I'm disabled and currently living with her. My parents are/were in their late 80's. Mom just passed away last week suddenly but she had been degenerating for the past 2 years or so after beating cancer. Dad has mid-level dementia. I have MS and am semi-functional w/difficulty walking/standing/moving, possibly losing my driver's license, so I'm becoming dependent on others. I moved into my parents' house about 6 years ago when I had to stop working in my mid-50's. By default I became my parents' caretaker when they got too sick to function. This became impossible because of my illness and because I couldn't care for 2 sick people at once even if I were healthy. It was making my symptoms go crazy, and I was going crazy in my head dealing with my new 16 hour a day, 7 day a week job w/no breaks. I moved out of their house about 3 months ago after my dad was becoming very physically aggressive/threatening with me due to his dementia. I moved in w/my sister & brother-in-law, where things have been pretty good. They had discussed taking me in when I became disabled. It just happened earlier than they expected. I do pay them rent. Mom & dad moved to a nursing home. We expected to have to sell the family home to pay for their care, but mom passed after 2 weeks there, and dad might live for years. But now that mom's expenses are gone, we might be able to keep the house between my sister and me. I discussed possibly renting the house out & using the monthly profit to be able to supplement my parents' retirement benefits to pay for my dad's care, which she agreed with.
The problem is: we both handle money VERY differently. They get pleasure from spending/living the good life. I'm much more conservative/would rather save & have no debt than have "things". They are already talking about grand plans of what needs to be done to the house to attract the best renters. Granted, the house is dated and needs upgrades eventually (ex. the built-in stove only works on two burners and the carpet is an awful green that goes throughout the house). I would agree to spending maybe $10k-$20k each, and they're more in the $50k-$70k each. The biggest problem is that they have no money to do repairs. For years my sister was very successful in sales but got fired from her job a few years ago. She apparently had a retirement account in the many hundreds of thousands of dollars that she p*ssed away in 3 years while not looking for work. Her husband owns a construction company that was also successful for many years but has apparently declined over the past number of years. My sister got another job but was unfortunately let go again, and now makes only unemployment. Her husband is struggling financially with his company. Yet, they still eat out 5-6 times a week w/drinks, including expensive sushi dinners and having food delivered rather than going to pick it up. They own a few properties already, but they ran into problems w/one of them & borrowed against the other properties and have no more slack to borrow again. They also borrowed $12k from my parents about 3 years ago, and never paid them back a penny, although my BIL bought a new motorcycle since. My sister recently admitted this was true. I think they're surviving on credit cards.
I'd rather fix the necessities & rent the rest of the house as it is for a less, maybe to a family with pets who always have a harder time renting. If the carpet gets ruined by the pets, THEN replace the carpet when we have money in hand. We could save half of the profits from the monthly rent to go toward future repairs & look at more upgrades as we can afford them. I'd never lend them money.
I woke up in a panic this AM worrying about how to handle this and not fight w/them about it. I'm in a vulnerable position and don't want to lose my new home and my great relationship w/my sister, who is really my only link to not eventually going homeless. Has anyone else had something like this? Any suggestions? I can't afford to lose money or a great relationship. Thanks
Good luck and my sincere condolences on the loss of your mom.
As Dad is still alive, has that house actually been title transferred to you and your Sister? So that the property is actually in your and Sissys name?. Most couples have their wills to be done as a “pour over” so that whatever they jointly owned moves over to the surviving spouse when the other spouse dies. It is only after the surviving spouse themselves dies that the assets of their Estate then can transfer as per their will if the debts against the estate are resolved.
If this is your situation, then neither you or Sissy have “inherited” your parents home. It should be your father or his POA who uses his $ to pay for the costs to repair / renovate his home so that he can have it become a rental with the $ going towards paying his costs of his care.
Do Sissy or her husband have experience in successfully renovating and doing rental property management? It sounds like they have tried this but have spectacularly failed at it. I’d be very concerned in basically going into any type of business with them. And that is what you would be doing if you get involved with them in taking over your Dads house.
If it were me, I’d look online into courthouse records for their names and his “construction company” name(s)* and any type of LLC* they have the properties owned by to see what kind of track record for lawsuits, judgements and their issuing eviction notices to their renters. Google property address to see what the sale & rental history has been on all the prop they own. Especially look to find out if they are 100% current on paying property taxes on that home you live in with them and all the houses they own and rent out.
As a suggestion, since you have $ to be able to pay rent, look into getting yourself on low income housing designed for those with health challenges. There should be a MS support organization within your State. That could be a good place to start to find out what is available.
Honestly if your Sis and her hubs have “no more slack to borrow” from properties they already own, they do not know what they are doing to be real estate investors. I’d be concerned that your Dads house is their next piggy bank to use as collateral.
* if his construction company is real, there should be corporate filings both with your States Secretary of State and registered with the County or City.
Sell the house "as is" and walk away from it with whatever cash you can. You can invest that cash somewhere else, such as mutual funds, where it will work for you without your having to work at all except for checking your rate of return regularly and gloating over your brilliance in not having to be a care slave to a house.
Good luck with all of it!
First of all, it is doubtful she is going to want to devote her life to caregiving you as your MS follows the usual downward trajectory. That is being honest with you.
And you are certain NOT to agree with how the home is settled.
Your father is alive. If he is being cared for in a Medicaid situation, then his home will be having a lien on it to recover those funds after his death; I doubt there will be any inheritance left.
You say that you are paying rental.
Are you aware that if you were instead doing "shared living costs" instead, by a contract, that your sister would not have to claim those funds as income (which she does have to do with rental).
I think there is a lot here to discuss about CURRENT plans, and about the FUTURE as involves your care.
I think that it is time to sit first with sister and hubby and talk about all this.
Then sit down all together with an Elder Law Attorney and discuss your family situation, who is willing to do what, and what to do when your minds don't meet.
Good luck.
You really need to consult with an Elder Lawyer. You need to this right.
Do either of you have your father's POA? If so, that person gets to decided BUT the decisions must be made 100% based on what's good for your father and his situation, NOT based on hopes for an inherited property or any other financial benefit for anyone but him.
For you or your sister to put any of your own money into a home that you don't yet own, since you haven't inherited it yet, makes no sense. When you mention "profits from monthly rent," those need to go directly into your father's accounts to pay for his care, not to be saved for future upgrades to make the house more valuable when you inherit it.
As someone else mentioned, the unpaid "loan" that your parents gave to your sister is going to be an issue if your father needs Medicaid to pay for his nursing home.
I think you have the right idea that you need to be conservative with money at this point, but I understand that your sister and her home have been a haven after the destructive years with your parents. I suggest that you make an appointment for yourself, your sister, and her husband with an Elder Law attorney who can explain to the two of them and you what you can and cannot due with regard to the house and your dad's finances. That will protect all of you from making expensive mistakes, but the limitations will be described by the attorney, rather than you, so it won't be a case of you being the "bad guy" keeping them from their elaborate plans.
You may want to quietly start looking for, and placing yourself on waiting lists for, specialized housing and other benefits due to your disability, to give yourself peace of mind that if things go awry with your sister, you will have a backup and not live with anxiety in the meantime.
Again, so glad you have relief from the terrible situation you were in. Keep us posted on how things go.