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I recently moved my elderly parents into a retirement community. This involved moving them out of a large home they had occupied for 43 years and it was filled to the brim with stuff. It was incredibly stressful. I spent countless hours sifting, sorting, throwing and organizing and negotiating with my mother about what to take and not take. She is in good health, my father has dementia. I did most of the work with some help from one brother (there are six of us in total). They are now moved in and settled but only one brother and I have visited them and settled them in. The other brother categorically refuses to have anything to do with the entire situation telling me he is too busy to visit or help. It irritates me to no end that he leaves my parents wondering why he has cut himself off from them. There are loads of family dynamics, hurt feelings, and issues but these are his elderly parents! How he can be so selfish and callous just blows my mind. It hurts me and it hurts them. Any advice is appreciated.

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Thank you! I need to let go and realize that he is an adult and makes his own choices.
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If you look through this site, you'll see thread after thread about this very topic. I'll tell you what I learned and continue to share. Your siblings relationship with your parents is all about them and not you. I used to feel so badly for my mom that my brother did so little. I made myself angry and put on weight because I was SO ticked off at my brother. I finally came to the acceptance that I can only do what is right for me and my mom. I can't make my brother act the way I think he should. When I let those expectations go, I became a much happier person. I did ask my brother to call my mom one day a week, so that I could have a day off. He does that (after forgetting it here and there and me going through one more meltdown with him about it). I'm sure my mom feels badly about his lack of involvement, but that's between them.

And remember, your parents raised your brother, so somewhere, he got a different message about responsibility than you got. That's what I find interesting! My brother and I grew up in the same house, but our sense of responsibility to our parents has been much different. I'm happy I'm the person that I am.
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Thanks for responding. They have been there for about 5 weeks and fairly well settled. Its independent living, so I am still more or less taking care of them. This was the best move for them and I was super surprised when they suggested it. We never, ever thought they would leave their home. Two of my siblings live far away and do the best they can. One lives closer but is still a good hour away and helps when possible. That leaves three that are right here. Two help and one doesn't. I haven't said anything to the sib who refuses to help, because I am afraid of WWIII. It just breaks my heart to see my parents sad about this situation. But I know I can't force anyone to care more or contribute more. Its on their conscious, not mine.
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Maybe your siblings feel you have everything under control, so why should they help, maybe they feel that they would only get in the way.

How recently did you move your folks into a retirement community, and bravo for you for helping them do that.... too many times our parents want to keep living in a house that is too overwhelming for them to maintain, and too overwhelming for us to help them with the house. Good for you :)

I have read on these forum here on this website that it is best to give one's parent(s) a month or so to settle into their new home. Then the family can come to visit. As you know, not everyone in the family will think alike for whatever past or current reason. Just keep offering the olive branch to those siblings who haven't visited, try not to scold even though you want to do that.
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