Should a therapist do this, or is it crossing the line?

Thanks Midkid. I don't quite understand the term "outing a person". But I get the intent sort of. That's good to know you asked your therapist. Now I feel more convinced I was being used. I don't think anything will happen to my ex therapist.

I meant to throw in here, earlier that I brought this up with my therapist and she was appalled. She said the line between client and therapist is sacred. Example: If I am out and see her, I can initiate conversation, if I want. If she sees me, she does not acknowledge me, as that is "outing" a person. She said the rules are in place to protect everyone involved.

I hope your "therapist" gets more than a talking to---she needs to be fired!

I quit therapy and the therapist wished me luck, gave another excuse. And I posed the problem in a general way to Talkspace, and they responded that this behavior is not something that a therapist would do. They cancelled my account. And that's that! :)

Uhhhh......YEAH!!!! Soooo unprofessional!! I would report to Talkspace. I don't care where you both live, she should not be getting this close to you. If you do get that close then quit using her as a "therapist" and just be a friends. However.....be cautious with this person. She might be after more than friendship and helping you with your therapy......as in MONEY. Good Luck and God Bless.

Sounds fishy to me!! I certainly wouldn't do it!! You can always find a therapist after you move!!

I also recalled a text message through the talk space.com system (where all texting occurs) where she typed 4 heart symbols ❤❤❤❤. That was in the morning following a Skype session the night before. I thought that was strange. Very strange.

Hi. Bloomschool. As a former therapist. I never said that to one client ever. It's just not done. And to be 100 percent honest , I never did love a client. Sure I liked them. They liked me. That's really normal or therapists wouldn't be hired. You kind of have to be a people person to go into this field. But there are boundaries. There has to be or it becomes 100 percent non therapeutic. Glad you have severed all ties

Well I think its a combination of things. She wants clients for her own business, she is single and older so maybe like GardenArtist said she is using this relationship to meet her own emotional needs. She was always telling me that I'm a good guy, once she said she loves me upon concluding a session. I thought that was strange. I was there to help myself not to address her needs. But I hope she finds what she's looking for.

A legitimate therapist keeps a distance from his/her clients . They are not supposed to have close personal relationships with clients. A "personal friend" relationship would cloud their objectivity and decrease ability to be therapeutic.

I think the fact that therapists and clients are matched by state undercuts the concept that the relationship needs to be based not only on professional criteria, but also that both need to be matched in terms of experience, expertise, professionalism, client background, personality, etc.

I do understand that an attempt to provide proximity might be appropriate as I think a therapeutic relationship benefits from personal contact (as does just basic human interaction). But I just don't see otherwise how someone's residence has anything to do with providing competent therapy.

Bloom, in real life the therapist could be a lot of things, besides mean and nasty. She could be lonely, very lonely. She could be in a bad marriage. She could be anything, and used the therapeutic relationship to meet her own individual needs.

But I think that building her own clientele makes a lot of sense. I would suspect that's probably a violation of the terms by which she was hired, but frankly, I wouldn't get involved in that.

If she's done this with you, it's possible it's made overtures to other clients, and eventually management (as well as professional licensing entities) may become aware of it. That isn't your battle, so don't enlist.

And be circumspect about people with whom you share your actions. I always automatically document certain situations, but I would never tell people I have unless I feel the need to use mild threats. Don't tip your hand, and don't put yourself in any potentially unsafe position.

Gardenartist and midkid58 are absolutely spot on, I have always been taught to listen to my inner voice that if I get the feeling something isn't right, listen to it. This therapist is leading you down the wrong path.

Hi Ruthroll, actually you're right. She had told me she was building up her own practice and probably wanted to "steal" me away from TALKSPACE website company. And it wasnt that she "liked" me, or wanted to build up my self esteem. As I think about this, she was manipulating and encouraging me to move to her city to be a client! And occasionally she would reinforce my psychological issues verbally to keep me coming for therapy and then eventually convert me to her own client. So that makes sense to me more so than her trying to develop a personal relationship with me. Thanks.

