Siblings are taking things bequeathed to others. Is this legal?

OK. You are right. I've come so close to reporting all of this so many times and then back off. My Dad was such a peace-loving man and I keep thinking he would not want me to file charges on members of our family. Yet, as I've said before, in not doing so they have become more bold in taking whatever they see and want. As Mom's co-guardian, I do have to make a yearly report to the court and I had decided to put everything down. I wonder if anyone truly reads those reports. I'm also going to send a copy of this report to Adults Protective Services. I have spoken to attorneys and they have advised me that there is little chance of me ever seeing the items taken, but we might be able to stop them from taking anything else and either returning the items or suing them for the monetary value. How do you place monetary value on your great grandmothers wedding band and all of the family pictures? Each attorney has been willing to take my case, but want a substantial retainer. Others have told me to be cautious in involving an attorney because many of them, if they know there is substantial money and assets, will milk me of every cent they can yet change the circumstances very little if they don't make them worse. I've been told the court, upon realizing my sister and I cannot work together, may appoint a guardian and this person will be paid a monthly fee by the estate. If Mom lives a few years, the amount paid out could be huge. I wrestle with what Dad would want me to do, what is in the best welfare for my mother, and what my legal obligations are. I know the time to make a decision is here, but it isn't easy and continues to have me tied up in knots..

By not reporting them for almost a year now you have been enabling them in their wrong behavior.

How are your siblings going to milk you for every cent being that you are co-guardian and they have not right to the money currently?

I think instead of getting all sorts of advice from friends that you need to sit down and talk with a real lawyer about this.

Lisa I'm sure your father would turn in his grave at the thought of your being forced to file charges; but the trouble is that your family is not taking this seriously enough and you need to concentrate their minds. It isn't a civil matter, it's a criminal one, which is to say that this isn't a matter of your suing other members of your family for damages or compensation on your mother's behalf but instead, as you say, of their facing criminal charges. I also share the general wariness of attorneys, especially the ones who lick their chops at the thought of a nice juicy trust to get their teeth into; and I suspect that you are correct to believe that the court would throw up its hands in despair and turn the whole thing over to their own appointed official.

Do you know any policemen? Have you ever had any dealings with your local police service? I ask, because one solution that occurs to me would be to discuss this situation hypothetically with someone who can give you professional guidance; then to write in formal terms to your sister, copying in the rest of the family, spelling out the implications of what has taken place and what charges would apply. This would be, then, an ultimatum: cease removing property, return what has been stolen, or you turn this over to the police to pursue. Your sister has been taking the p*ss, frankly, because she has believed that you would allow her to get away with it. Warn her now, credibly, that she is wrong.

After letting your sister get by with this illegal action for almost a year, I think the time for warning is over and is time to act like filing a police report. This is more than a family matter and it might help to stop looking at it that way, but view it as a legal and business matter and part of your legal responsibility as a co-guardian. From a legal and guardian perspective, I believe your mother needs protecting and you have the legal authority to do that protecting by reporting this. Anyway, that is my opinion.

Dear Lisa - I read your 'thought for the day' and tend to agree with you. As your sibling has rec'd a copy of the Will and knows that what she is taking was bequeathed to another; the court could very well construe this as contesting the Will. However, as you are finding out; lawyers and courts are costly, time consuming and very stressful. You are also correct in your finding that lawyers (not all - but it's been my experience that most) will assess the value of the case and drag it out for as long as there is money to be made.

I'm wondering what your sister would do if you mention to her that your mom may have to go onto Medicaid and the state will scrutinize the Will, bank accts. and other assets. When they determine that she has taken things illegally, her bank accounts could be frozen and the matter given to the state District Attorney's office to handle as a criminal matter.

Should this happen - it would be out of your hands and she'd be in some very serious trouble.

Your family members have presumed on your unwillingness to take legal action against them. But they are hurting the person you are legally responsible for and it is on your shoulders to make it stop. It is a heavy burden, no doubt, but you are the only one who can do it...you will not be the one who failed to "keep the peace," they are! Sorry this is happening, and praying you are given the strength and courage to do what needs done, or can delegate to someone else who can be the bad cop in an impartial manner. Tough spot to be in, but the right thing is not just to let this keep happening.