When you have abusive parents, should siblings guilt each other over taking care of them? What is a reasonable way to decide ways and means. I've noticed that many people are trying to do it all themselves and are drowing. But what about the situation where one sibling wants Mom at home, and another says "she needs to be in assisted living, not under our roofs! Let's figure a cost and I'll be happy to pay my share and stay at a distance." My doctor warned me never to visit for any length of time, and never alone (believe it or not) for the sake of my mental health. Me: "But they're old!" Him: "So what!" I could not get my mind around this, for religious reasons. So, I talked to my pastor, who is a moral theologian. Told him that I needed a honest description of my duties to my parents (don't spare my feelings). He told me that a child's responsibility is to help their parents if they fall into destitution. It was perfectly moral for me to take the doctor's advice and never see my parents again. (They had money.)
I can't stress how grateful I am for this advice - otherwise I shudder and shake at what would have happened to me if I had fallen for the "conventional you owe your parents." What I'm trying to say is that, in any type of abusive history," be fair to siblings - at least in some cases they want to keep their distance for perfectly valid reasons. Of course, it financial help is needed, then all the kids have some obligations, but in terms of personal contact, don't fall for a parent who tries to use one sib against another. Nothing wrong with keeping distance. And it Mom or Dad tries to guilt you, just remember "what you sow, so shall you reap."