Sibling trying to move Mom out of AL. Can he legally do this?

The NH will not let it happen because he does not have PoA. Relax.

I also have a brother who doesn’t want mom in assisted living. I was searching for places near us for her to go after living in my house with her a month. She fell twice with injuries can’t stand or walk too long and has had bathroom accidents on a few occasions. He took her from my house and now he and his girlfriend are caring for her. I don’t think they can do it. I couldn’t. Maybe that’s what it’s going to take for them (our brothers) to see mom needs 24 hours help. My mom doesn’t want to go to assisted living or any nursing home. She cries every time it’s mentioned. Hopefully my brother will see it’s what she needs. I know what you’re going through.

Brother is jumping the gun, for sure.

Has he ever cared for her over any length of time--and I don't mean during a family dinner? He's in for a rude shock and I bet his wife isn't any too thrilled.

I'd let this simmer and not bring it up. It will probably blow over, don't stir this pot.

30 days isn't long enough to be acclimated to a new surrounding. Maybe you sibs all need to meet and talk and be on the same page per mom's care. ONE 'wildcard' can wreck the whole plan. In our case, the 'wildcard' moved mom in with him and 23 years later greatly regrets it.

30 days is not long enough for your mom to get comfortable with the assisted living situation. If the caregivers there know she is thinking to leave they may step up their efforts to keep her happy and involved. Moving to your bother's home would most likely not be permanent, especially if there is not care for her there. It would be so disruptive and bad for your mom to make the move.

Well, since the brother won't communicate with me or my sis with the POA, we are guessing that he figured out he couldn't handle Mom's needs at his home. The next tactic he has taken is to blame my POA sis with putting her in assisted living so Mom is now attacking her. We are at the point if he wants to move her home, have at it, but we will not be assisting him. It seems harsh but don't know what else to do. I have heard it takes 3-6 months for residents to adjust to their new surroundings?? Really don't want to start over with this process for Mom. Thanks for all the responses, it helps to know there are others trying to muddle through this stage of life too!

I’d sit tight and wait and see what happens. You say that mother “did not want to live with any of her 7 children”, but she may have changed her mind after this experience. Brother may be making soothing noises while she settles in. Or he may be right! If she was at entry level for AL, she may get on OK with life with brother. Or brother may find that it doesn’t work out OK for him and his wife. Of so, he’ll have to cope with reversing everything.

You think that AL was the right move, but trying to upset things now could create a lot of anger. As you don’t have POA, you are better off letting mother call the shots, at least for a while.

If your Mom is mentally competent, yes, she can make the decision to move in with her son. Whether this is a wise decision or not isn't really the question; only her competency to make her own decision matters in this matter. A DPOA acts for a person in the persons behalf as the person directs the activity if the person is competent, and acts for a person who is diagnosed as incompetent in what the POA believes is the "best interest". So this comes down to competency question pure and simple.

The sister with DPoA is the one who gets to legally make this decision, which would need to be in your mom's best interests. "Durable" usually means it doesn't require a formal diagnosis of incapacity. Sister should check the language in her PoA paperwork to confirm this.

What does your sister the DPoA think about moving her? If she is authorizing it, then it stands. If I were in you shoes I'd make it clear that I'm not coming to help with Mom at all. Vote with your actions. They'll find out soon enough that it was a mistake.

I do agree with BarbBrooklyn who suggested that unless you hear this news directly from your sister or brother, it may be imagined by your mom, notes or no notes.

Notes could be real or imagined too.

Did you hear this from your brother homself? Or from mom?

I hope so! He has rarely visited her until 2 weeks before she moved and now he wants to get involved but only if it's his way! Just don't believe it would be best for my mom

Maybe. Even if mom has been declared incompetent, she still has power to decide where she lives. The only thing that could stop her leaving is if sis has guardianship.

Hopefully bro was just saying what mom wanted to hear. Pacifying her for the moment.