Siblings plotting behind the scenes, does the majority rule?

Let me give you a note of warning. I was in a similar situation. When you alienate your siblings, they will leave you with ALL the care of your parents. They may call the parents or come visit occasionally but YOU will be left to handle their care. Think wisely before you take on this responsibility. All you have to do is read the many accounts on this website of this happening. If you have siblings that want to help and are fairly trustworthy, I would say hand it over - or be ready to give up you life.

As long as one of your parents is mentally compentent then that is the one who makes decisions. Make sure your POA is airtight notorized by stranger so no sign of collusion. The fact that you are in control doesn't preclude a very expensive legal battle with siblings. You want to nip this in the bud. Lawyers are expensive. Can your father call a meeting and explain his wishes to the family? Film this so there are no questions later. Can you take your father to an elder attorney and get his wishes for the house, their upkeep, etc written by the lawyer, that will hold up in court. Anything that stops a future lawsuit is in your best interest. Step back and objectively see how your actions will look in court when your parents have passed, and can't vouch for your honesty and integrity. You want irrefuteable proof; you did their wishes. After this firewall, the judge will throw any action by your siblings out of court, if they can convince a lawyer to take the case in the first place.

Don't think it doesn't happen. My friend, one of the kindest, most honest, gentlest woman , an old fashioned lady, took care of her wheelchair bound mother with no help from either the brother or sister. For two years she did everything for this woman, paid all expenses, made her mother happy in her final days. The 24/7/365 kind of care well known on this sight. Her mother gave her son a gift of $100,000.00 to buy a house. The mother's desire to help a beloved grandson. When she died my friend was in court defending this. The millionaire sister was determined to get that money. The sister who never visited, never helped in any way won. It cost my friend her $200,000.00 inheritience to defend the lawsuit. If her mother had documented her wishes, it never would have gone to court. Without that documentation it looked like the my friend and her son stole it. Protect yourself.

Is your co-worker a notary? Otherwise, it sounds to me as if your friend "witnessed" the DPOA rather than "notarizing" it. A notary has an official seal, or stamp, which he or she stamps on the bottom of the document. Some use rubber stamps and an ink pad, others have a little tool that embosses their seal on the paper. Just be sure you've got the right thing there.

You need to get a Durable Power of Attorney for both of your parents for both property and health. I'm not sure that a friend can "notarize" it, that sounds fishy to me. I thought it had to be a notary public. You seem pretty sure of that fact, so I could be wrong.

If you have siblings who have a different idea for what should happen to your parents, it would be smart of you to have an attorney draw up the proper paperwork and have it notarized through them, because it might wind up being contested in court.

If your mom has a traumatic brain injury and is no longer able to make good decisions, you or your father may need to start guardianship paperwork as well. Don't take the cheap route and wind up regretting it later if you wind up in court with your siblings over your parents' estate. I have no idea how big their estate will be, but it seems that usually brings out the worst in sibling behavior.

If your father is still of sound mind, even if he requires assistance, he is still in charge of the decision making...good or bad. He is the living spouse and I assume that your POA does not get invoked unless both parents are incapacitated such that they can no longer make decisions. Your father would have to give his permission for you to make decisions on his behalf.

So, no, your sibs can't overrule unless dad is agreeable to selling and moving. Further, when the time comes and your dad is not mentally competent to make decisions and there is a doctor verification that this is the case; then your POA (provided it is medical + financial) is invoked and you hold the cards to make final decisions on your parents behalf including using their financial assets to provide for their care and well being.

That said, consider all angles and what is best. Honoring parents wishes to stay in the home may or may not be the best solution. In home care is great cause they remain in their home, but it has its shortcomings too. It is expensive, far more expensive (if 24/7) then a AL facility depending on your care needs. An in home CNA might not be able to give meds unless they are metered out in advance...make sure you use reputable agency, check the fine print, check references. Can both your parents still navigate in their home, will your mom need modifications to baths, steps, etc. transportation.

Just some thoughts. Maybe suggest to sibs you try in home care for 1 yr and then reevaluate for the future and work on parents in the meantime to prepare them to move after the year. That may help them and you mentally prepare while compromising with sibs and keeping the peace.

...legally you are the one in charge then! Depending how it is set up, you may have to "activate" the DPOA, you may need some evidence of the person's incapacity, such as doctor's statements, before you actually act as POA. Have you already taken over paying bills? Is the medical (HIPAA) POA set up properly? There should not be a court battle, and you may or may not ever have to get a guardianship (properly done POAs are meant to avoid that) but a visit with an eldercare attorney or at least a good estate planner to make sure things are set up corectly and advice on any next steps to take could make sense.

On the other hand, there may be something to the other sibling's opinions; it could be they are not aware of how much help is actually available, or it could be they are fearful of more drama and trauma and want to feel things are safe and settled.
They aren't necessarily being evil, though we sure get our share of "evil sibling" stories on here!

They can't do squat without your approval, UsaP. Bottom line. Don't sweat them, or their evil plots.. ...it won't get them anywhere...

thanks for your response.....yes, it was notarized by a co-worker, i did research already that a friend can notarize just as long as they have nothing to gain which is the case here.....so they cannot pull the "majority rules" tactic??

If your POA was notarized or signed by an attorney it's legal and your siblings can't just sell the house without your parents or or your signature. As far as your siblings working against you, try your best to get them to understand your parents wishes. A family mediator is often a middle point between doing nothing and legal action. You could check social services to see if they can recommend one. This impartial person can often bring peace to family chaos.

Good luck. You sound very caring,
Carol