Sister and I are both equal POA but the bank can't/won't add me. Any advice?

Ra, jointly and severally means either or both, and seems to be the norm in Ontario.

Is there an area of aging or bar association that has a pro bono department in the area near your mother's nursing home that you can contact for legal advice? It sounds like that is your best bet at this point. I agree that it sounds like sis is outmaneuvering you and you are right to want to deal with that later rather than now, but I would see to it that she pays for anything she has done incorrectly when the time is right! You are doing the right thing for your mom - spending time with her, bringing her dog to spend time with her. At this point in her disease, I'm not sure there is really much more you can do for her than what you are doing. Unless you are seeking funds to pay for more individualized attention than she is currently getting at the nursing home, there really isn't much more than mom's funds should be paying for. You can get the money you are owed from the estate once she is gone. For now, just forget about sister and spend time with Mom. Make sure you will be able to live with no regrets. Sounds like sister should have plenty to be sorry about. POA expires at death. Executor controls estate upon death. Hope this helps. So sorry Mom created a joint POA - they rarely work out well. My sister is about ready to kill me now because I have POA. If we had to share POA duties, my mom would have never gotten any care at all. Please let us know how things progress.

With financial matters there is only one primary POA with a successor who steps in only if POA cannot preform duties. It is different then a healthcare POA. What do you need the money for, is sister paying for moms care? If so a power struggle at this point will only bring more anxiety. Why not spend as much time with mom while you can and let things get sorted out in the will. I hear the anxiety in your writing. It is so common when money is involved for people to become grabby grabby and totally ruin family relationships over THINGS. It saddens me when that happens. Maybe others will have more suggestions.

Ramiller, my mom's poa named my sib and I "jointly and severally", so it is possible that Klassylas is correct about that.

Generally banks tend to give a lot of trouble about poa's anyway and often they want you to fill out their own forms. Have you presented the bank with a notarized copy of the poa to prove it is valid and up to date? It sounds as though you are the one who is physically closest to your mom? Is she able to talk to the bank and give them instructions?

Beyond all that, I'm not really sure what it is you want to accomplish by asserting your rights as poa, it sounds as though mom's bills are being paid and she is cared for. Why exactly is it you need access to her accounts?

Please do not spend any more money on the house. The Executor has to sell it if the Will says sell. An estate does not settle quickly even in the US. There is a waiting period, in NY, there are no distributions for seven months. Look up probate waiting period for the province in question. It can be more than a year!

Klassy, where were you living before you moved into your mom's house? Your post was rather hard to follow, I missed that you have been trying to fix it up. I agree with pam, stop spending money on the house. It will be sold either after your mom is gone or sooner if your sister has her way. It sounds as though it has fallen into disrepair and there is no hope it would ever be fit for your mother to return to even if she wasn't so frail. You might want to consider where you like plan live in the long term and take steps to set yourself up for that future.

cwillie, you are correct there can be two in what is called a joint poa, in that case every document signed by a poa has to be signed by both everytime. The second way to set up poa is a primary and successor should primary be unable.Klassy, u should check to see how the poa is set up. If you are equals then sis cannot act without your signature on documents. But like i said mom needs you right now your time is better spent with her than chasing sis around. When mim passes sis will have to account for funds thats when you can fight her if you wish. Just trying to put things in order of importance. I do wish you the best.

Two people can be named as proxies, with either having the authority to act. That's how my father's and sister's were set up.

It sounds as though your sister has out manoeuvered you by holding mom's money in a joint account, therefore you can not access that money. BTW, it will also belong to your sister when mom passes, it will not be part of the estate. I'm not sure how she could have done that without your mom signing off on it though, I would be asking the bank for proof of that.
Is this the only account or are there others? Once again I ask, have you shown the bank a dated and notarized copy of your poa? Are you sure your sis and mom did not write a more recent one excluding you?

