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I moved her in with my family for 2 yrs. & was able to be her caregiver. Dementia set in, on top of all her many health problems, began to fall a lot. She broke her neck from a fall at my house. ER, hospital stay & then rehab. While in the rehabilitation facility, slid out of wheelchair & broke her hip. ER, hospital & surgery, inpatient rehab hospital & then to a nursing home. Covid hit & I couldn't be there to move her in or get her set up. She has been there for 4 months now. Staff doesn't have the eyes of family anymore. I believe they have become even lazier with paying attention to the patients. My mom is totally dependent on the RN's & the CNA's. They stick the call chain where she can't reach it. She has to get her neighbor to get it for her. If she calls they have ignored her or comes in abt 45 mins to an hour later. They don't give her showers only bed baths. She has a Foley that is not flushed regularly, her vagina is always red & painful. Usually has a horrible smell. 4 visits to ER in 4 months, 3 caused by the NH's neglect. Example: they removed her Foley & couldn't get it back in. She didn't urinate for 3 days! She was in severe pain. I had NO idea what was happening until the 3rd night they called me to tell me she was going to ER for stomach issues. I met her at ER. Within 25 mins., they emptied 1324 units off bladder! I can count on one hand how many times I have been notified, updated or informed about anything! I had to request my own care plan meeting! I got her a cellphone so she can call me. She will call me balling! Sometimes 5 to 10 times a day. They don't turn her while in bed, just left to hurt, sit in her bm's or urine, left in a wheelchair in room. She has 2 bedsores. I could go on & on.


She has been in hospital for 6 days for severe compaction constipation, which I was never informed about. Hospital was releasing her today & she immediately started having severe chest & side pains, crying to almost point of vomiting. I know she hates the place because the staff doesn't take care of her correctly! I don't even know if hospital is still going to release her today. They gave her a pain medication & she is resting now. I am about to have a total melt down. I don't know what to do! I have called the DON several times but not much change. I call nursing station to check on her. I am told she is doing well! I just don't know what to do!


Suggestions, advice, ANY HELP would be appreciated.

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You do not tell me your Mom's age. She clearly would qualify for hospice care now, and this would give her better followup and care. Please ask for hospice for your Mom. The bedsores alone could take her into systemic sepsis at any time; she needs more careful monitoring. So sorry. This is sounding like a miserable end of life. There are unfortunately few inpatient hospice facilities as there were in the past; if you could get that it would be best.
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buenobn Jun 2020
My mom is 73 yrs old. After being released back to NH, Pallitive Care is supposed to call to get her enrolled. Being that all this happened late Friday afternoon, nobody is in anywhere. I called to meet with the Administer of the NH but he was gone. I called his business cellphone & left a message that I need a face to face meeting to discuss some important issues...no call back.
I have researched about my TX ombudsmen in my area. Looks like a good place to start I guess. I am leary about reaching out to that kind of group. I had a bad experience years ago w a company I worked for. My new boss was bullying me. I reached to the company's ombudsmen & they secretly was on the bosses side, another story for another time. Come Monday a lot of people might come to despise me. This is my mom & she doesn't deserve to live like this!
Thank you all for your advice💞
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I only read about half of your post. Get her out of that nursing home asap. How negligent. I would consider consult with an elder attorney and report them to Elder Services. Your poor mother. I do not care if they are unstaffed, this is unacceptable and needs to be addressed. Make sure you write a letter to administration at the nursing home, signed and dated and a copy of the ER report. Save a copy for you. Refuse to send her back to that nursing home and speak to Social Service. I just finished the rest of your post and If it was my mother, I would be furious. No excuse. Please update us. I am disgusted with the care of your mother. "On the verge of being neglected", she is severly neglected. DO NOT ALLOW HER TO BE TRANFERRED BACK TO THAT NURSING HOME.
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Other nursing homes exist. The hospital CAN DISCHARGE her to a DIFFERENT nursing home, if that new nursing home agrees. The upcoming patient DISCHARGE, is the time to do it. Talk to the hospital unit's social worker, about DIFFERENTnursing home options. DO NOT ALLOW HER TO BE discharged back into that nursing home.
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shad250 Aug 2020
That's right. The Social worker, will call the current NH tell her she is not coming back and find try to locate another one within a day or 2.
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Please call the following organizations and ask for help ASAP - county social services office, county office for council on aging, local health department, Alzheimer’s support group, family doctor or any elder abuse organization. Hopefully one of these can help before your mother becomes very ill.
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I wish I had read this earlier. Prayers for you and your mom. You can always get extra days at the hospital, by appealing with Medicare her discharge (The hospital has the paperwork). Being a Friday this would of given you a few more days. It generally takes 24-48 hours for them to approve or deny. Medicare covers the inpatient stay during the appeal. We had to do this once. I told the hospital if they were going to discharge mom it had to be before Sunday because the rehab we chose did not accept new admissions on Sunday. The doctor would not let her go home home Saturday afternoon and then tried to release her at 10am Sunday morning. I was so mad when the hospital case worker came in to say she was being released. The CW was the one that said I am not suppose to tell you this but you can appeal. Just call this number. We did the appeal. By the time Medicare got back to us Monday afternoon to tell us it was denied, mom was already at the rehab we chose. Transfer was Monday morning.
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shad250 Aug 2020
Hospital does not want to "run up the bill" to Medicare hence the rush to get her discharged ASAP.
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I agree with Screenedname. Get her out of there and into another facility. My Mom is in a memory care unit right now and she is getting excellent care. The staff is very attentive to her and very patient, as my Mom can be a handful. There ARE good facilities out there.
Also if I were you I would report the nursing home that your Mom is in to your states elder protective services. Gather up all the documentation you can, medical records of her hospitalizations and the like and present that as evidence of abuse. Even if you get your Mom out do that for all the other poor souls who can't get out. I wish you luck and hope you can resolve your Moms situation
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PAH321 Jul 2020
Tryingmybest - I think you said something very important. Even if the OP is able to get her out of that nursing home, I hope she is able to report the abuse for the sake of the other poor souls who are still stuck there and have no one to help them!

