your sister blames you for making your mother miserable???? Hard to see any logic in that whatsoever.

I agree with those who say you're being scapegoated for decisions sister has already made and also with those who point out the necessity of a lawyer to help you execute or co-execute the will.

And yes while it's hard move on and live your own life-your sister who seems quite capricious and changing in her views is not to be relied on, clearly.

Trust me when I tell you you are better off because it sounds like your sister has mental health issues herself. I am in the same boat. In my case I was the product of rape, we lived with the father of the older sibling. The older sibling could not be bothered so I got stuck with the care giving until our mother became in her 90's, now realizing she may not have much time left has coerced our mother with abuse into handing over total control now pushing to take bank accounts and the house. I did nothing but show kindness to this 1/2 sibling even though her and her husband also subjected me to abuse when I was younger. I gave our mother above average care and she flourished, now there is neglect and abuse and our mother has very quickly deteriorated. Our mother acts like I'm to blame for the neglect and abuse the other daughter is doing to her. I'm telling you this to let you know do not beat yourself up wondering. My 1/2 sibling blamed me for her father's death and he died when a heart aneurysm burst. When our mother dies she'll do the same nasty attitude. My point being there is an issue with them, not you but them and I do not regret the love and care I provided our mother, however I think there always has been mental illness of both our mother and the 1/2 sibling. They basically used me and seeing how they use people, have no remorse empathy or conscience for how they mistreat people clearly indicates to me that they both have something seriously wrong mental health wise. So as I said do not waste your time wondering, she is not worth the effort, focus on the positive people in your life and move forward. It may not seem like it now but you will find a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.

Very confusing but the fact remains that all of your siblings have been estranged from one another over the years. You cannot control another person and it seems you have done everything possible to get back into your youngest sisters graces. I suspect over time, when she "needs" you she will reach out again as she did when she had Covid. One never knows what's going on in another's mind or life - and it appears your sister has issues of her own. Let the reconciliation go, pray for the best possible outcome, and move on. Can you re-establish a bond with your other sister? Can you volunteer where you may be helpful and meet others who can enrich your life? Join a church group? Reach out to old friends through Facebook? Join a travel club? Anything to create a new supportive network of people.
The missing piece to the puzzle is the fact that you say you are the Executor of your Mom's "estate". If that is the case, I urge you to contact a good attorney to represent your interests ASAP, as it appears this may be a motivating factor in why your sister may be making it look like you are a disinterested party. If you are the Executor, it is certainly your legal right to know and carry out your mothers final wishes. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Sounds like sis has some guilt problems. You don't point fingers unless you're trying to take the light off of yourself. People are only as miserable as they allow themselves to be. If sister watched after Mum, then maybe mum was miserable because sister cut everyone off.
You reach out and find some good friends, and enjoy your life. It sounds like sis is the one with the problem. Good people don't bite and criticize others unless they are self centered themselves.
You've done all you could. You have nothing to feel guilty about unless you allow sis to manipulate you. My hats off to you. Live your life.
As we age, we should become wiser. I have discovered that I can't change other people. Stop apologizing. According to the bible, you've done all that's required of you in God's eyes and to keep doing it is to allow yourself to be manipulated.
This is a new chapter. Close that chapter and turn the page. What is it they say, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family?" By the time a person gets over 50, they either choose to change or they don't. Not your problem if they don't.
Step into your new chapter guilt free and enjoy your life. God says in Jeremiah, "I know the plans I have for you; to give you a hope and a future, to prosper and not to harm you". Find your purpose and pursue it.

Im 49 and my brother is a narcissist and blames me for everything although hes the black sheep of the family. Im the doting daughter. We didnt talk for two yrs but he reached out passively and of course because he wants me involved financially. I got parents a condo and hes a free bird after he committed but pulled out. Manipulative. Always. Useless and miserable hvg them around so it doesn’t matter if you dont talk to them.

This is sad, because you have done all you could do caring for your mother. Your sister is one selfish lady which will come back to her full fold down the road. Also, I find people cannot deal with the reality of a sick and dying parents so take these strange life paths to avoid the obvious. Your sister looks at your age and sees her own mortality in the mirror and realizes it is coming. So, she is running. You hang in there and do the best you can as you are miles ahead of her and have done nothing wrong! You, my dear have my ultimate "RESPECT"!!

Dynorod, I just picked up on one of your replies: if you are indeed an executor - even if only a joint executor with your other sister - of your mother's will then you need to do something about it. The will can't be carried out without your input, and even if you're not interested in the will's contents you have a legal duty to perform. Find out!

As others have advised, don't rely on your sister(s) for your social life. Look for other people who need your talents and who share your interests.

My sister and I are no longer on speaking terms since my mother was living with me. She was with me for 3 months and they wanted me to care to her and pay for her way. I put my foot down and my sister picked up my mother and I decided not to talk to my sister from that point on. She has always been deceptive and a narcissistic, and I was expected to do as I’m told and not question the abuse.

Your sister sounds like a narcissist and I think you should read up on it. Most of these traits she learned from my mother, and they both are proud of being ruthless to others. My personality is more empathetic and they look at that as a sign of weakness. Be true to yourself, stay kind and step back. My mother is still living but she has probably changed her will and removed me from everything. My mother enjoys the control of both my sister and I and she’ll try to have us turn on each other. It’s her way of getting attention.

So sorry you are experiencing this. Time to develop friendships with others that are kind to you. Sometimes these friends can become the family you always desired.

If this treatment from your siblings has been going on for years it is not going to change and it may not even have anything concrete to do with you; you have simply become a 'scapegoat'. It's terribly sad to be aging and feel family has disintegrated but sounds like this has been a fractured family for a long time. Try to give yourself a break, stop expecting sib(s) to ever explain 'why' (because they probably don't even know or wouldn't/couldn't see they've been mean/cruel toward you.) You did what you could when your parents were alive, toward other relatives; now is the time to Emancipate yourself and find ways to make your remaining years as good as possible, You may grieve the loss of a Sense of family, but if you are being honest these relatives have not been true family for a long time. It is healthy to accept that reality, mourn the loss of your hopes, release them with love, and live your life on your terms; find real friends/companions, do things that are meaningful to you. Expand your concept of 'family' beyond blood relations.