My Mom suffers from dementia, depression and is very angry. My siblings and I need help with her. Advice?

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She is almost 85, and unreasonable. She gets angry quickly, occasionally becomes violent, and makes unreasonable demands on us. We believe she is living in the past (about 65 years ago). Hallucinates/thinks someone is living inside the wall, spying on her. She has been known to wander, and now she is demanding to get a one-way flight ticket to Puerto Rico, and has not contacted anyone there. All her family over there has died. What can we do?

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Thank you, ArmyRetired. I appreciate your understanding.
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Rita I am glad your mother turned up safe! But I have an awful feeling that when cousin Jimmy has had enought she will still be at the AP kicking and screaming... But hopefully she will settle down and they will be able to keep her where she happy, and you can go and have a peaceful visit in the future.
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Rita, you have done all that you can for now. Some people fail to realize you cannot legally force a person to go any where against their will unless they are declared legally incompetent. Hopefully, the nephew can get your mother to a doctor and get her evaluated and then go on from there.
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How do we get her into the airport behaving this way?
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Ok-fly to P.R. and get her...um- how do we bring back our screaming, biting, spitting, cursing, kicking, punching, scratching mother here to get evaluated, and put in a home?
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Finally, YES, our cousin Jimmy has our phone number and can call us whenever he needs to. Which-I feel- will be soon.
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I'm glad she made it there safely!!!!!My heart aches reading this post...It frightens the *rap out of me...So many things could go wrong..She will wear out her welcome in PR and she's not their responsibility.

Please go get your Mom and fly back with her..Take her to her Dr and have her evaluted...She needs your help more now than ever...

Please keep us updated..Good luck dealing with this difficult decision...
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Yes, our mother is behaving like a spoiled child and believe me when I say that she has ALWAYS been this way. Strong-willed, obstinate, demanding, manipulating , as well as abusive to us all since childhood.
We know her health is failing, but just what exactly do you want us to do? None of us can afford to properly care for her. We cannot force her. So, instead of arguing the point that she is not well, tell us something we do not know. We do not find it difficult to let go of being her child. We know the dangers, but nobody has the solution here. There have also been many times when we each told he flat out- NO! We have taken the time to explain to her why we tell her No. So you see, we do not always give in to her tantrums, etc. Now she/our mother is over there in P.R., with her nephews and nieces, trying to find a place for her to live. YES, they have noticed her problem. Believe me when I state that she has no other option or anyplace to go, except back here/to us. She has literally been removed from homes of relatives due to her behavior, etc. TWICE! She has run out of options and no place to go but to return here. To US. Yes, we are aware that we may run into problems with the authorities because of her. WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO? I will talk to my father on this matter. He and his siblings had to care for our grandmother. His and their mother until death. His input will be of help to me.
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We, the caregiver ...Must be brave !!! It's unimaginable ... if I gave into every thing my father demanded I do ...He yells ,he threatens...he says hurtful mean things. It's tough..but I compare it to as if I gave into my toddler wanting to run out in the street. ! It's important we read all the info available on this site...Please...It's precious...just as our parents are. They are failing ...and it's difficult to let go of being their child...but I know...I'm the adult now. Blessings to all.
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Rita62, so glad to hear your mom is safe and you have heard from family concerning her. When mom first moved in with me I often commented HER attitude was she would always be the mother and I would always be the daughter. After awhile I realized that was also MY attitude....I would always be the daughter...and it dawned on me that she was no longer capable of making her own decisions and I had to become the mother! I hope when the time comes you can step up to that responsibility. It's not easy and boy, does guilt come with it but there doesn't seem to be any other answer. Good luck.
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