I just got Mom out of nursing home hell. I will not go into the details, but I am going to make sure to report this facility with all of the problems clearly detailed with dates and as much information and names as I can possibly provide. I have not gone away and they have not heard the last of me! They will not get away with what happened!

It is so important to do so for the other people that are still stuck there!
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You have spoken to the Nurse Manager & Informed her/him of your concerns. Remember to keep notes of dates/times/convos.
How are you getting this information? Document this as well.

Call the DON again to discuss your complaints and make her give you a time to return your call in 3 days (just an example) and you expect her to call you back with her assessment and plan. Pin them down for accountability. Make a list for your discussion. Make sure you document who and when you’ve called.
You may need to call daily several times a day. Approach them like polite but persistent nuisance. And Don’t take no for an answer.

At the same time call other SNF in your area for bed availability and transfer her. Your local Dept of Aging is a good start for resources. You have the right to do so. It will be easier for you to get mom into another SNF if you have one all lined up and the new center has verified insurance & medical records. Request a copy of your mother’s medical records from her current facility as well for yourself.

Good luck!
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Tryingmybest Jul 2020
Awesome suggestions and info!
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I would I would get her out of there as quickly as possible! I believe nursing homes are being a little more flexible now as new patients are beginning to move into my father's facility! I would research very carefully another facility and make sure you tell them of all your concerns, expectations and past experiences upfront!
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i am so sorry for what you are going through. i was in the same situation. my mom was admitted to the hospital due to low blood sugar and low oxygen. she coded ; she came back after 2 epinephrine. While in the hospital, i was not able to see her. i called and waited for them to call me. Sometimes i waited a whole 8 hours. I was able to facetime for 2mn and see her. My mom has advance dementia. I thought i was going crazy. she was intubated and sedated for days. Doctors told she is too restless to get extubated. I told them several times this is how she is at home. They took so long to extubate and now she got a trach and a peg. I was able to see her after 2 months and she had several wounds( sacral, both hip and others). I guess they didnt expect her to make it. i feel very sorry for the elderly patients who has no one to advocate for them. I called the hospital everyday; i usually dont get updates until 3 days later. i feel your pain. the fact that mom is crying in agony is painful to hear. i cant imagine that. finally i got mom home and i am taking care of her. she is going to need 247 nursing care. Before hospitalization , she was awake and eating.
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shad250 Aug 2020
NH OP's mom is at is probably Severely understaffed. Many had a hard time attracting and keeping employees and the Covid situation has made it worse.
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i think you need to contact a lawyer to let you visit at least. i am in NJ and they have visitor just one from 12pm to 7pm. some hospitals or nursing are pushing for no visitors so you do not see how short they are working. keep fighting for mom. ive contacted the department of health and the cdc too. i was so desperate. hoep you find a solution
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I can relate. My to be mother in-law (Joan) had open heart then went to NH and a month later went back to hospital with staff, UTI, bed sores, and malnutrition . The hospital staff then had NH looked into and gave us suggestions on what to watch for and questions to ask. They told us we would have to put our foot down and demand some things such as seeing wounds each visit, be after them for bathroom assistance, along with some other things. We put her in a different NH and that one was better. They have some good aids and nurses but still not as attentive as we are with her. We have timed them it takes anywhere from 15 minutes to over an hour from the time she hits the call light. I have seen them sit at nurses station on their phones. I asked one aid that is good why they do that and she said because they can one once I asked her to help me with mom in the bathroom and she said I will but I might get into trouble I asked her why and she said they are assigned certain rooms and she could get into trouble because she was not on the list for mom's room. COVID hit and now we see mom a couple days a week through a window and she struggles to use her cell phone so we do not get to talk much and her depression is getting really bad she cries most days and ask us why me locked her away in there. The folks that work there, that I have talked to said all the elderly folks are going down hill fast. We are trying to look at a way to get in home care so we can bring her home but she will need someone 24/7 and we are worried if we do not bring her home she might not make it though this year. I work first shift but also still have a 16 year old to take care of at my place and my boyfriend lives in Joan's house but he works over 50 hours a week on second shift. We know it will be hard but we want her home so we can work with her and maybe at least get her to be able to use a walker again.
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