It sounds to me like she's been very inappropriate by crossing lines. It doesn't sound like she's being very professional from your description. What I would do is print off your last session if you haven't already or even if you decide on another session, just print it off or take a screenshot of it if you have no printer. I would also get a copy of the link if this is through an actual website or contact the service admins to report that particular user. Another thing you can also do is find out what agency she works through and contact them, but let them know you printed out a copy of the session or you have screenshots of it. Another thing you want to find out is who licenses therapists and contact them. If you have some form of proof of what was on the screen, let those people also know

I am a therapist and I think she is crossing a boundary here. The fee that you both agree upon can be adjusted at any time as long as you both agree upon it and adjusted fee and you are not using insurance. However what she is doing sounds more like a way to bribe you to come into her office. I believe there are alternative ways of working to build up your self esteem and to also to motivate you to make friends. Plus it is highly inappropriate to introduce you to her family. It is not your job to remind her that she is your therapist. It is not her job to "Show you" that you are a likable person. It is a change in your own belief system that needs to take place. You may have a belief that you are not OK and only you can make the choice to change that belief. Her job is to give you the tools to do just that. I have may client that I would love to have as friends, however I know that will never happen. That is not our relationship. We are therapist and client. 

My mom had no money, I gave her money, no inheritance. Billing was through talk space.com. the therapist has no access to my bank. The thing is, the therapist comes across as a normal nice person. Who was constantly looking to get me to visit her. It didn't seem "evil", just low key manipulation. Who knows, in real life she might be mean and nasty.

A good and ethical therapist will not cross the boundaries that she has. There are many good therapists out there...find another.

I might be totally off the mark with this thought, but I wondered if you received an inheritance and if your therapist was aware of this and could that be a reason why she has been trying to manipulate you into a relationship with her.
I think you are doing the right thing by cutting all ties with her and I wish you all the best in the future.

Yes, CTTN55, they have all the text messages, as text messages are through their website. But most of the things she said were via Skype. At this point, I don't care, I just want to move on.

They have a copy of all of the text messages between you and the therapist?

If you have Netflix, you might be interested in "Gypsy." It's about a therapist who crosses all sorts of boundaries with her patients.

Well, here is the newest news. I contacted Talkspace. and asked them about how they match clients with therapists out of state. And if it's appropriate for a therapist to be a friend and do what I've previously described. So here is their response:

"Originally at Talkspace, clients and therapists were not matched by state, but in the past year we rolled out a matching system that strictly matches them by state. Clients who were already matched before then were not changed, but if you like we can have you re-matched to a therapist in your own state. Just let me know."

The client / therapist relationship is a pretty intimate one. It would be unusual for a therapist to treat a client as a friend per say, but a few clients have met their therapists outside of Talkspace just so that they could meet them in person one time. But not really as friends."

So that confirms my suspicions and I will be cancelling my subscription to their site later today. It was difficult to see the situation with any clarity when I was deep in grief. But now I see it. I was being played like a violin during therapy sessions. She helped me but was also trying to manipulate me. I am not going to mention the therapists name unless they ask for it. Although they do have the records and written text messages. But not the Skype sessions as she threw them in free. I didnt complain as I really needed help.

More great comments. I'm seeing things much more clearly now with this therapist, and while she says she is trying to mirror these traits of liking me and inviting me, etc, to show me that I am a likeable person, it always struck me as odd that a therapist would be so concerned that I move, and would invite me to her house to meet the family, her friends, etc. Such BS! In the beginning she did mention she prefers working with men, so I figure she's doing the same thing to other patients. 

Hi I got a Master's degree in Guidance and Counseling in the early 80's. Majored in Psychology and Communication, under grad. I got a social workers license in MI years ago. I haven't been in that field for years. But it's absolutely wrong. Completely wrong. I got in to this field because of the Bob Newhart show. Thought he had a great job. No " therapist" should get that involved personally.  Back in my day , we were taught to present options.  Not offer advice.   

Hi Bloomschool, you sound like a very level-headed guy. Why would you feel guilty about leaving this therapist? You paid for her service. She's not your "friend". You owe her nothing beyond paying for her professional service (despite her own lack of professionalism).

It sounds like you have very good instincts but question your own judgment. Whenever you feel that gut feeling, listen to it! In this case, it has served you well. I agree with dropping this therapist and waiting to see if you need to see someone else. This therapist has stepped over all kinds of professional lines. If she were in a normal setting, she could probably lose her license (or should) in trying to befriend you, badgering you about when you're moving, offering to hook you up and show you a good time. All of that is unbelievably unprofessional!

