I completely understand how you feel. My older sib had DPOA for almost ten years when I found out he had charged over $50k in credit card debt to my mom. I found out when he had too much to drink one night and called another sib and mentioned he had "a" credit card in her name. That prompted me to check her credit report. He had been making the payments on these cards, but once I found out and told him to use his savings to pay off this debt, he had my mom sign paperwork for bankruptcy! She has dementia and didn't understand why she had to file for bankruptcy. I was torn between protecting my mom and losing my brother. I chose to lose my brother. He still will not own his wrongdoing...he's 13 yrs older, well educated, but still doesn't get it. I looked into her checking account also, and he had added his name to "help" her with bills, which he did pay her bills, but he also wrote checks for cash and no receipts to show what he used the money for. It's just disgusting to me. Although he was her DPOA for almost 10 yrs., he did the least for her. I lived closer to my mom for a couple of years and helped her with med appointments, yard work, etc. Then I moved 6-7 hrs away and continued to do the same things for her. What made it worse for me was that he was abusing her and still not doing anything to help her. Long story short, I explained to her that my brother was not good with money and she added me to the DPOA as a "checks and balances".. He was furious and continues to not have dialogue with me over it. (too bad.) I also filed paperwork to become her payee representative for her pension check and social security checks. Again, he is furious about this too. My mom always cashed her social security check and saved most of it for emergencies. I found out he was having her bring her cash to him when my sister took her to his home (3 hrs away) for a visit. He was telling her he was putting it into her account to save. I lost a brother, but I gained self worth by doing the right thing and protecting the woman who always tried to protect me. I can live with myself when she's gone, and he will be left with emptiness.
Your sister has guardianship? As appointed by a court? Then I assume, no, you can't act on your mother's behalf even if she wants you to, without going to court again.
I take it that you were notified and participated in the court proceedings? I can understand how an elder might be "tricked" into assigning a POA, but I'm having a little harder time understanding how the court got tricked into appointing your sister guardian. Hmm ...
Guardians have legal obligations. If you think the obligations are not being fulfilled you can try to get the guardianship dismissed. Your best bet, I would think, would be to retain an attorney for this.
The thing I would be most curious about, before I'd hire a lawyer, is what is your sister's explanation of the missing stock? What does she say is happening with that $400/month that you think should be going into savings?
Honestly Caregiver: I don't know the answer. Yes, she could probably do that with a POA, but a guardianship seems like it would be more complicated. You need to speak to an elder attorney.
My mom pays a couple hundred dollars of her SS check to be applied to rent, which includes food and utilites. She has a secondary ins premium every month, meds, and misc. hyg items. She should have approximately 400 left from her SS medicare check each month, that is suppose to be going into her savings. However, it is going to sib account for their bills. A very large credit card bill that my mom did not know was being used. See my mom doesnt get to see her mail, statements, checks have been taken away, she is never taken anywhere, except for doctors, or when I take her places. If she has POA and guardianship. Cant I just take mom to stop it, and/or have a new POA and guadianship draw up.
Caregiver24u: It sounds like you have discussed this with your mom and she has told you that she has no knowledge of what your sib has done and that she didn't approve it. Since you have received information from the credit card company, can you ask that they give you information regarding all of the charges that have been made?
Can you tell us how you came to be contacted by the credit card company and the stock company?
You have a few options:
(1) You can talk to APS and trust that they will investigate and if they find your concerns substantiated, hope that they will allow you be be your mom's POA. Sometimes APS can pursue an independent court appointed guardian and that can be difficult as you will have no say in future decisions concerning your mom. I'm not saying that will happen, but it has in some situations so it's something to think about.
(2) You can contact an elder attorney and present the information that you have and get a clear understanding of what action can be taken.
(3) You can talk to your sister and ask for an explanation. If she refuses to give you the appropriate answers you can tell her that you will pursue legal action. My concern with this approach is that it could put your mom in a position where you sis might pressure your mom to back her up.
You are in a difficult situation. I don't know how sound of mind your mother is, but if your sister is acting inappropriately with her funds, it shouldn't matter. However, your sister can always say that your mom told her it was ok to do whatever. Still, I think someone who is acting as a Guardian has an obligation to not misuse your mom's funds, so her state of mind should not be an issue.
Some of the things you didn't mention about your mom's income are basics like food, a contribution to utilities or outings, travel that your sis may take her on. Nevertheless, from what you have stated, running up a credit card and not paying on it for a year is not a good sign. Liquidating your mom's assets is a worry too.
