Should Mom go to a facility that is close to home or to a better facility?
Mom has landed herself back in the hospital again with a UTI and likely sepsis. I am predicting a three day stay, which will lead to a 30 day stay in a rehab facility. They will most likely ask me where I would like Mom to go.
My choices are:
1) A facility about 5-10 minutes from my house. The care is adequate, but not spectacular. The décor is dreary, but the place is clean, food is horrible, really horrible, but mom doesn't eat anyway. Mom won't participate in any activities anyway, but the offerings are lame.
2) A facility 30-35 minutes away. I have not seen it, but I have heard good things.
On a website that rates rehab facilities and nursing homes, #1 has a 78% rating and #2 has a 90% rating.
If Mom goes to facility #1 I will visit her 5-6 days a week, usually short visits, but I have been known to stay longer or visit more than once a day. My kids will visit some.
If Mom goes to Facility #2, I will only visit her once, maybe twice a week because I have a 12 and 14 year old, work full-time and part-time as a Disney Travel Agent, hold a position on the HOA board and have a husband who travels a lot.
Either way, I will keep Carol, one of her caregivers, on the schedule for a few hours a day. Carol lives minutes from falicity #2.
So, would you put your mother in a lesser place but with more company or a better place with little company? As of right now, it would be for 30-40 days but I won't rule out that it could become permanent.
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Hospice does not cover 24 hour care in home. Your Mom will pay out of pocket. Hospice provides durable med equip and meds at no cost to you. No more doc payment. The hospice med folks see her no copay. Hospice will come to your home. Her supplemental may cover part of caregivers but I'm not sure of her policy. Call and ask. If hospice offers help with anything say yes. Any help like volunteer sitter yes! Mattress yes! Anti anxiety yes! If there is a chaplain or social worker yes! Any materials for teens on transition yes! File for FMLA now. Take a breath and know we are all holding you in our arms as you take the steps. Your mom trusted you in this. You can do it.
Many threads like this go on here on AC for years after the OP posted the question. I'm not trying to police the thread as much as I'm feeling sympathy for a member who lost their mother yesterday. ♡
Non filing for FMLA because I have no intention of burning my leave or taking leave without pay to care for her myself just so that my brothers can inherit more. Bitter? Yes. Of course, the doctor won't make any specific predictions and he cushions everything with "she could improve" but he is thinking weeks.
If I were you I would visit facility number 2 before making any decisions. Have a meal there and see what the ambiance is like. Would it make a difference for your mom?
I think I would choose the facility with the superior care and the less dreary facility... even if it were a little farther to drive. You have to think about yourself as well. would you want to go to a dreary facility every day?
Maybe if you have a superior facility you may only need to go twice a week or so?
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