All, some of the following is repetitive of my prior posts here, but I felt it needed to be expanded. Please excuse the repetitive information. The following is hopefully for everyone’s benefit!!
State bar associations in the USA keep a list of lawyers who perform pro bono (free) work for the elderly with low incomes and for those individuals who can't afford it and/or. In addition, they usually have groups designated for just that purpose. Most law firms (especially the larger firms) also require their attorneys to perform a certain number of pro bono hours per month and the receptionist and/or recruiting manager usually keeps a list of which attorneys are on the “call-in Iist” each month – these are the attorneys who are supposed to make themselves available to help people who cold-call law firms looking for help.
AARP is another good idea. We also have Local Area of Aging groups in each county that will intervene. The counties in each state also have Senior Citizen groups that can also provide references, as do most Home Health Care and Hospice companies. Last but not least, we also have Adult Protective Services (APS) to intervene. We can report anonymously or use our names. Last but not least, there is an ombudsman for nursing homes that can be contacted as well. I think they are more involved in abuse or neglect from the NH itself, but they or their offices could refer you to the appropriate parties to assist you.
For non-USA residents, call your government offices to find out the names of the equivalent of these services in your province/state – they should be able to help you find out what help is available. Then you need to talk to those departments / divisions / groups to determine if you or your LO are eligible financially or circumstantially for their services before you even think of hiring an attorney at an ungodly hourly rate.
In any of these cases, ask for assistance from a lawyer who specializes in elder care. As mentioned elsewhere, some of the things being done are not illegal, but are immoral. However, USA courts (judges) do not look on immoral actions kindly as it is considered elder abuse.
Klassylas, if you and your sister are equal POA, your sister can't keep you from doing anything - equal POA means equal rights to aid your mother. Yes, jointly and severally does mean either or not both. But it is up to you to assert your rights as POA, as you did with your dad. POAs have a duty to do the right thing, legally and morally. An eldercare lawyer can help ensure that is done and can compel the bank to listen to you. Sis may be the executor of mom’s estate, but if mom is alive, that means diddly squat at this point. She cannot prevent you from going to mother’s property or anything else. You can call the police and show them your POA to stop her. You can file a harassment claim against brother-in-law and get an order of protection to keep him away from you. Document everything you possibly can to prove your case. As Learningglass suggested, I would definitely submit a Petition for Citation to Compel Accounting if there is such a thing in your province! That alone might shake her up enough to behave herself. You don’t need a lawyer to do that.
I’m pretty sure sis cannot charge her hotel bills to the estate. Keep all of your receipts as related to mom and her care and caregivers!! You can also petition court to have sister removed as POA and executor if you can prove she is mishandling funds. I understand what you are saying, that sis is selling things off now and not caring for mom – APS can put a stop to that as well. I cannot repeat this enough … document, document, document and keep every little receipt with notes attached to each receipt as to the reason for the expense using the old “Who, What, When, Where, Why” rule. Keep a ledger if possible and keep the receipts organized.
If you are organized, you can do most of this lawyerly or paralegal type work yourself. Your local courthouse likely has a law library where you can research the law on your own. You want to take care of as much of this as possible immediately. If possible, I would also ask for a handwriting analysis to ensure sis has not / is not forging documents. If sis is joint owner of mom’s bank accounts and you are not, yes, all money will pass to sis on mom’s death. However, if sis is on mom’s accounts as POA, she is NOT an owner but merely a custodian of the funds, and that does end at death, and does require an accounting of the funds.
I am POA for my mom and her husband. I am joint owner on their accounts. If I were a dishonest person, I could rob them blind, as my powers are very broad. But I am honest to a fault and have buried myself in paper. That has turned out to be a good thing because my sis is now threatening to charge me with embezzlement, which is a joke. But that is exactly why my sister is not and never will be POA – she would use mom’s funds for her own needs and she would do what she wants, not what mom wants. And, this is why your sis can get away with a lot if you do NOT assert your powers.
The elderly, especially those with dementia are very susceptible to their LO’s suggestions and some people (like my sis and yours) can be quite cunning. However, that is also where APS will step in and put a stop to it because it is their job to do so and to see through their BS.
Unfortunately, I had to call APS on my step-father. The APS representative brought a policewoman with him. She gave me a lot of good info, as did the APS rep. Our Home Health Care Agency’s social worker was a wealth of knowledge too. I would imagine there is a NH social worker where your mom lives. You could start there unless sis has them wrapped around her little finger. If sis does have them snowed, start at the other places suggested above.
Mom’s bank is taking the easy way out by protecting sis. They just don’t want to get involved in anything ugly, but that doesn’t mean they are right in doing so.
POAs are filed in our real estate divisions of the county court house. Do you know if your and your sister’s POA was ever filed with the court? It would be helpful if it was. You can go there and get a certified copy of it, if you don’t already have one, which you should. You will need it to get anything done.
As also suggested by Learninglass, summarize the issues, write down your questions and thoughts before getting in touch with anyone. Also, check the dates of any paperwork signed by mom. If her dementia had progressed to the point that she cannot be accountable for what she signed, or if anything was signed under duress, sis can get in trouble with the court for that as well.
GardenArtist, I agree that we need more info like this available to all members. I’m surprised if there is not a lawyer on the board of directors to advise on such issues.
2Marily4me2, this would be your step-daughter rather than DIL, correct? Call your husband’s doctors and local hospital to find out if there is a POA on record. Go to the real estate division of your courthouse to find out if she filed a POA. It is not required, but is helpful, so she may have done so.
Step-daughter may have pretended to be you or may have had a POA in order to get another credit card on your husband’s account. That is doable. However, since your husband cancelled the card, he should not be liable for the bills that she ran up. Have you heard of Clark Howard in Atlanta? He has a nationally syndicated show on the radio and online. He loves digging into these type situations to help people. Just search him on the Internet. DO NOT PAY ANYTHING ON THE BILLS YOU ARE RECEIVING. When you start making payments, you are admitting liability. If necessary, let husband go into bankruptcy for protection. Put creditors on notice to stop calling. Did husband send POA revocation by certified mail? If not, send another one in that manner. Use Credit Karma to check his credit daily if necessary to find out what she is up to and call each and every creditor and report ID theft. Find the federal website to report it as well. You may never know how she managed to do this, but if it is his daughter, she may likely have his SSN and DOB, which makes it easier.
Ramiller, some people do assign joint POAs. I would never recommend doing so, but some people don’t want to hurt one child over the other and assign both as joint-POAs.
I am willing to talk to anyone who needs more information. Elder abuse is my pet peave!! I am not a lawyer but worked in law firms as a legal secretary for 30 years before leaving because of my health, so I learned how to navigate the legal system – in the USA, anyway. If I don’t know the answer, I can generally help figure out how to get it.

Best of luck to any and all in these situations!!