My undergrad degree is in psychology and I can say that the people that I knew who went on to get advanced degrees in psychology were pretty odd people. I think social workers are usually a bit more "normal" in their personal psychology. But that' s not based on any scientific study, just personal observation.

Good luck and keep us posted. My mom died almost three months ago and I'm waiting for a year before I consider moving somewhere else. That only makes sense to me. I want to let everything settle before I consider another big change.

Bloomschool, I can relate about the stress of changing therapists. Cut lose the current one and wait a few months. If you feel you need a "tune up", then seek out someone else to talk to.

Lo and behold my second talk therapist was soooo much better, as she had personal experience with her own aging parents.

One thing I did was work on a family tree, as my parents had passed while in their 90's but I didn't know a whole lot about their grandparents or great-grandparents.  Climbing through the family tree has been so very interesting :)  I have gotten as far back of the mid 1700's.

Well, I'm not looking for another therapist. it's been a tough grief journey, something I don't want to go through again, and I am for sure, feeling a whole lot better. And starting to make plans for my future. I've been told not to make any changes for about a year. It's only been not even 6 months, so I am waiting till next spring to move. Which is something I've wanted to do for several years. I am anxious to move now, but waiting to see how the next few months proceed. I expect to feel even better in a few months. But one never knows whats coming down the road. I don't feel good about this therapist, some guilt, as she did help me quite a bit, but obviously was trying to maniupulate me. I always knew that, but felt I needed the therapy so I ignored the other stuff she said. Didnt want the stress of changing therapists. That being said, I look forward to my future very much.

She is crossing boundaries that she should know full well that she should not cross.
I hate to say it even if she is helping you you need to cut this off.
If her talks were/are monitored I am sure that she would have a lot of explaining to do. I am guessing that she is pretty much not monitored.
If the supervisor was aware of her personal conversations I am sure she would be reprimanded for it.
I also suggest that if you do move do not tell her. At least for 1 year AFTER she is no longer you therapist. And I suggest that you find another as soon as possible. If you like the Talkspace ask to have a change in therapists.

This whole thing sounds a bit like a stalker if you ask me.

CWillie, my (psychiatric nurse) sister told me the same thing - some people go into the psychological and psychiatric fields b/c they're trying to understand themselves.

Bloomschool, for your protection, exit gracefully, but permanently. If you compliment and thank her, she hopefully won't realize that you're cutting off the relationship. If you have to, change e-mail addresses or other contact information so she can't reach you.

You went to her during a period of grief, which could be perceived as a weakness and opportunity for a therapist who exceeds boundaries. And she would likely recognize how to use that vulnerability and exploit it.

Good luck, and I hope your healing journey continues on a positive path. I think most of us probably are quite vulnerable after losing a parent.

cwillie: "it seems to me that many in those professions got interested in them because they were trying to figure out their own issues," I've often wondered this, too. I think it's definitely true of psychiatrists!

It amazes me what posters here report that their therapists/counselors say -- often the advice seems so weak as to be worthless. (Not always, but often!)

Dear Bloom,

I'm glad you've come to this conclusion. Grief is a long journey and I would hate to see a therapist take advantage of you in this way.

I've had friends so therapist for years. I am not against therapy at all but I sometimes if my friends are being exploited financially. It is a slippery slope for sure. I am glad we have this community of online friends looking out for us.

Happy to hear you are feeling better in your grief journey. I take hope for your posts because so many mirrored my own journey.

Great thoughts and answers. I am going to cut it off with the therapist even though she helped me greatly through my grief. But it's not right to cross that line. And I do realize all the great help I've gotten on this site and believe me, it's been needed. I am doing very much better and though I miss my mother I am not sad about it anymore like I was, and feeling some regrets, coulda, woulda, shoulda's. I feel I can move on. The hard part for me that I've experienced my entire life, is being able to identify and realize when I am being taken advantage of, as with this therapist, although, quite frankly, I think she really likes me but is obviously crossing the ethical line. And I am not interested in my therapist, I only went to get help. And its good to get all these opinions to give me clarity. Thanks!!!!!