Should we get/find an elder law attorney?

Lostinthemix, I think every adult should have a Will and a Power of Attorney. When I was in my 40's I had same prepared.

Once I was in my late 60's, "Elder Law Attorneys" were starting to show up on the horizon, as prior I never heard of the specialty. I quickly got an appointment where I got a new Will, new dual POA's, Medical Directive, and a Revocable Trust.

My parents were in their 90's, and their Will and POA were older than dirt. Since State laws do change, it was a relief for my parents to have had something more current.

I would. Getting the correct paperwork in order is important for everyone. Setting up a trust can cost four or five times more if you do it in a crisis situation. You have more options if you do the planning further out and start assembling the files.

Some lawyers will offer a free consultation. I would look into it.

Lostinthemix, you wrote the following on your profile:
"My big mouth! Yes, I told my husband that his mother could / should move in, but I really had no choice due to her walking over here almost daily and his siblings don't seem to really shive a git. I'm disabled myself. I am caring for someone, living at my home and the primary ailment is She has been here since November 2017 and hell since then and before then. I am caring for someone, living at my home and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia."

So I gather that you are asking about an Elder Care Lawyer for your mother-in-law and for yourselves. Sounds like you need one since you already feel lost in the mix of your husband and your MIL. Plus you stated that your lives have been hell since the arrival of your MIL in November 2017. I can think of all kinds of reasons for talking to a Elder Care Lawyer.

I noticed that you are disabled. Do you need assistance with your ADLs? Are you even strong enough to help someone else with their ADLS if need be? Can your MIL perform her own ADLS without assistance (Activities of Daily living such walking, getting dressed, toileting, feeding self, etc.)?

Since she lives with you, I am guessing that you and your husband are paying for everything and your MIL is not paying for anything. Are you wanting an Elder Care Attorney to write up a Patient Care Contract so that you can get paid (Minimum wage or less) for taking care of your MIL? Do you think that your MIL should move into a facility and your husband does not?

Read some of the posts on this website and look at some of the issues that other caregivers have had regarding taking care of someone with Alzheimer's / dementia and see how they might relate to your situation now and in the future.

After looking at other posts, are there any possible future issues with your MIL that you haven't thought of that might be something that you would want to discuss with an Elder Care Lawyer? I think that you should talk with a Elder Care Lawyer as soon as possible with your husband only (and do not include your mother-in-law for this initial visit), tell the lawyer your situation and see what he/she suggests. Good Luck and God Bless.

An elder law attorney would be able to do your wills/estate planning and is good too for getting your affairs in order as to how you want your health and finances to be managed should you become unable to make those decisions for yourself. Advance planning can save your family and children much heartache in the future, as your wishes would be clearly spelled out.

An elder law attorney can also help with questions related to guardianship, POA, Medicaid and other issues that may affect your elderly loved one for whom you are provided care.