Sibling told doctors I was neglecting my mom as caregiver. How do I defend myself?

Getting APS involved may have been your sister's tactic for getting someone else to be the BAD GUY to tell mom she can't be on her own any longer.

I'm curious what happened...you were ill yourself and couldn't get over to mom's? And she fell (which can happen anywhere), but because no one was around, she was on the floor for a while? And mom doesn't know how to work the heat anymore, because she has dementia.

Look, no one person can take care of a dementia patient, especially not from another household. Your mom can't live alone any longer, but you're still letting her drive the bus.

Try to make peace with your sister. And with APS.

First, listen to Babalou. Her advice is right on.

Second, without a DPOA, your sister should not be finding out from the bank about your mom's finances or have the authority to sell the house.

In light of all of this, I'd say that you need to see a lawyer. All this makes me wonder if your mother has been encouraged by your sister to make her the DPOA and the Medical POA over her?

If she has had dementia for 6 years then you would definitely challenge the authenticity of any change in DPOA

If ur Mom has Dementia/Alzheimers and its documented that she can't make decisions the POA cannot be revolked by her. She is not able to make the decision to change it. First, I would want to know why your sister did this. I would also talk to APS to see where u stand. People fall. No matter what u do to try and prevent it, it happens. I would want to get APS out of the way first. Second, take a break. If ur sister wants the responsibility, let her have it. She will find soon enough that taking care of a 92 yr old is not easy. I agre that an AL is a good option because ur Mom is only going to get worse.

Why was your mom in the hospital ?

Can you discuss with social worker involved in her discharge ?

Are you the sole beneficiary of your mom's estate ? Is your mom competent to change her POA ?

I would think if you've been caregiver for 6 years and have taken her to doctor appointments then you would be able to argue your case to APS however if your mom is in her own house alone at 92 and has dementia and needs 24 hour care then that might be a problem

Why do you think that assisted living isn't the right move for a 92 yo whose had dementia for 6 years?

Natalia, maybe mom would LIKE assisted living, lots of company her age, three meals a day and heat or cooling is always on. You can visit her any time you like. It might be a good move.

Anoni, my GF and I just had this discussion. She works as a hairdresser at a local AL. She was talking about how they had doped up one of her clients to the point she couldn't keep her head up. The reason, she was hitting people. This becomes a danger to other residents and the staff. We can see why the med is used but not why they are given so much they can't function. The only way these drugs can be given is if the facilities Dr. prescribes it. The residents have legal rights.

Several years ago - before my father passed - my 2 sisters made a surprise visit to see if they could catch me not taking care of our parents. I'm the oldest of their union and the one sister is from our father's first marriage. I was furious but didn't make a scene or blurt anything out. My younger sister sat with Pop and quizzed him as to his needs - he wasn't speaking clearly and he was upset because the older sister was sitting with Mom and literally verbally attacking her about medical insurance, etc. Pop has always been very protective of Mom and that upset him so much that it took me a good 3 days to get him settled down so we (myself, hospice & visiting Dr.s) could take care of him. I moved into their home after I retired and a friend of mine who also was retired had agreed to "house sit" for me during the interim. He takes care of my horses during the winter as well as the other little critters who need assistance throughout the year. About 2 weeks after they left I received a phone call from APS (Adult Protective Services) and we had a very interesting discussion. I explained that my sisters had no legal rights to the care of our parents, my parents gave me DPOA as well as their medical for their care so I could keep things going on an even keel. I invited APS out for an inspection, told them I had hospice and a visiting dr. group who were here almost every day and came immediately as they could if I needed any assistance. I administered all meds and my father was diabetic - I did the tests and gave the insulin shots. I also kept meticulous records my own along with hospice. APS turned me down on a visit and told me that APS works both ways and if my sisters kept bothering me about the folks care and the property that I was to file a complaint with them. Thank goodness I never had to. It has been 2 years now since my father passed and I'm still here with Mom who has developed Dementia/Alz. Very different from taking care of Pop - I'm not sure how much longer I can last in this situation since my 2 siblings (brother and sister) do not care for Mom at all. Brother hasn't contacted her since Pop died and my sister thinks I'm stealing Mom blind so made a quasi-sneaky visit a few weeks ago and started pulling her nonsense again. My lawyer has said to not engage her at all. From her emails after she got back home it is apparent she had absolutely no clue as to what is involved with taking care of person with Dementia/Alz - she thinks she does because she has had some experience with her friends parents, but the day in and day out care - that is a whole different story. I'm looking for the next step because I don't want to lose my own sanity from being so overwhelmed. If it were not for my friends, hospice, etc. . . . . . . . .