My partner and I have been together for over 20 years. Almost 3 years ago we moved in with his mother when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and she refused to move in with us. Although she can still be left alone, she is unable to care for herself. We are her full-time caregivers with little help from his siblings. Am I wrong to feel that we should be compensated? The siblings feel I am being paid from renting out my house. My job is more flexible so I tend to be home with her more. Her children will each receive a sizable inheritance, and although my partner and I are solid, I feel that I am going above and beyond the normal expectations. I have my own mother to be concerned about as she is needing more help these days, too.
No rent or "room and board" can not be used in lieu of payment.
You can not get "back pay" for the past 3 years but you can start now getting paid. Check a few of the agencies in your area and find out what they charge for 24/7 care. Write a contract and figure what each of you contribute and how much each will be paid.
This may become more useful if or when there needs to be an application for Medicaid or other support. The money that is paid to the both of you is spending down her assets. (If your partner does not want the money he can put his portion into an account and divide it with his siblings later. For your sake keep your finances separate)
If you do get estimate of live in help from an agency, I do think you have to consider the rent issue.
How you and your partner share or don't share money is between you two, but is an issue.
If your Mom starts to fail, she is your first priority. If partner needs help, then he hires it using Moms money. Who has POA? I hope your partner. I would never Caregive without having the ability to get to the money or talk to Doctors.
Concerning u being paid, I think you should be compensated for your time. But then, you are a spouse not a friend and usually spouses don't get paid.