I have always been the one to look after my mum as her health deteriorated. My brother and sister did not support me when I needed them. They did not want to be POA so I said I would. Sadly, my mum has had a severe stroke and it is needed she has full time care. Long and short, mum needs full time care, after a lot of discussion with my partner we decided that we will move in with my mum who prior to her stroke sold her house and bought a bungalow by the coast. It was a big decision, I have a 2 year old and worried about how this could possibly effect her. Anyway, my elder sister has now told me that she has decided that our mother would be left out if we moved with her. She has decided she will stay with mum Monday to Friday and my brother will drive down every weekend. I think they are now worried about I am POA and I am using this to my advantage. Ive said OK that is fine but I am heartbroken they think that little of me. I also worry that they won't provide the quality of life my mum needs and loves. She has always been very out going and loves company. My sister works nights and my brother has a baby on the way. I can't be arguing about all this and have taken a step back. One part of me feels like fine get on with it, they both now have to uphold this. I can now go on holiday, be free to do as I please without having to put mum first but the other part of me thinks, they can't give mum the life we would have, be around a toddler who adores her, eating out, bbq's, going to church living a full life. Ive withdrawn from it all now other than the legal side, signing paper work and dealing with solicitors. Is that right or should I be saying no I am taking control? It's not in my nature to do so .. so confused and hurt

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Questions first:

When did your mother have her stroke?
Where is she right now, still in hospital, intermediate care, nursing home or what?
When do you expect your mother to be going home?

Your responsibilities: what kind of LPA, and what specifics did your mother lay out in it? It strikes me that none of you children is bearing in mind that it was for your mother to choose whom she wanted to act for her: and she chose you. Is the LPA now registered?

If the LPA is for Health & Welfare, and it is registered, then you cannot abdicate decisions to be made about your mother's health and welfare to your siblings. Besides: I give this idea of sister and brother working a relay of care three months at the outside before it goes spectacularly belly-up.

It sounds as if there is still a lot of thinking and figuring out to do, but don't worry - plans are never set in stone and they're not finalised in a day. Are you getting any advice and support from your mother's stroke team, and/or her local Adult Social Care?
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PS Do not move into a bungalow with your disabled mother, your hesitant partner, and a two year old. Especially not during lockdown. You will be a sorry, sorry bunny.
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