This has started coming out after Christmas, and majority of it in the last couple months. I don't know what to do, Mom wants me to stop everything, but I keep telling her unless she goes with me I have no power to stop it.
1. I have received confirmation from credit card company of large debit with no payment for 1 year, also received confirmation of stock cashed last year and this year. (just found out about all this) 2. Medicare SS monthly income pays rent, hyg needs, meds and secondary ins. remaining amt of several hundred dollars is suppose to go into moms savings, but is going into sib checking for personal use stock - I have no idea why her stock was cashed except for financial problems sib is having. Mom had no knowledge of stock being cashed in. sib tricked and obtained a POA and Guardianship. 4. She does it primarily, however, I have her almost every weekend and when sib travels for weeks then I have her everyday. But she lives at sib house. MOM has not agreed to any of this, nor had knowledge as she doesnt get to see anything. mail, bills, money...
Lots of questions here. 1. How do you "know" that this is what is happening? 2. What is your sib doing with the remaining monthly income? Taking Mom on pleasant outings? Spending it out himself/herself? What is it "reamining" from -- after her rent, etc.? 3. Cashed in stocks for what purpose? To buy Mom a more comfortable bed? To pre-pay funeral expenses? To buy a care for himself/herself? 4. Does the sib with the POA do substantial hands-on caregiving tasks as well as manage the money? Has Mother agreed to a payment for these services?
I think we'd need to know a little more about the situation to make suggestions for what to do.
I take it that you were notified and participated in the court proceedings? I can understand how an elder might be "tricked" into assigning a POA, but I'm having a little harder time understanding how the court got tricked into appointing your sister guardian. Hmm ...
Guardians have legal obligations. If you think the obligations are not being fulfilled you can try to get the guardianship dismissed. Your best bet, I would think, would be to retain an attorney for this.
The thing I would be most curious about, before I'd hire a lawyer, is what is your sister's explanation of the missing stock? What does she say is happening with that $400/month that you think should be going into savings?
Can you tell us how you came to be contacted by the credit card company and the stock company?
You have a few options:
(1) You can talk to APS and trust that they will investigate and if they find your concerns substantiated, hope that they will allow you be be your mom's POA. Sometimes APS can pursue an independent court appointed guardian and that can be difficult as you will have no say in future decisions concerning your mom. I'm not saying that will happen, but it has in some situations so it's something to think about.
(2) You can contact an elder attorney and present the information that you have and get a clear understanding of what action can be taken.
(3) You can talk to your sister and ask for an explanation. If she refuses to give you the appropriate answers you can tell her that you will pursue legal action. My concern with this approach is that it could put your mom in a position where you sis might pressure your mom to back her up.
You are in a difficult situation. I don't know how sound of mind your mother is, but if your sister is acting inappropriately with her funds, it shouldn't matter. However, your sister can always say that your mom told her it was ok to do whatever. Still, I think someone who is acting as a Guardian has an obligation to not misuse your mom's funds, so her state of mind should not be an issue.
Some of the things you didn't mention about your mom's income are basics like food, a contribution to utilities or outings, travel that your sis may take her on. Nevertheless, from what you have stated, running up a credit card and not paying on it for a year is not a good sign. Liquidating your mom's assets is a worry too.
Good luck and keep us posted.
2. Medicare SS monthly income pays rent, hyg needs, meds and secondary ins. remaining amt of several hundred dollars is suppose to go into moms savings, but is going into sib checking for personal use
stock - I have no idea why her stock was cashed except for financial problems sib is having. Mom had no knowledge of stock being cashed in. sib tricked and obtained a POA and Guardianship.
4. She does it primarily, however, I have her almost every weekend and when sib travels for weeks then I have her everyday. But she lives at sib house.
MOM has not agreed to any of this, nor had knowledge as she doesnt get to see anything. mail, bills, money...
1. How do you "know" that this is what is happening?
2. What is your sib doing with the remaining monthly income? Taking Mom on pleasant outings? Spending it out himself/herself? What is it "reamining" from -- after her rent, etc.?
3. Cashed in stocks for what purpose? To buy Mom a more comfortable bed? To pre-pay funeral expenses? To buy a care for himself/herself?
4. Does the sib with the POA do substantial hands-on caregiving tasks as well as manage the money? Has Mother agreed to a payment for these services?
I think we'd need to know a little more about the situation to make suggestions for what to do.