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She is almost 85, and unreasonable. She gets angry quickly, occasionally becomes violent, and makes unreasonable demands on us. We believe she is living in the past (about 65 years ago). Hallucinates/thinks someone is living inside the wall, spying on her. She has been known to wander, and now she is demanding to get a one-way flight ticket to Puerto Rico, and has not contacted anyone there. All her family over there has died. What can we do?

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Rita you cannot let her go on a plane to anywhere and certainly not alone. She is not stable enough...what if she were to attack someone she thought might be spying on her on the plane? And what is she going to do where will she go when she gets there .....no no no not feasible. She needs to be assessed and placed in assisted living at the very least. Have the hallucinations been going on a while? If they have just started it could be an infection but it could be a myriad of things including but not limited to Lewy Body dementia
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Brother was very irresponsible to buy her that ticket. Unreasonable and even dangerous demands are common; dementia entails loss of reasoning ability, which is why a person with dementia needs someone to make those kinds of decisions for them and redirect and distract them. You may have to consult an eldercare attorney and get guardianship.
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Rita, she needs to be evaluated by a physician, preferably one who specializes in geriatrics, dementia or mental disorders. I had a "crazy aunt" who lived alone until she started telling anyone who would listen that people were walking through her walls, coming into her home and making horrible messes, she'd call 911 to report that the FBI had broken into her home, coming through the walls, etc. Finally her son drove halfway across the country and got her to go to his house with him "on a vacation." Once there she took to carrying a butcher knife around the house, convinced that her DIL of 30 years was trying to kill her. Eventually they got her to a doc who prescribed anti-psychotic drugs to her and she turned into a completely different person, very sweet and docile and nice to be around. It wasn't easy, but get your mom some help before she really gets hurt or does something amazingly stupid.
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I have found the hardest thing for me to handle with mom's dementia is that she cannot be reasoned with. She once told me I treated her as a child and I told her it was because she acted like one sometime. When she gets stubborn and refuses to do something I remind myself she is a child and I must be patient. I've had her for 3 yrs now and I'm learning a lot and I hope to make arrangements so my children don't have to go thru this with me. Some days I want to cry and some days I hear other peoples stories and realize I don't have it so Rita, I hope you get the help your mother and you need soon.
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Rita, your brother is a full blown idiot. Notify the family there in PR that she is enroute, and as long as she gets there safe, leave it at that. You will be hearing from her or the authorities soon enough.
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Is mom living with you? It sounds like she should be in memory care. The wandering thing is pretty serious dementia. What is her financial situation, and would she qualify for Medicaid?
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Is your mom being treated with an anti-anxiety medication? If not, that might help her settle down a bit.
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Have you watched any videos (free, online) by Teepa Snow? If not, start watching. You don't have to reinvent the wheel. Your Mom is one of millions who act this way because of how her brain is. You and your siblings need to start learning fast.
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See her doctor alone, with a good typed-up list of what is going on. Doc will most likely get her on good meds for the hallucinations and paranoia. That is psychotic behavior and needs to be treated. DON'T let her get on a plane alone! She is not going to find what she is looking for: her old home and life. If problems persist, get her into a Memory Care facility. I am determined that my children not go through with me what I have gone through with my dad. It was Hell.
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Rita, let your brilliant brother find her family. Don't enable his irresponsible actions. Let him deal with the situation he created by kowtowing to your mother's demands.
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